"The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

“I’ve got several playlists to choose from,” Ruan, my yoga teacher, announced. “Slow & Steady Mix,” “Slow & Steady ‘80s,” and “Flowing Form ‘70s.”

“Seventies!” a student shouted.

“Okay,” Ruan said. “This is one of my favorite songs of all time.”

“Oh, shit,” I thought. I get a weird sense of heebie-jeebies from time conflation, aka nostalgia. Suddenly, I was transported back fifty years.

This encroachment of the past into the present floated me back to Los Angeles, December 1974.

UK author, teacher, Reshad Feild was giving a talk at the Ambassador Hotel — the ballroom (now demolished) where Robert F. Kennedy was shot. For Trumpian reference, Nixon had left the White House in disgrace four months earlier.

“The purpose of this school is to provide the best possible conditions for people to learn to work with energies,” Reshad heralded to a ballroom packed with seekers. “We are preparing the groundwork for what is called the Second Cycle of Mankind. This change can come about through the transformation of consciousness needed at this time.”

How weird,” Present-Me thought as I followed Ruan’s breathing cues. And now, fifty years later, astrologers and social media mystics are heralding a Second Cycle of Mankind — a move from the Age of Pisces into the Age of Aquarius, with major planetary transits signaling deep transformation, new societal structures, technological disruption, and a call for authenticity and community. Groovy.

My quantum friend, Suzy, insists that humanity is undergoing a "massive cosmic upgrade" and a quantum leap in consciousness, which involves reconnection with our "galactic family.”

I peeked at the young yoginis, wondering if they had ever heard Roberta Flack's stirring vocal. I remembered Reshad’s closing words: “I can come back to Los Angeles to lead a school — an Institute for Conscious Life, but you have to do all the work.”

As I left the ballroom, I scribbled my name on Reshad’s list.

After the talk, fate and my signature enlisted me into a hapless crew. We met at a drug rehab center, sectioned off the city, and started to look for the “school” guided by a “Field of Dreams” type of thinking.

I was skeptical, but a month later, Eureka… a vacant 15-room mansion appeared in a scruffy section of the Wilshire District. We inked the deal, and almost immediately, people began to arrive from the East Coast and West, England, Canada, Mexico, and more. There was Joan the stripper, Lisa the biker chick, George the Communist, Suzanne the clairvoyant, Donna the cellist, Christopher the genius, Hassan the Afghan drummer, and so on. I was Bruce the impresario. Thirty-six people signed up to maintain the planetary grid of consciousness.

The first morning, I staggered out of my Army surplus metal bunk, splashed water, then descended into the basement where Hassan, the Afghan drummer, sat wrapped in a blanket. The flickering candlelight gave his blunt words an ominous tone.

“This is no joke,” Hassan warned. “This is serious stuff. If you aren’t sure, get out now.”

And with that, we linked arms and started chanting, “Allah-Allah.”

I had been hanging with this crowd for a week, and now it dawned on me: “Holy shit (Allah-Allah). This path has something to do with (Allah-Allah) ISLAM!”

Being a good Jewish boy, I was in a muddle (Allah-Allah). I decided to go with the flow and engage, but not identify.

“Don’t get caught in the drama,” I resolved to myself. “Don’t get attracted or repelled by what is going on. Remain non-committal.”

One night, after a full day of high drama, heroic housework, and a mountain of dishes, Reshad pulled out his guitar. Before his spiritual career, Reshad (formerly Tim Feild) performed with pop legend Dusty Springfield. So, most evenings ended with his gallant British tenor.

A dreamy, spiritual longing filled the room as Reshad sang “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face,” composed by his mentor, Ewan MacColl. This was the same MacColl who once famously lectured Reshad, “Mr. Feild, when you sing, you have to take the emotion out of your voice.”

That admonition struck me — let the listener experience their own feelings.

A little backstory: “The First Time…” was born in 1957, when Ewan MacColl’s girlfriend, Peggy Seeger, left the UK to return to California to escape an impossible relationship. Peggy was Pete Seeger’s sister.

The coupling was impossible for a simple reason: Peggy was 21, and Ewan was 39. That is, until he revealed that he was actually 41, married, and had a child.

Transatlantic calls were insanely expensive back then, but MacColl sang to Peggy with romantic determination over the phone. The rest is history.

