Grandpas in the Garden

I

People who asked advice from the ‘Grandpas on the Garden,’ were complete idiots, Jon always told himself. These ‘Grandpas’ were simply old guys with nothing else to do but pontificate, who sat with a sign at public parks, ready to chat with anyone foolish to come within their three foot radius. Beyond being senile, what did they know about today’s world and problems? Did they even remember the feeling of being young and searching for something that eluded them? What could they say to strangers other than follow the rules and save money by cutting fun and spontaneity?

Jon was in his mid-20s, wearing a fun shirt of aliens playing hopscotch, brimming with frustration. Jon looked around at the pond, the cheerful park lit by late August afternoon sun. Sitting off the main path, with two chairs and a homemade sign, was an old guy in his mid 60s, staring into space, wearing a faded Nirvana t-shirt.

Still, Jon needed advice.

Jon walked over and sat down opposite the Grandpa, in a plastic lawn chair that creaked. “So, how does this work,” Jon asked. He appeared to have woken the old fart from his late afternoon siesta.

“Well, I guess that we could start by introducing ourselves. My name is Jake. What’s yours?”

“I’m Jon. What do you do here?”

“A lot of things really. Sometimes people are lonely and want to chat about the birds and flowers in the park. Sometimes they want to vent about something. Sometimes they have a problem that they want to talk through. Sometimes they want advice. You know, from someone with more life experience.”

“How do I know that you have such great life experience?” Jon asked. “i just know that you managed not to die and now you spend your afternoons in the park talking to random people.”

Jake let out a hearty laugh. “A worthy question. I don’t have a resume to give you to validate my life choices. Some were good, and some, well, not so good. The not so good ones are where I learned the most.”

Jake continued, “anyway, if asked, I just ask questions to get them to think. It’s completely up to you whether to do something. If you think that I am a complete idiot, just ignore my questions. That’s the beauty of it. I am not some annoying aunt who will ask you, every Christmas, whether you did what she told you to do.”

“But if I am walking in the park, won’t you flag me down for an update?” Jon asked.

“Absolutely not.” Jake said. “You can leave at any time. You never have to come back. The only thing I ask is, don’t break my chair.”

“I’ll try not to, but it is pretty damn rickety,” Jon said. He moved around in the chair to some more creaks. “I can promise you that I won’t try to break it.”

“Good enough. What’s on your mind?”

Jon shifted in the chair, but stopped when he heard a loud crack. “Well, I wanted some advice. Advice I may or may not take.”

“Fair enough,” Jake said. “Shoot.”

“Well, I am entering my second year of law school.”

“Very prestigious,” Jake said.

“Yeah, that’s what everybody says,” Jon said with a twisted smile, “but I don’t want to be a lawyer. I dread it. And I am borrowing tens of thousands of dollars to become something I hate.”

“”Well, that is a real pickle,” said Jake.

That was all he could come up with, Jon thought. Jon considered whether it would be more dramatic to smash the chair in front of him, or break it over Jake’s head.

“Can I ask a few questions to help you think this though,” Jake asked.

“Ok.”

“Are you sure about this? Is it a sudden reaction? Is it because you don’t want to do all the work of law school?”

“Hell no. I can handle the work. I have been thinking about this all summer,” Jon said. “I have been volunteering at a legal aid clinic, which is the best thing that a lawyer can do.”

“But you still don’t like it?” Jake asked.

“Not really. Besides, that’s not what they want me to do. They don’t see it as being a real lawyer. That would never be good enough for them.”

“What would be good enough for them?”

“Being a big time corporate lawyer. Partner in a big firm. Making lots of money, and eventually being on prestigious society boards.”

“But that’s not for you?” Jake asked.

“Absolutely not. I find that repulsive.”

“Hmm, ok,” Jake asked. “Who is the ‘them’ that is pushing you to stay in law school.”

“Everybody, really. That’s why I am talking to you, some old fool in a park.”

Jake smirked.

“Besides, they aren’t even pushing me,” Jon said. “They have no idea that going back to law school is even a question. My girlfriend Hannah was gushing just yesterday about how next summer I could score a cushy summer associate gig, maybe even at her Dad’s law firm.”

“She thinks that she has latched onto a rich young lawyer?”

“Yup, she has my whole future planned out for me.”

“Have you talked to her about what you want,” Jake asked.

“Hell no, I know what she thinks. She thinks dreams of being something different are just childish and naive. She has no time for that nonsense.”

”But isn’t that an important part of who you are?” Jake asked.

“It’s what I was, but she is teaching me to move past that.”

“If it wasn’t for ‘them,’ what would you want to do?”

Jon floundered for a while. “A rebel, a writer, a something.”

Jake asked, “how do you get there?”

“I don’t know,” Jon said, “that’s why I am in law school.”

“Ok, but do you think that she, and the rest of ‘them,’ are trying to submerge the real you?”

“What the hell do you know about that?” Jon said. “You have never met her. You don’t know what she is like.”

“”Maybe not, but I have met you. You sure don’t seem like you dream of being a rich, well-established, lawyer.”

“This is bullshit,” Jon exploded. “You don’t know a damn thing about any of this stuff. Why should I listen to you?”

“I might know quite a bit about it,” Jake said quietly.

Jon stormed off.

II

“Hey, I see your chair isn’t broken yet,” Jon said as he finally approached the Grandpa in the park.

“Yes, most people take good care of it,” Jake answered.

They eyed each other for a minute.

“Nice of you to check on the welfare of my old chair,”Jake said.

