Sharing the News

When I found out I was pregnant, I remember feeling safest telling people I didn’t know…a cashier, a waiter, someone in passing. The reaction was typically met with joy and excitement (sincere or not, it didn’t matter). When it came time to tell my family, friends, professional connections, I knew their reaction would affect me emotionally because they all meant something to me. My family and friends were beyond loving and supportive with my news. Work can be a little trickier to navigate. At the time, I was operating my family’s wedding venue and there were some clients who’s weddings would be impacted by my delivery and recovery. I typically worked with a client for a year leading up to their wedding. My due date was the date of a wedding. I had a wedding the day after my due date and 1-2 per weekend after. I knew I had to tell these clients my news, but was so scared of their reactions. All in all, these conversations were successful and I was met with such kindness and support. I worked hard to ensure everything was taken care of and every detail would be tended to even if I wasn’t there. I had an incredible team of family and friends who stepped in when I couldn’t physically be there. I ended up working that wedding on my due date and the day after…

When you announce to your manager, your team, your clients, whoever your stakeholders may be, you are showing up letting them know that you have carefully considered the impact and you are committing to creating a plan that will hopefully be beneficial to all as you transition into working parenthood. This announcement sets a tone of leadership and sets the stage for clear and effective communication moving forward.

While this is a very personal choice, there are several things you may want to consider. It is best practice to make sure you tell your manager or whoever you report to before announcing to your team. It is always best they hear the news from you and not from someone else. While it does feel a little safer to announce your pregnancy after the first trimester, you will want to consider how you are feeling and if morning sickness or exhaustion are impacting your day to day operating or if you need to attend a higher number of doctors appointments. It might be in your best interest to announce earlier if it is impacting your work. All in all, you will want to announce with plenty of time for you and those around you to properly plan for your leave. Timing is crucial whether or not you are the birthing parent, you are adopting, or going through a surrogate.

Again, this is a very personal choice and much of it comes down to the relationship you have with the person you are telling. You will want to make sure you are bringing a sense of strong communication, collaboration, and confidence with your news. Acting apologetic in any way can set the wrong tone or send the wrong message. This is an opportunity to step up and show your leadership. The reality is that there will be some shifting in responsibilities and there will be an adjustment in working roles while you go on leave. This can be a great opportunity for some team members to up-skill or try something new. Just remember to keep communication open and ongoing. This is your project to take the lead on.

For more on announcing plans to take parental leave, Quartz at Work has some great insight.

I also highly recommend the book, The Parental Leave Playbook by Amy Beacom, EdD, Founder and CEO of The Center For Parental Leave Leadership and Sue Campbell.

If you have parental leave available to you it is crucial, now more than ever, to take it and to the fullest extent. Unfortunately, parental leave is not federally mandated and it is more of a job perk when it should be a necessity. Zero Weeks, a documentary on family leave, reports only 14% of parents have access to any parental leave and sometimes it’s only one day! It can be hard to want to take a full leave if you are trying to keep your career going and on track. Especially for the non-birthing parents. When leave is done well and parents are taking the time available to them, there are better health outcomes for the babies, mothers, and fathers both mentally and physically. It also allows for better bonding and healthier relationships both at home and work. A successful parental leave can act as a model for other team members to want to stay with the company and take their parental leave if and when the time comes.

There might be a person or people who just simply put their foot in their mouth. Either they mean well and can’t seem to find the eloquence or maybe they are projecting. There’s something about becoming a parent (even if it’s not your first child) that attracts self-appointed parenting experts. You are going to get a lot of advice and maybe some criticism. Continue to stay centered and strong in yourself and what you know. You are the only expert on your child and yourself. I personally struggled with being watched. I didn’t like my body being on display or the comments people would freely fling around. Especially the unwanted belly rubs. Some people may embrace that side of pregnancy, but I didn’t. Here are the words that empowered me to reclaim my body during that time.

With Gratitude,

Joanna