As Reshad sang the famous ballad, I watched young women melt into tears. Something more was going on. I could feel the energy lift hearts toward God’s firmament. This was my introduction to the Octave — the esoteric science behind human transformation. The Octave makes impossible love possible.

Despite the magic, I was iffy about moving into Reshad’s pressure cooker full-time. I had a happy life in the hills of Malibu overlooking the beach.

The next day, Reshad invited me to get a sandwich. I sensed he was gauging my intent on joining the Institute.

We walked toward Wilshire Boulevard and stepped into a courtyard restaurant. On cue, Roberta Flack’s lyrics wafted through the sound system:

The first time, ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars
Were the gifts you gave
To the dark, and the endless sky.

I’m a sucker for synchronicity; I was all in.

Unless you are interested in the underlying theory, you can stop here. I’m picking up on Karen’s wise words: “Whatever you do, don’t put the Enneagram into your book.” Too late.

“The simultaneous occurrence of a certain psychic state with one or more external events which appear as meaningful parallels to the momentary subjective state”

– Jung: ‘Collected Works Vol. 8,’ para. 850

I prefer to think of synchronicity as the moment in a movie when the music shifts, and the protagonist senses impending fate — also known as juju.

Synchronicity: When inexplicable external events validate our inner reality. Jung described synchronicity as the “acausal connecting principle,” where acausal means not governed by the Newtonian laws of cause and effect.

Synchronicity is the fun part of being a spiritual seeker. The rest is just ego disassembly.

The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves."
- ~Carl Jung, Aion, Christ: A Symbol of the Self, Pages 70-71, Para 126.

In short, when we ignore our repressed traits, these unresolved issues manifest externally, appearing as "fate." We are forced to confront them as projections in the outer world. Synchronicity is an invitation to amp up one’s curiosity into the seemingly mundane.

I’m sad that the unconscious has such an undeserved negative reputation. Our deepest soul yearnings are also unconscious.

When Reshad and I stepped into that courtyard, the next fifty years of fate lay in the balance — my decades-long mystical journey, Rumi, Bhagwan, marriage to Karen, our children, and our giant crazy house filled with love and laughter — and cancer and dying. The whole wonderful catastrophe unfolded from the moment I said yes. “I’m all in.”

What we don’t confront within ourselves (fears, contradictions, shadow aspects) gets acted out by the world or the people around us.

At a basic level, these projections explain the guy who goes into the bar and triggers a fight. The shadow also explains how Trump has unconsciously invaded or threatened Nigeria, Iran, Venezuela, Colombia, Mexico, Greenland, the EU, Minneapolis, and every Blue state and city — while ripping off Machado’s Nobel Peace Prize to feed his insatiable narcissism.

Let’s go deeper: Where does all this live? Does the shadow live as some kind of somatic residue in the body? Is it just Random Access Neurons playing oldies-but-goodies?

Or is there a quantum field effect — psychic patterns rippling outside of time — driving our psychological experience? Consider the old adage: a rising tide lifts all boats. Do we bob in a sea of consciousness?

The observer problem in quantum physics, which Jung and Pauli recognized as parallel to psychological dynamics, dissolves when consciousness is understood not as something that observes phenomena but as the very field within which all apparent observation occurs. ~ Medium: Scienc

Gurdjieff’s original Enneagram also describes a rising tide — a quantum-like picture of “everything, everywhere, all at once.”

• In the familiar diagram, the points around the circle (1-9) describe the mechanical progression of daily life. External events enter our lives as unexpected shocks and we experience them as fate. These shocks offer opportunities for uplift. Jung described this process as integration.

• The uncompleted Octaves Do, Re, Mi, Mi-Fa [shock] | Do, Re, Mi, Mi-Fa [shock] illustrate how unresolved issues invite shocks at the Mi-Fa intervals — appearing as fate.

• The soul is a knowing and growing substance represented by the 3-6-9 triangle — a substance that emerges through life’s journey.

• The entire diagram describes the Hero’s Journey.

• Jung described this process as individuation. As we mature, we experience our inner core as Will, a cosmic force that coalesces our many “I’s” into a steadfast unified self.

• The inner lines show how the future comes into the present. For example, point 1 is influenced by point 7, and point 4 resonates with point 1.

