Conversations Worth Having At the Dinner Table

It’s kind of weird that we even have to specify that no outside distractions are allowed to interrupt family mealtimes.

I mean, it’s not like we walk up to people at a restaurant and assume we can distract them for the next 20 minutes while they’re trying to eat.

But things steal our attention all the time throughout the day.

So we’ve come to think it’s normal for them to steal our attention while we’re sitting down to eat, too.

Because there’s a particular kind of magic that happens when our phones are put away.

When the meal is on the table, everyone is sitting down, and there’s nothing else to do except be with each other.

No scrolling or half-listening. No one technically present but mentally somewhere else, with other things stealing their attention.

Just you being fully with the people you love.

Maybe it’s because my dad was a chef and always believed that meals were sacred time with family. To this day, he still insists that my sisters and I, along with our families, sit down together for a long Sunday lunch at the family home.

So week after week, we mark this day on our calendars and intuitively know that this time is untouchable.

We do it because there’s something special about the ritual of gathering, the intention of being together, sharing food with people you love, and letting the conversation wander wherever it wants to go.

It’s the one thing we stand firm on in our home and thanks to this rule, over the years, some of the best conversations with my family have taken place around a dinner table.

Not because we planned to have “the best chat ever!” But because we showed up, and intentionally created the white space where deeper conversations naturally happen.

The conversations usually start with a simple story and then suddenly you are diving deep into another person’s internal world.

I know it sounds very basic but these chats really do shape the relationships you have with the people you love.

The chat that dig in so deep they change something, quietly, in how you see each other.

These conversations can’t be forced; you can only create the right conditions for them. And at the dinner table - where your time is spent phone-free and unhurried - is one of the best conditions I know.

We are so often convinced that amazing memories can only be created on holidays or while celebrating birthdays and special occasions.

But I’m here to tell you otherwise.

I already know that when I look back at my life our big Sunday family lunches will be one of the things I treasure the most.

And the same is probably true for you. You will see the beauty of the simple chats because family closeness isn't built on extraordinary days. It’s instead built during these very ordinary meals on ordinary days around the dinner table.

Well, over the years I’ve collected and noted questions that tend to move a dinner conversation from surface-level to deep without feeling forced.

Here are the a few of my favorite ones that I’ve held onto because I know they’re the kind of question worth asking, when the moment is right.

Q1: What was the best part of your day - and what was the hardest?

Not just “did you have a good day” - which usually invites a yes or no answer. But these two specific questions require two specific answers.

I love any questions that are open-ended and require someone to think a bit because the deep thinking usually leads to deep conversations.

Q2: If you could go back and do one thing differently this week, what would it be?

This is the perfect reflection question and it has nothing to do with pondering on regrets. Instead it’s about reflecting on your week honestly and normalising the idea that we all sometimes do things we wish we could change.

Talking about them with people we trust is part of how we grow and see in ourselves pivots we could make (that would have otherwise gone unrecognised).

Q3: What’s something you’re looking forward to?

Yep it’s such a simple question but I am all about ensuring we have things to look forward to in life.

See:

This question helps creates anticipation, which is one of life’s underrated pleasures, and hearing what the people you love are looking forward to tells you a lot about where they are right now.

Q4: What’s something you’ve changed your mind about recently?

Ooh, can you see how once again this question digs deep? It requires intellectual honesty - the willingness to say “I thought one thing and now I think another.”

You can probably tell that I think that it’s super important for parents to model that changing your mind is a sign of growth, not weakness.

Q5: Who made you feel good this week - and did you tell them?

We already know that being grateful in life makes us feel good. But so often we miss taking gratitude to the next level by THANKING someone for their kindness etc.

This question - did you tell them, with a followup why not, if the answer is no - often leads somewhere interesting.

Q6: What do you wish people understood about you that they don’t?

This is such a deep question and when asked at the right moment, with the right people, it goes deep fast. I guarantee you will learn something new about a person after hearing their answer.

Q7: If you could ask anyone in the world one question, who would it be and what would you ask?

I love that you can ask this question regularly and get a different answer every time. It reveals what a person is curious about, who they admire and why.

I mean, sit and think about your own answer. It definitely makes you think, doesn’t it?

Q8: What’s something you believe that most people disagree with?

Keep in mind this question is not for every family - only for those who can appreciate a good-natured argument.

My kids and I personally LOVE a debate (with the caveat that we must listen to each other’s opinions versus try to persuade others to think the same as us).

Keep in mind: the best way to keep this discussion deep versus messy is to AGREE TO DISAGREE if certain beliefs do clash.

Q9: What’s a small decision you made that ended up making a bigger difference than you expected?

This question teaches everyone at the table to look for meaning in the ordinary. And of course it usually also produces a good story - which are always the best part of any dinner.

Q10: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

A little cliche I know classic but have you really ever taken the time to answer it with heart? Go ahead and ask it at the dinner table, with the people you love - the answers are often more insightful than you’d expect.

Q11: What’s something you’re grateful for that you don’t usually mention?

We all usually list the obvious things first: family, friends, our home, bed, clothes, food, fresh water etc.

