Welcome to JJ’s Words! It’s my public journal for me to share my experiences, document my journey, and my thoughts on literally anything, any advice, things I consume, things going on in my life, and anything else that I may find interesting. It’s mostly unplanned, unedited writing to get whatever thoughts out from the week(however short or long, and hopefully, there’s something that you may find interesting, helpful, or valuable. Honestly, it’s mostly a place for me to freely ramble, process things, and clear my mind, even if no one cares to read it.
So, I did something that I've never done before. I fully stepped out of my comfort zone as much as I could… and it went quite great.
I have seen this account on TikTok for so long. It’s called Farrago, and it’s organised by this couple, Shona and Alan. They organise house parties aimed also at creatives. It’s basically just a social event that is meant for people around London to simply meet. There’s a DJ, live music, karaoke, games, and drinks — pretty much anything you’d think of a house party. Their venues also change each time(I believe). The one I went to was in Shoreditch at Little Neon Door.
I had a Wednesday free. I’ve been feeling quite good lately. I keep saying that I need to up my social life, so I thought why not.
But knowing how I am, I was a bit nervous to do so. I do enjoy meeting people. I love that, and I don’t think I have much of an issue meeting strangers. But that has always come in either a very different setting or with people that I also already know. It feels different going to a place with someone you already know.
This time, I went on my own, where there was no possibility of me knowing anyone. And I think that also made it easier because no one knows you. You will go there, and there’s a good chance that also no one will ever see you again. I guess there’s something freeing with that. It takes away any kind of potential anxiety.
Genuinely, this event was perfect because it not only really encouraged you to meet, but it’s in such a setting that makes everything infinitely easier. Oh, one other main point(probably the point) was the fact that you can’t be on your phone. You lock your phone away in a pouch at the start and will unlock it at the end — so simple, but it was the best thing.
It’s something you probably don’t realise in the moment whenever you go out, but I found myself reaching for my phone so many times. Any time an interaction felt a bit awkward or died out, or I just looked to wander around, the instinct was to grab my phone. But you can’t! You can’t just be on your own and scroll through your phone. Everyone is forced to be present. There’s no excuse to not be social.
Because even if you are on your own(so many people are in the same boat where they come alone not knowing anyone), someone is on their own next to you, and it’s as simple as introducing yourself and having a conversation. Another thing they did to be able to break the ice is the way you got a free drink. You had one half of a picture, and you needed to find your other half. Again, so simple, but it gives a slight push to help someone start a conversation.
Having been to parties, social events at University, sports events, clubs, fresher’s week… this has been by far the easiest way to meet people. And you meet all kinds of people. A lot of them, you will likely not see ever again, but that’s also in a way a good thing. You have one fun night with strangers, and that’s it.
There was also good music, live music, too. There was this band Still Pigeon, and you also get to chat with a bunch of creatives, which is even more fun!
I can’t recommend this enough. You always hear how it’s hard to meet people as an adult, especially when you move to a new city, but these kinds of events give you exactly what you need.
And if you are also in a similar boat where it does mean getting out of your comfort zone, then respectfully, the only way to get out of it is to push through it because it gets easier when you just do it. There are so many friendly people looking for the exact thing that it can’t get easier than that.
This definitely has made it easier going forward. I don’t think I have big issues doing things like that, but it is a bit of work, and it does get a bit nerve-wracking. There are still things that are less comfortable. But after this event, a lot of that anxiety or overthinking has gone away.
The last point on this is I ended up sticking with three other people from the party. It was literally three random people that were nice, kind, friendly, and fun to talk to throughout the night, and somehow we decided to get food after leaving. We exchanged socials, two of us got an Uber together, and made a group chat with us. And just like that, some kind of friendship-ish(?) has been made. It was that easy.
Staying on the point of being social. I have been going out a bit more lately. There have been stretches the last month where it’s been consecutive days going out and being with so many people.
This is when I realise that I am, in fact, very introverted. Don’t get me wrong. I have a ton of fun doing those things. It’s not about enjoyment or shyness or anxiety or whatever. It really comes down to social places like that draining you more than what others might feel.
And with me, I feel like it’s also obvious. There are times where I can feel like I’m looking like I just don’t want to be there. There’s a big difference in how I’d be with people depending on what day you will see me.
After this week or so(as well as having a job at a bar where it is with so many people), I am scheduling myself a day or two where I don’t want to interact with anyone. Probably a bit antisocial, but that’s also what I sometimes feel like I need. Just no contact with another person.
It always feels as if the label of being introverted, people assume it’s shyness or nervousness or not liking to be social. But it’s not any of that at all. That is as far from the truth as it can be.
It also doesn’t matter if it’s people you connect with or enjoy being around. That plays a part. Being with the right people feels easier, doesn’t require as much energy, nor does it drain you as much, and you do leave it feeling good. But at the same time, doing that multiple days in a week, towards the end of it, I will still be needing my full alone time with no one else.
That is also something I’ve been thinking about since that is something that also caused issues in my past relationship. It wasn’t the reason to break up, but for me, it played a big part. And it also sucks because it’s one of those things where the other person is genuinely at no fault, so there’s no easy way to fix it. It’s a personal issue that probably has to be considered when entering new relationships. It’s still figuring out how to balance being simply with another person — I do wonder how that can work with me because I feel like I can be in the extreme of needing too much space, to a point where it is going to be unfair to the partner.
