Physio notes?

88 DAYS

88 days. That’s how long it’s taken me to decide to write to you. I was procrastinating, and I am still procrastinating. I’m writing to you now because, somehow, I do not want to sit at my computer and rack my brain over research for my presentation.

Beautiful utilization of my time.

Hi. Hello. How are you? Are you surviving?

I have thought of writing to you multiple times, but all I have thought of is the dying state of my environment, and I have no power but hope to expect better.

I forgot to inform you, or I probably did. I started my internship. And I’m grateful for the universe’s alignment with my dream. I work at one of the best places in Lagos #notanad.

It’s different from the toxic environment I got used to as a student physiotherapist. Before I ramble on about how perfect my workplace is, lemme focus on the reason I’m writing to you.

It’s quite similar to Koko’s physio notes.

Here’s a piece of me, hold gently- Layla’s bio on Medium.

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From my first day, I started making notes of things I’d love to work on. It’s a one year journey, trust me to want to enjoy the beauty in growth.

For someone who enjoys overthinking and basking in mistakes, my first lesson was learning to let go.

LESSON #1

One thing I hope to learn this year is how to move on from mistakes. Learn from them but move on instead of allowing them to make me question my self-worth.

Luckily for me, I can’t recall what mistake led me to write about this. I guess I have learnt the lesson. Oh, I remember! I skipped some of the important things during a patient’s assessment, and I was beating myself up for it. It reminds me of the one time we had an end-of-posting test, and I failed woefully. I had a panic attack that day, so hilarious. I’d say a great deal of my panic attacks, or anxiety, is due to how I was brought up.

“Be prepared,” the Boy Scouts’ motto was something my mother used to chant like a mantra around the house, so there was no excuse for mistake or failure, and oh, I had a prize in beating myself up whenever I made mistakes. Initially, when I’d forget something, I’d repeat it to myself, “it’s fine to make mistakes”, take deep breaths, then probably share it with a friend so we’d laugh about it. That helped. I think I’m immune to shame or fear of failure to an extent.

LESSON #2

“I can’t control the traffic.”

I created a Venn diagram(disjoint sets) in my head for things I can control and things I can’t control. On mornings where I am stuck in traffic, I remind myself I have no power over whatever obstruction or reason for the hold up, and I console myself by reminding me that I woke up early, left early, so yeah, I’m safe. I think that was basically the reason why I created that Venn diagram, the running late to work part.

LESSON#3

“ask questions”

I must say I was intrigued by the way my colleagues were free to ask questions here and how welcoming our bosses are. IT CAN’T BE WHERE I DID MY CLINICAL POSTINGS AS A STUDENT! It was such a toxic place to be in, and that made most of us shrink ourselves to make it through, so being in a new environment and somewhat being granted a degree of autonomy as well as the freedom to ask questions without being met constantly with criticism, healed something within me.

LESSON#4

“time utilization”
I still dream of having multiple sources of income, and to manage that, I have to find time to balance them all. I’m still in the process of learning how to use time wisely. Most days after struggling at work, as the daughter of the house, it is expected of me to come home to cook and manage the house. My poor soles, on the other hand, want to be at rest, and it’s still weird that no one understands that. Then the weekend is a facade. I really wonder how God took one day , not seven to rest. I am complaining. It’s also hard to find time for my hobbies. I don’t think this is a lesson. This is a rant. I need more than 24 hours to be me or to live for me.

Along the line, I lost count of the lessons I was learning, but trust me, I am learning. Most of the lessons are to help curb the fear that has ruled me from birth.

My experience so far has been beautiful. I have these amazing colleagues I can gossip with (I live for gossip), play badminton with ,have knowledgeable conversations with. It’s beautiful, I tell you. I have found words for some opinions I haven’t been able to pour out. The topics usually range from gender roles to politics. I mean, it’s not entirely perfect, there are flaws and yeah…

The experience goes beyond treating patients. It’s a full package, leadership training, conferences, utilization of my hobbiessssss omg.

I think that’s all I have to say right now.

I have been consuming a lot of art recently, been inconsistent with creating, though, but here I am, don’t be mad at me.

Media I consumed recently

I have been reading William GOUDLING’s Lord of the Flies. I saw clips of the movie adaptation on TikTok, and I thought to myself, “ It’ll be great to read the book before watching the movie”. Till now (Since March), I haven’t finished it.

I watched Supernatural. I’m currently in Season 10!? And I’m enjoying things about mythological creatures, religion, and co. I finished watching Apothecary Diaries (Season 1&2). I watched some YouTube video essays, one on how womanhood is a loss of self/identity, an explaniation of the Medea Greek play by Euphrides.

I’ll probably rewatch HoroMiya next week.

I listened to Rotten Mango, the podcast episode on Nicole Daedone’s sex cult, some afro house hits, EDM, GEMS IN THE CORNERSTONE II (an album by JEMS!, Elujay, J.Robb)

My birthday is on the 22nd. Do you guys want a little birthday piece?

Now that I’m done writing to you, lemme go play with makeup. Anything to perfectly procrastinate.

Till next time, stay safe mi amores.