But where we go AFTER this is always interesting. This question forces you to hone in on the quiet things you’re grateful for that we usually forget to say out loud.

Q12: What’s a dream you haven’t told anyone about yet?

This question requires the right mood - a night when everyone is a little more open, more trusting and willing to be seen. When it lands well, it lands beautifully.

If you have teens, then you know they will pretend and act as if they don’t want to talk. But what they really need is a question that doesn’t feel like an interrogation.

Some great questions include:

What’s something that made you laugh today?

If you could change one rule in our house, what would it be?

What’s something you’re proud of that nobody noticed?

If you could have dinner with any person - alive or dead - who would you choose?

What’s something you learned recently that surprised you?

The trick with teenagers is to ask and then wait. Resist the urge to fill the silence immediately and give them time to decide whether they want to answer. They usually do.

The following questions are for when you want to go deeper and everyone is in the right mood and feeling present.

They are for the kids you want to know more deeply. The partner you want to understand differently. The parent whose life you’ve never really asked about.

Ask them whether it feels right to do so and then actually take the time to listen to the answer.

1. Deep down, what does a good life look like to you?

2. When do you feel most alive?

3. What do you think you’re here to do?

4. If you could only keep three things from your current life, what would they be?

5. What does success mean to you now, compared to what it meant ten years ago?

6. What’s something you know to be true about life that you wish more people understood?

7. What do you think people get most wrong about happiness?

8. What’s something you’ve never been asked that you wish someone would ask you?

9. What does a rich life look like to you? Not financially - truly rich.

10. If you knew you only had one year left, what would you stop doing? What would you start?

11. What’s a moment from your childhood that still stays with you?

12. Who is the person who has influenced you most, and what did they teach you?

13. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever been through - and what did it give you?

14. What’s something you believed for a long time that turned out to be wrong?

15. Is there a decision you made that changed everything - even though it seemed small at the time?

16. What’s something about your life that you think people misunderstand?

17. What’s something from your past that you’ve made peace with - and how did you get there?

18. Who were you before the world told you who to be?

19. What’s a version of yourself you’ve had to leave behind in order to grow?

20. What’s the most important lesson your family taught you - and did you have to unlearn any of it?

21. Who knows you most completely?

22. What does love look like to you in practice - not the feeling, the daily reality?

23. Is there someone in your life you’ve never properly thanked - and what would you say?

24. What do you need most from the people close to you that you find hardest to ask for?

25. What’s something you wish you could say to someone but haven’t?

26. Who do you find it easiest to be yourself around - and what is it about them that makes that possible?

27. What’s a friendship that changed you, and how?

28. Is there a relationship in your life you’d like to show up differently in? What would that look like?

29. What do you think makes a relationship last?

30. When did someone say something to you that stayed with you for years?

31. What are you most afraid of - and how much does that fear run your life?

32. What’s something you carry alone that you wish you could share with someone?

33. Is there a version of yourself you’re afraid to become - and a version you’re afraid you’ll never be?

34. What would you do if you knew the people you love would still respect you no matter what?

35. What’s the most courageous thing you’ve ever done - and did it feel courageous at the time?

36. What’s something you’ve never told anyone - and why haven’t you?

37. Is there something you keep almost doing and then talking yourself out of? What is it really about?

38. What does playing it safe cost you?

39. What’s one thing you’d do differently if you cared less what people thought?

40. What are you pretending not to know?

41. What do you want your life to look like in five years - not your career, your actual life?

42. What kind of person do you want to be remembered as?

43. What are you still figuring out?

44. Is there a dream you’ve quietly given up on - and do you still want it?

45. What would make the next chapter of your life feel like the best one?

46. What do you want to do before you die that you haven’t done yet?

47. What does the best version of you look like - and how far away do you feel from them right now?

48. If everything went right from here, what would your life look like?

49. What do you think the people who love you most see in you that you struggle to see in yourself?

50. If you could send a message to the version of yourself ten years from now, what would you say?

That would be weird and defeat the whole purpose of asking these cool, insightful questions. The point is simply to be more curious about the people across the table from you.

Ask questions that go a little deeper because the dinner table is one of the last places where we still have the chance to give each other our full attention.

Because the people we love are changing all the time - becoming different, thinking new things, carrying new worries and new joys.

You need to really listen, without planning your response or reaching for your phone. Because years from now, your children probably won’t remember what you served for dinner.

But they will definitely remember how it felt to sit around the table, laugh together, wrestle with big questions, and know they belonged.

Eventually those ordinary nights will become part of your family history.

And you will see one day that it was never just about “eating food”.

But about fuelling and nourishing the relationships that formed the backbone of your life.

Much love,

Frances xxx

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After graduating with a degree in psychology and launching my life coaching business back in 2001, I’ve spent the last two decades helping women think better, achieve their dreamy goals and actually savour their one precious life.

In 2018 I launched InspiringMomLife.com, which has since welcomed over 10 million readers.

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These days I live in Sydney, Australia with my husband, kids, dogs, and a never-ending stack of books within reach.

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Wake up, do what matters and savour it all.