And yes, the twenty-year-old version of me would’ve definitely agreed.
Here I am, age 51, with nothing traditionally “life-changing” on the horizon.
I’m already done the exciting travelling stuff, lived overseas, started new exciting business ventures and raised my babies to young adulthood.
My kids are in their final years of university, which is walking distance from our home.
My daughter's goal is to do her PhD after her Masters, and my son also wants to do post-grad studies after he completes his psychology degree.
So for now my husband and I aren’t going anywhere. We love our forever home and where we live (so no plans to move). We travelled overseas last year (spent the summer in Croatia so no big trips coming soon.)
For the next little while, it’s a predictable road ahead.
I refer to this phase as humdrum because a lot of the stuff we do every day is very mundane and routine.
You wake up. Work. Cook. Clean. Socialise. Walk the dogs. Spend time with family and friends. In no particular order.
It’s predictable, and a lot of the tasks are unavoidable if you want to eat, wear clean clothes, and not live in squalor.
The weeks have a rhythm, and they tend to move past quickly, because life in the city just moves at a faster pace.
To me, autopilot is when you do the same things every day, almost like a spaced-out zombie, and resent every second of it - wishing you were somewhere else, half-checked-out, waiting for real life to start again.
Humdrum, the way I mean it, is something entirely different.
Even though the tasks might look the same from the outside as autopilot, you see them as a normal part of human life. And you can almost imagine humming to yourself while doing them.
Hamster wheel vs. humdrum, done well:
Hamster wheel mode:
Doing the tasks on autopilot, resenting every one
Half-checked-out, wishing you were somewhere else
Rushing through the moment to get to the next thing
The day happens to you
Same actions, done unconsciously
Humdrum, done well mode:
Doing the exact same tasks, fully present
Choosing to be in the room you’re actually in
Bringing attention to the moment, not rushing past it
You’re choosing the day, on purpose
Same actions, done awake
Same dishes, same chores, same weekly tasks and rhythm. The only difference is internal - THE WAY YOU FEEL INSIDE - and only you know which one you’re actually living.
Because hey, a humdrum life can be AMAZING - it all depends on how YOU decide you will show up on those ordinary days.
When you truly understand how your mind works, you realise it’s never the external events that determine how you feel.
It’s your attitude, your thoughts, your perspective, your energy, and your attention that hold the ultimate power.
You might think, “Oh, but that’s not true! My circumstances definitely influence me.” But that’s only because of what you are THINKING about your circumstances.
It’s possible to be a misery guts while drinking cocktails in Ibiza, and blissfully happy while picking potatoes in a field.
You can feel alive while vacuuming and totally flat while walking the streets of Paris.
You can feel strengthened by challenges and also pissed off by a rainy day.
It all depends on how you choose to show up, and how fully you bring yourself into any room.
Which means just like a holiday doesn’t guarantee you happiness, nor does a humdrum life. What makes the difference is presence.
Bring the fun into every single day, on purpose.
Fun people have fun, and they don’t wait for that fun to magically fall into their lap. Nor do they wait for others to somehow cajole them into doing fun activities.
Now, of course, my version of fun might look different from yours, but my plan is to inject all the fun stuff into my very ordinary days.
I want to play my favourite music loud. Read books I love. Play board games any night of the week.
Keep going to Mahjong at the local club with my friends, even though we’re the youngest people playing there. Fun isn’t something that happens to you.
It’s something you decide you will have, and you make it happen yourself because it’s important to you.
Turn the boring tasks into small rituals.
Every single boring task can be made more fun, I promise. I put on my favourite reality TV shows (such as Traitors or Survivor) or an audiobook while I iron, and it turns a chore I used to dread into something I genuinely look forward to.
Did you know you can play music loud while you do the dishes? Dance around your kitchen, even if you’re alone? The task itself doesn’t change (especially when it needs to be done) but your experience of it does.
Treat this season as one giant experiment.
This is the gift of a humdrum stretch - they are low stakes with absolutely nothing riding on it. So it’s the perfect time to treat every day as if it’s one giant life experiment.
You can try a new recipe and it doesn’t matter if it flops.
You can sign up for a new class and not worry if you realise it wasn’t for you.
You can say yes to the thing you’d normally talk yourself out of and change your mind if you want to.
Ask yourself “what have I actually got to lose?” and when the honest answer is “not much,” then that’s your green light to go ahead and just try.
Get curious about the world and the people already in it.
During a humdrum season is the perfect time to get curious about everything. Ask a friend a really deep question instead of the surface-level, shallow one.
Go to the library and find some books on things you know nothing about. Talk to the neighbour next door that you would usually just wave at.
