I still remember the first time I really drank. I won’t tell you the year, but I will tell you that a lot of tequila was involved, a tent, and my best friend from summer camp. What followed after the tequila wasn’t joy or bliss but pure confusion, a dizzy haze. A lack of control. And for more than a decade, I chased that feeling. Perhaps I felt like I was supposed to enjoy drinking. Or maybe it felt like the adult thing to do when I was anything but grown up. I didn’t keep doing it because I liked it. I kept doing it because it felt cool. Now I see how wrong I was.
This week marks three full years without alcohol. I’m not writing this because I want to brag about it or inspire you to take the same path. I just want to reflect and share this with you because it’s important to me, and I want you to feel like you really know me when you read this newsletter.
I realize now how truly incompatible drinking is with the my life. Why would I want to numb myself from a life with so much potential for depth and connection? Drinking rarely, if ever, improved a situation for me. I know it’s not that way for everyone, but a night was never better or more fun simply because alcohol was involved. It just allowed me to lose control just enough to feel more comfortable with myself in my early 20s.
Some of the best days, nights and moments of my life don’t involve any alcohol at all, and they were wonderful, in part, because I wasn’t distracted by the allure of alcohol. I was present instead of asking myself if I was drinking too much. Or wondering if I should have a drink at all. It was never a simple answer for me, I just knew alcohol was subtracting from my life, not adding to it. And proof that I made the right decision showed up almost immediately as I saw my mental health clear up a bit and relationships improve.
In college, drinking was deeply engrained in the day-to-day culture. Literally. I went to a Big 10 school. $2 Tuesday. $3 Thursday. Friday was the beginning of the weekend. Of course you had to go out on Saturday, and if there was a football game, you’d drink during the day while you tailgated and at night. I didn’t see it as an issue until I graduated and physical and emotional space from all of it. And that’s not to say I didn’t love my college experience. I did. But it was an experience that was filled with alcohol, and perhaps I’d remember more of it if that wasn’t the case.
It hasn’t been a straightforward road. I spent my first eight years in New York in an on-again, off-again relationship with drinking. I loved her, but I hated her. It was tumultuous, and after drinking far too much wine and champagne at a college friend’s wedding in August 2023, I decided it was time to officially break up. The first year was challenging, but it only got easier, and now I don’t even think about it. Again, I know that’s not the case for everyone, and I’m not implying that it is.
There’s simply not one right way to have a relationship with alcohol or a right time to end it, if at all. It’s impossibly difficult to let go of for some and wildly easy to say goodbye to for others. Today, drinking feels like a toxic person from my past, and I’m thrilled to move forward without it.
This is a tough topic, and I want to share some resources that might be useful if you’re struggling with alcohol use and need help.
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor.
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Admin (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-4357. Counselors offer referrals to treatment centers, support groups, and community-based services. They also have an online Treatment Services Locator.
Thank you for reading Extra Credit. I’m so glad you’re here.
xx
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.