One thing that I’ve noticed about my workplace is that so many unplanned things can happen unexpectedly. It’s fun in a good way.
There were two times when I went out of the house for one completely separate thing but ended up doing one whole other thing.
I decided to get takeout. That’s it. I was meant to get it and go home and have a chill night. But because the place is literally next door to the workplace, when I got the food, I ended up passing by and staying to have food there for a bit and chatted with others. Same thing happened on the following day, where I was only meant to pop by and do some reading but ended up staying out late because pretty much everyone I know from the place came.
None of that was planned in any possible way.
It’s not that any of that was special or big. It’s just the fun of having things like that happen unexpectedly. And it’s also just giving a chance for something to happen, too, that can make life a bit more fun.
This week, I also ended up developing a nice friendship that also happened unexpectedly — that is what I’ve learned about this place: that anything can happen out of nowhere.
But what struck me about this friendship by just how randomly it became comfortable after only a handful of times interacting with another.
That got me thinking about friendships in general and also reminded me of this post:
One of his points about developing a close friendship is understanding, and you do that by confessions. Not in some grand secrets way but by just sharing stuff and leading that to be more vulnerable.
This friendship started by sharing random updates about dating life. No idea how that even came up, but because it just went right into oversharing and trauma dumping, it kind of accelerates the friendship in a way that it does feel more comfortable.
It’s always funny in a good way to me when I meet someone that I get along with quickly.
It does make it easier, too, if you want to make friends. Screw trying to see the vibe or whatever. Just go straight in. Be an open book. I feel like that is the easiest way to either make good connections or look past people you don’t connect with. I don’t believe there’s such a thing as being too much or TMI.
A quick note. I started reading Material World by Ed Conway. It’s not the typical book that I’ve read recently. It’s non-fiction, and it’s focused on six materials in the world that are the most needed/important. It goes through all different kinds of angles and perspectives on it. It looks at the process of getting it, digs deep right into the specifics, but then has discussions on why it’s so important and how it’s linked to everything else and the big picture of it all.
I’m around 100 pages in, and so far, it has been very interesting.
It’s a book filled with so many facts that you can’t even begin to comprehend. There are some stats and figures that have you read it multiple times and Googling things because it’s like “surely that’s not real? It just doesn’t feel right to be real”.
It also opens up your mind to things that you never really thought about because why would you think about how very important sand is. You don’t go about your days wondering how so much of the world revolves around sand in so many different ways. Me typing this is possible because of sand. Me being able to look at this screen without it being blurry is possible because of sand.
And then you read that there’s different kinds of sands that can only be used for X things. And then it throws you into more rabbit holes — more than you can dig into.
I both love and hate these kinds of books because I don’t have the time to go down those rabbit holes, but I love books that can throw me into those in the first place.
To wrap things up, here are some other scattered thoughts(that I’d look to dive more into potentially) I had throughout the week and any content that I read, watched, and listened to:
I found this article on Substack, “How a Notebook at the Bar Solved the Loneliness Crisis”. It’s pretty self-explanatory. A guy goes to bars, and he brings a notebook with him to do whatever he wants with it
I thought about this for a second, and I love this idea. In hindsight, this also would’ve been perfect for going to those house parties where you don’t have phones. A notebook suddenly becomes a very much needed thing for multiple reasons, one being getting people’s socials but also to just jot down everyone’s names.
Another point the writer made is that you can do all of that with a phone, but I can’t explain it; he’s right when they said it’s different. A phone is different from a notebook. It’s different in what message it sends out to someone.
I liked this quote:
I’d never go up to a group of people on a phone and be like “whatcha lookin’ at?” But I would, maybe, go up to a group of people giggling about a notebook and inquire. It’s more inviting. It’s not a person lost in their own world.
This post has convinced me to keep a notebook on me at all times, especially when I’ll be going out.
This post was also interesting after I’ve started to read more of anything lately. “The algorithm knows who you have been, not who you might become”
I’ve been feeling very in the mood to read and learn about anything and everything. But this piece touched on an interesting point that the algorithm only knows what you like now. Whatever algorithm for whatever social media you’re on, it obviously wants you to be on the platform by getting you things that you already want to see.
So, then how do you get out of that hole where you do want different perspectives or simply completely different topics?
I try to curate my social media well. I try to have varied pieces of content on different platforms. But sometimes, I still want to just find new things that I didn’t even think of.
I think the only way to combat that is to go look yourself and go down rabbit holes outside of social media; then you could come across more similar accounts.
I’ve been loving getting into watching more films. I have now finished Iron Man 2 and The Incredible Hulk, as I go down the MCU films
For some reason, I started to listen to Shawn Mendes
Here are some other content I consumed:
38 ways to create more than you consume, As Slow As Possible
How to tell a good story, Uncynical
Anyone could be the love of your life, The Journal Factory
How I stopped feeling overwhelmed by everything and started creating, Milk and Cookies
I started dating like a man(and I love it), The Uptown Blonde
Lessons from the best flirt I know, Your Friend Elle
And that’s it for another JJ’s Words. July has just finished, and this has been a good, different start to the second half of the year.
If you got to the end, thank you, and I hope you have enjoyed JJ’s Words and have a great day!
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