Straight to the Heart

"Do to others what you would have them do to you."  - Jesus

Let’s face it.  Kids can be con artists.  They deflect, shift blame, tell fibs and stories, all so they don’t get in trouble.  They trick parents into buying their account, cover their tracks, and put up smoke screens, all to make it very difficult to tell who did what exactly, and who should be disciplined for it.  Oftentimes, this is how children can rule the home and make parents exasperated.  

“He hit me!”
“Well, she did it first!”
“He called me a name!”
“No, I didn’t.  She’s lying.”
“I’m not lying.  I was just…”

And on and on it goes.  It’s enough to make parents pull their hair out.  Many parents feel that in order to make things right, they need to find the truth of the story, figure out exactly who did what, and get to the bottom of it.  

Not so.

In our house, I straight up told our kids I didn’t care about the story.  I didn’t want to hear it.  Instead, I had just one question.

This question made these situations so much easier to navigate.  I didn’t have to call one, or both, of my kids a liar.  I didn’t have to listen to the tales that were usually blown out of proportion.  I didn’t have to get involved in the drama.  And, I didn’t have to lose my cool.  

I asked one question.  One question to both kids.  It didn’t matter which kid got asked first.  

“Did you listen to your heart?”

At first, this question is going to soar way above your kids’ heads.  Hey, its significance may have just flown right past you.  It’s going to need some explanation.  But, here’s the principle.

Before a child does something to bother, upset, or disrespect someone, they have to push past and ignore their conscience.  For most children, the voice of conscience isn’t all that loud.  It is easily drowned out by the “me, me, me,” or “what I want” voice.  Many adults suffer from the same problem.  

In order to have peace in your home, everyone will have to become accustomed to listening to their heart.  And, I haven’t yet met a kid who didn’t need this spelled out clearly.

“Did you listen to your heart?”
“I don’t know.”
“What was your heart saying?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, would you like it if someone did it to you?”
“But they were doing this…”
“Would you like it if someone did it to you?”
“No”
“Then, if you know you wouldn’t like it, you weren’t listening to your heart when you did it to them.”

And then, switch kids.  Now, they’re going to get clever and try to play games.  They’re still con artists.  But we can discuss how to navigate through all of that.

Fast forward 18 years from when we started to a recent conversation that happened a just a little while ago.  I wasn’t involved in it at all.  I overheard as one of my sons went into his sister’s room and said, “I’m really sorry for the way that I just treated you.  It was unkind and disrespectful and that’s not how I want to treat you or how you deserve to be treated.  How can I make things right with you?  I’m sorry.” 

Today, our kids are best friends with each other.

It’s much easier to have peace in the home when respect is the norm and kids have learned to listen to what their conscience is telling them.  

And it’s very possible.  It works with children of all ages.  We’ll continue breaking it down and explaining how it works in the articles ahead.

Questions?  Comments?  Let us know.