A Dark Night of the Soul

Here we are, at the end of another month.

Life goes on. I closed out July having done 7 weddings. Another record. I am convinced that when the shit hits the fan in society, people do what they can to cling to something solid, and for many people, that solidity comes in getting married.

Those of you who like to inform me that “I’m so busy!” will be happy to hear that I did no talks and no workshops this month, although I did release one podcast episode. I’ve been nesting: clearing some clutter in my home, fixing a few things, thinking about painting the walls some bright colors. My garden looks good, the stalls are clean, the horses happy. What’s really been going on this month is inner stuff.

Inwardly, I am in the midst of a shift. While not all inner shifts are characterized by dark nights of the soul, this one is. I’m sitting with the darkness, allowing it to reveal to me what it wants revealed. I’m exploring it, asking it what it has to say.

I know enough about times like this to know that what emerges on the other side will be good, even if the journey is a bit unpleasant. Sleepless nights, tears, a desire to isolate coupled with a desire to be with my peeps, a desire to stay home coupled with a desire to go outside and play. Needless to say, balance amidst all this is important, along with regular communication with my mentors.

One thing I’ve done that has really helped is to change my focus in what I read every day. It is a spiritual principle that what we focus on expands. In my attempt to remain aware, I’ve subscribed to many writers who report on the atrocities occurring daily, and that has been a direct contributor to my current state of mind. Simply put, I can’t do it any more. So I unsubscribed from all the folks who have been supplying me with the daily news. I’ve kept Associated Press, NPR and Heather Cox Richardson. All the rest of them are gone. I know, I know. I know that one of the things a regime does is blast people with so much bad stuff that they get worn down and simply check out, descending into apathy, leaving the regime free to do what it intended all along, turn the country into an authoritarian dicatorship. But I simply can’t do it anymore. I will still contact my congress people and show up to protests when I can and boycott places like Hobby Lobby. But I can’t continue focusing on what is happening out there.

I’m now focusing on writers who write about spiritual stuff. This morning I read a very well thought out piece about truth and another about forgiveness according to Carl Jung. And another reading that is an introduction into the deeper meaning of the Ten Commandments. I’ll be accepting that invitation to take a deeper dive there. This is my kind of spiritual stuff.

In clearing out the clutter, I’ve contributed to creating a void in my dark night of the soul. An opening. This is purposeful, it is part of the creative process and it is a part that I’ve grown to love. I have no problem hanging out in that place of the unknown, what I call the hallway. When one door closes but before the new doors have opened.

I know enough about this process to know it cannot be rushed. So I do my inner and outer work. I read and study and meditate and stay aware, every day. I am continuing my physical clearing of clutter.

There you have it. I’ve been writing, every day. But you, dear reader, have not seen most of it. I questioned whether or not to even publish this writing, but I do feel an obligation to support my supporters and I hope you got something out of this. I do so appreciate all of you who subscribe to my work. Thank you.