That's a bat in my bedroom

You may remember I wrote about my bat problem last summer.

My bat problem was simply this: I had bats living in my roof. It was horrible. It was expensive to fix. It was spooky.

But thankfully, they never once entered the living space. Never even entered the attic space. They came, they nested, they were “excluded” -- that’s the word we in the bat industry use when we get rid of them -- and that, my friend, was that.

One caveat: The workers said that bats are pretty territorial, and it wouldn’t surprise them if they came back to try and get into the nest they remember. They told me not to worry about it, because the entry points were sealed up, but to … you know. Just be aware of the possibility.

One year later …

It’s about 6 a.m. one fine summer Sunday morning, and I’m sleeping, and yet, off in the short distance, I hear the soft pitter-patter of feet walking to the bathroom. Which is weird, because no one in my family has soft pitter-patter of feet. We all walk like we’re Godzilla stomping our way through downtown Tokyo.

Now again, I’m sleeping. The soft pitter-patter wakes me, as gently as a butterfly’s kiss (hold on to that image). And the soft pitter-patter continues for entirely too long. My house is not big enough for the length of time I’m hearing this soft pitter-patter.

So my brain does the ol’ “maybe we should pop one eye open because what’s the deal with this soft pitter-patter we’re hearing?” thing. And so I pop one eye open. Again, I am being gently woken up by all this.

And when I open that one eye -- I believe it was my left -- I note something amiss. And what I note is a bat, flapping its way from one side of the room to the other. That was the soft pitter-patter I was hearing. The flapping of its wings.

At this point, I calmly woke up my wife and informed her there was a bat in the room. It went something like this: “KELLY WAKE UP GET UP HOLY S*** THERE’S A F****** BAT IN THE ROOM OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO.”

See? Calm.