• JG Bennett used the example of a banquet to explain how the future comes into the present. Imagine preparation for an elegant state dinner. We plan the menu at point 1 to prepare a dinner to be served at point 7. We chop raw vegetables at point 2 that will be transformed by fire at point 4. The banquet preparation unfolds step by step until the candles are lit, doors open, a string quartet begins, and the wine is poured. The Enneagram illustrates an unfolding event from start to finish —in chronological sequence and outside of time.

1. Unity (the circle), and sequential time (1-2-3-4-etc.),

2. Law of Three (the triangle) — the timeless Self,

3. The Law of Seven (the inner lines)). The inner lines suggest the larger story — a quantum field outside of time. The lines are derived from 1 ÷ 7, which yields an infinitely repeating decimal: .142857142857.

Gurdjieff stated that anyone who knows how to "read" the Enneagram does not need any library, because all knowledge—the "oneness of all that exists"—is contained within its nine points, lines, and connections.

You’re not convinced. Let’s simplify.

It’s a diagram — A map points the direction, but does not substitute for the adventure — getting stuck, then towed by an old farmer, finding a pub, and so on.

Where is the map pointing? The enneagram is a simple reminder that the purpose of this life is to build a soul. It reminds us that the bumps in the road serve that larger purpose.

“The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego,
the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” - Carl Jung

How do I take this transformative journey? Inquire into the movement of energy. Why do I feel anxious in one moment and at ease the next? What triggered the upset, and what resolved it? Pay heed to your intuition. Could this be information from the future entering the present — those inner lines?

Reshad announced fifty years ago: “We are building the platform for the second cycle of mankind.” As a twenty-something, I remember feeling a soul-stirring hope — that the future was gestating and we young people were here to birth it.

What if — despite the darkness all around — that the second cycle is happening now? Chinese astrology sees 2026 as the Summer of Love Redux:

The fiery, untamed Horse gallops back into the Chinese zodiac for the first time since 1966, this time beginning with the fanfare of an Aquarius solar (new moon) eclipse—which is also an annular “ring of fire” eclipse. (Talk about celestial symbology!)

Fire Horse years are notorious for upheaval, independence, and iconoclasts who refuse to be bridled. In 1966, it marked the height of counterculture movements and revolutionary art.

In 2026, the same defiant spirit reignites. Renegade creators, whistleblowers, and reformers rise to challenge institutions and rewrite what freedom means in a hyper-connected world.1

My philosophic mentor, JG Bennett, taught me to enlarge my sphere of hope. Consider an expectant mother as she carries the next generation in her womb. Her investment in the future outweighs her immediate satisfaction. This is a kind of soul hope, cosmic hope – not cheap hope.

Bennett explained:

“Objective, conscious hope has nothing to do with expectation, thinking tomorrow will be better than today. Real hope has no negative.

“It is the dawning in us that a higher power is favorable to us… and this is an extraordinary thing when it really begins to happen to us. Nothing else cures the loneliness of the human being. It is with this that we become aware that we are not alone. This is a joyful feeling or a thankful feeling.

“It is not really possible for our ordinary self to have true hope. But when you know there is cosmic hope, that we have our place in this hope, you begin to be aware that there is a higher power that cares for you and me.”2

Bennett gave his students the task to replace all negative attitudes toward the existing world with a feeling of confidence and love toward the new world that is being born.

I know, a tall order.

Consider today’s young people: Trump’s current net approval rating among young voters has collapsed to -32 points, down from +10 at the start of the term. A forty-point plummet in 12 months is more than politics. It speaks to the future being born in the hearts of our next leaders.

We all get tremendous satisfaction in feeling angry, cynical, and politically hopeless — but objective hope births the world to come.

I am heartened by the legacy of Václav Havel, the playwright who carried the banner of hope for the Czech people during the darkness of Soviet rule. Ukraine’s Zelensky is also from the theater. It seems odd, but theater people live and breathe the dramatic arc (aka, the Enneagram). They understand that the barriers to realization are not imposed by the enemy but reside within the protagonist.

“It is this hope, above all, that gives us the strength to live and continually try new things, even in conditions that seem as hopeless as ours. In the face of this absurdity, life is too precious a thing to permit its devaluation by living pointlessly, emptily, without meaning, without love, and, finally, without hope.” ~ Václav Havel