Curiosity doesn’t require anything from you except actually paying attention to what’s already around you.
Imagine that it’s your last day here on Earth
This is a weird strategy, but it really does work. I think we’ve all heard the advice “live like it’s your last day here on Earth,” but most of us mistake it for something more grandiose.
You might think “well if I was REALLY going to die, I would quit my job immediately, or book a flight to an exotic island?'“
But what I really mean here is something a little different:
What if today really were your last day, and you still had to do everything already on your calendar - how would you do it differently?
What would you do differently? Say differently? Would you give more cuddles? Speak kinder? Wear prettier clothes? Say hello to every stranger?
How would you spend today differently if you knew you would never have it again? (News alert: it’s true, you won’t have this day again.)
Practice noticing, on purpose.
I use the classic 5/4/3/2/1 grounding exercise to help me with this.
(This entails simply noting five things I can see, four I can touch, three I can hear, two I can smell, one I can taste).
So many of us spend so much time in our head - worrying about the future, fretting about the past, but NOTICING on purpose means you are focused on the actual room you are standing in.
You are here in the NOW and aware that you will never, ever, ever get this moment back again.
Set stretchy goals that excite you, without the pressure.
Believe me when I say that even during this humdrum phase, I’m still setting dreamy goals for myself.
I have a real one: to grow this Substack to 10,000 subscribers by the end of the year. It’s ambitious and genuinely excites me.
But it’s sized to fit my current stable, humdrum life, not built to require so much unnecessary pressure to achieve.
So what could you feasibly stretch yourself to achieve over the next year? What are the things you still desire and feel a pull towards? You just need the goal to fit the life you’re actually living while you chase it.
Be in the arena, not the stands.
This is your one precious life, even if you're in a humdrum phase of your life. So try the thing. Start the thing.
I constantly refer back to a list I wrote of everything I genuinely love - music, board games, seeing my friends, real time with the people I love - and actively try to find ways to work them into my otherwise very ordinary day.
The goal is to actively live your life, versus existing like a spectator who simply watches those same days float right on by.
No comparing and despairing.
If you already know that you too are in a humdrum phase of your life, this is not the time to compare your life and path to others. Why? Because it will only make you feel terrible.
Comparing your humdrum day to someone else’s curated everything is the fastest way to make an ordinary day feel like failure - even when it has the potential to become something special.
Today can be the most amazing day, if I simply choose to focus on the amazingness around me
I am fully present and awake to this exact moment, not somewhere else in my head.
I appreciate the people right in front of me, because I truly love them so much
Everything I see around me right now are things I might miss in the future
I actively choose a life with less drama and if this means a slower life then I see that as a gift, not a lack.
I choose to notice what’s already here, instead of worrying about what’s next.
I’m opting to count my blessings today versus counting my troubles
I alone get to decide how amazing today gets to be.
I’ve been loving books by Thich Nhat Hanh lately - the Vietnamese Zen monk Martin Luther King Jr. nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.
His teaching in his book Peace Is Every Step is deceptively simple: when you’re washing the dishes, wash the dishes. Don’t do two things at once, half-present in both. Be fully in the one you’re actually doing.
I absolutely love that this practice can be applied to a humdrum life. Because it makes the ordinary things feel quite extraordinary when you are doing them with presence and intentional.
Your life might not feel bigger but it will definitely feel more awake.
If any part of your life currently feels humdrum, stop waiting for it to change, and start asking how awake you can be inside it instead.
Let this season be a little humdrum, but do your best to show up differently in the ordinariness. Wake up! Do what matters! And savour it all. It’s up to you to make the boring stuff fun.
It’s up to you to do more of what you love and let go of the things that are weighing you down.
Show up for your very ordinary day like it’s the only one you’re getting - because in a way, it is.
Remember, boring is a choice (often brought on by unintentionally choosing to be boring).
But so is extraordinary - it’s a choice you make!
And I know which choice I want to be making every day.
With love,
Frances xxx
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After graduating with a degree in psychology and launching my life coaching business back in 2001, I’ve spent the last two decades helping women think better, achieve their dreamy goals and actually savour their one precious life.
In 2018 I launched InspiringMomLife.com, which has since welcomed over 10 million readers.
I’m also the author of 25+ books and creator of 100+ digital courses designed to help women achieve meaningful goals without sacrificing their soul or sanity in the process.
You can explore them all inside Inspiring Life Academy.
These days I live in Sydney, Australia with my husband, kids, dogs, and a never-ending stack of books within reach.
My hope for this space is simple. It’s to help you:
Wake up, do what matters and savour it all.
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