I'm ridiculously good at hosting. Here's what matters.

I decide what the mood is before choosing the menu

I almost always start with an image (or a pinterest board) in my head: a certain mood, what people are wearing, what the table looks like, what music is playing, whether I want the whole thing to be dressed up or very casual.. The menu comes after.

The table shouldn’t look like it was bought as a set

I’m not a big fan of tables where everything matches. Mine feels more collected: I usually put out the inherited crystal glasses we got from my husband’s late grandmother, old (partially melted) candles, silver plates I’ve accumulated over the years and a tablecloth my mother gifted me when we moved in. Much nicer and more inviting right??

You’ll never catch me asking people to take their shoes off

I’m sorry but I will die on this hill!!! I don’t have the heart to ask a friend who spent god knows how much time getting ready and making an effort to look her best for a party I AM throwing to just walk barefoot because I’m a germ freak?? I’ll compliment her and clean the floor tomorrow, that’s fine.

I’ll always act as though dinner was no trouble

I always flinch when I’m invited somewhere and the host greets us with “oh I’m already so tired, I’ve been at it since this morning”. I don’t want my guests to feel like their presence is any kind of a burden to me. Yes I probably cooked all day and went to three different stores to make sure I had the freshest produce and nicest ingredients, but this was a choice I deliberately made. They didn’t force me to host a dinner party, so “oh no thank YOU for coming, I barely did anything!”

Lighting > flowers

You can buy the prettiest flowers, you can set the most elegant table or put on the fanciest playlist, if the big ceiling light is on, I don’t want to be there. I’d rather do little lamps everywhere, a ton of candles (a bit of a fire hazard but hey let’s live dangerously for once) and nothing bright enough to make everyone painfully aware of what time it actually is.

Let people talk!!!

Hosting is not.. performing! You don’t need to drive the conversation (or be at the center of all of them) just because you’re hosting. More often than not, hosts panic when there’s a tiny bit of silence. Leave it!! Someone will speak, it’s ok.

On a related note, don’t talk too loud

For me, the host will always set the tone. So if you’re screaming from one end of the table, pretty sure pretty soon all of your guests will do the same and everyone will wake up the next morning in need of a Doliprane. You shouldn’t need to scream to make people listen to you. Also I always keep the music one notch below conversation level.

Always have something people can eat with their hands.

You have so many choices: for this one I did: fresh vegetables with some dips, pain de campagne with some Brillat-Savarin, Pata negra… Basically little things people don’t need to sit down to enjoy. I found this helps the first glasses of wine go down and the conversations start.

Don’t make people sit down too quickly..

This one took me some time to learn, but that part of the night, at the beginning, when everyone is standing around, looking at the drinks table, talking to whoever just arrived.. It gives people time to arrive, be present. It’s always awkward trying to get in the mood when the second you take off your coat, someone points you toward a tiny place card, and you suddenly find yourself sitting next to someone you didn’t even get a chance to introduce yourself to.

.. but when you do, seating plans are not a bad idea

I don’t think you need to spend hours deciding who should sit next to whom, wedding style, but having a rough idea usually helps. For example I’d rather have couples sit opposite each other (rather than next to each other) because it leaves room for more people to connect. Also it’s so fun playing friendship cupid when I have a feeling two friends of mine would really like each other.

Pro tip: I usually invite people beyond my inner circle and always mix them if that makes sense? I mean if all eight guests do the same thing and have the same lives, meh... It’s so much more fun to mix old friends with new ones, preferably people from completely different worlds to create unexpected combinations. Make sure to just have enough overlap that nobody feels completely alone!

Great ingredients > Fancy dishes

Fresh seasonal produce does the impressing. Don’t need to spend hours cooking something fancy you’ve never tried before. Seasonal tomatoes, local honey, real butter.. You don’t need a lot more.