Comparison Lives in the Empty Spaces

I went to a party recently and ran into an acquaintance - someone I don’t know really well but meet at parties regularly. While I’ve chatted with her before and she’s been friendly, this night our interaction felt…off. She wasn’t particularly nice to me. On top of that, she is by all accounts, also a really “cool” girl; her life is pretty amazing (based on everything I see on IG obv). Now, I know everyone is not obliged to be Jessica-Day-Level-Nice all the time, but it made me feel bad - and it triggered the comparison impulse in me. I left feeling unsettled.

Now, two things could have happened that night - I could’ve gone into a comparison spiral and allowed that one, tiny interaction to ruin my night. Or, I could call it what it is - a moment - and move on. While I can’t control the thoughts that appear in my mind, I do have control over what I do. Instead of ruminating and spiraling, I tried this one reflection that has helped me tap out of comparison: what is my water? It’s my way of grounding myself in the fullness of my life. Think about it: if you shake a coin in an empty bottle, it will make a LOT of noise. If you shake a coin in a bottle of water, it makes little to no sound. So if my comparison thoughts are the coin, what’s my water?

If you struggle with comparing yourself to other people, and it is ruining your life, read the rest of the essay to learn:

• Why comparison happens (from a psychological and evolutionary perspective). Understanding why something happens is the first step to breaking the pattern.

• How to stop the comparing spiral - what can YOU do today.

• Four mindset shifts you need to have in order to build a full, rich life

• The difference between comparison and inspiration, and how to tap into the healthier one of the two