“Least that I could do,” Jon said. “”Anyway, I wanted to ask about something else.”

“About going to law school.”

“No, no, not that,” Jon momentarily frowned, “I just took out more loans to pay for the second year.”

“Oh, ok, what then?”

“I need to decide whether to tell Hannah something.”

“What’s that?”

“You are a nosy bastard,” Jon said. “Anyway, I used to be pretty wild. I worked at a casino, and dated a girl there. We really connected, and it got pretty serious. She had a sideline of working as a stripper.”

“Ok, what happened?”

“What happened?” Jon said. “That’s it? You’re not going to condemn me or ask how I could be so foolish?”

“No, I’m not. What happened?”

“You had more of an issue that I was going to law school. You had lots of questions whether it was really me or if I was just doing what ‘they’ wanted me to do.”

“Yes, I did, but it doesn’t sound like you want to talk about that. Why do you bring this past girlfriend up? Did she get in touch with you?”

“No, not that,” Jon laughed. “She moved onto to someone with much more money and much less legality. The problem is that Hannah has been quizzing me about my past girlfriends.”

“And you have skipped this one?” Jake asked.

“Absolutely. That whole part of my life would be disqualifying.”

“Ok. So, now you are worried that she will find out?”

“You finally got it,” Jon said. “What do I do?”

“Well, did you date her here, or somewhere else?”

“Somewhere else.”

“That helps. But do you still have friends from that time?”

Jon considered, “I could cut them off if I had to.”

“Ugh. Well, have you told your friends here stories of your wild past?”

“Yeah, just bro talk,” Jon said.

“Just bro talk. Ok. It’s a juicy story. Do you think that they told their girlfriends? Could Hannah know already?”

“There is no way Hannah knows. She would have confronted me. As to the guys, they promised to keep it to themselves.”

“Hmm, not sure that I would bank on that,” Jake said. “It will be worse if you lie now and she finds out later. You are taking a big risk.”

“I know that. What should I do?”

“That’s your call. I can’t tell you what to do.”

“What good are you then? I need advice here?”

“I only ask questions to think about. I won’t tell you about your future.”

“This whole thing should be called useless Grandpas in the Garden.” Jon shook his head, jumped up from the creaky chair, and left.

III

“Well, now you’ve done it,” Jon said.

“Done what,” said Jake, rousing himself from his mid-afternoon snooze.

“I followed your advice, and it wrecked my life. Congratulations, you loser grandpa.”

“I don’t give advice,” said Jake softly, “I ask questions. What happened?”

“Exactly what I didn’t want to happen,”Jon said.

Jake looked at Jon and waited.

“Ok, ok,” said Jon. “I told Hannah about my ex, just like you told me too. She called me a sleazebag and dumped me. She told all our friends, and they have dumped me too.”

“Hmm, all her friends, don’t you mean.”

“All the people who were going to be part of my new life.”

“You lost the country club set,” Jake said.

“Damn straight, buddy. And I bet Hannah’s daddy tells his friends, so there will be a black mark against me in every white shoe law firm in town.”

“Could be. Still, do you think that you would have fit in with the country club set?”

“I would have made myself fit in,” Jon said.

“Remake yourself to fit into the world of Skips and Biffs, fussing about your golf tee times and complaining about lazy junior associates.”

“It’s better than what I’ve got now.”

“Hmm, really,” Jake said. “So what will you do now?”

“No idea.”

“Well, are you going to finish law school?”

Jon looked at the pond. “”I kind of have to. I already paid for two years of tuition. I don’t know how I could pay that back with any cool job.”

“Ok, that’s one decision already. You could look for lawyer jobs that you might actually like to do. Don’t those pay enough to pay back your student loans?”

“Much slower than with a corporate law job, but I could probably manage.”

“At least you don’t have to pay annual dues to the country club.”

“Or the greens fees.” Jon looked Jake over. “Who are you? How do you know so damn much?”

“Me,” Jake laughed. “You said it yourself, just another loser Grandpa in the Garden, spending my empty afternoons chatting with random people in the park.”

“A loser, maybe,” Jon snorted, “but I doubt that you are like the other Grandpas. I bet they would tell me to grow up, fit in, and marry a respectable girl like Hannah.”

“They probably give advice like that. If you want that, there are plenty of them around.”

“You are pretty damn fiesty for an old grandpa. I bet you don’t fit in with the others,”Jon said.

“I don’t,” Jake said. “I take that as your highest compliment.”

“Ok, then, who are you? You seem to know a lot about me and how I think.”

“I do,” Jake said. “Just think of me as an older version of yourself.”

“Are you an older version of myself?” Jon asked.

“I am not going to answer. Let’s just say that it might be worth your time thinking about my questions.”

“Hmm, you are damned frustrating, you know. I should break this old chair over your head.”

Jake smiled and laughed. “That’s the one thing you promised not to do. Besides, I’m not the only one here who has been called frustrating.”

“Fair enough.” Jon sat back in the chair. “But where have you been? There are plenty of times I should have had advice before I made some rash, idiotic decision.”

“I have been here, every time,” Jake said quietly. “You never stopped. You just thought compete idiots talked to Grandpas in the Garden.”

“If I had your advice, I could have avoided some blunders.”

“Probably not. People only like advice that confirms what they already want to do. Would you have taken my advice not to date Hannah? Never.”

“Maybe, but my life is a mess,” Jon said. “Can you give me advice now?”

“Sorry, I won’t tell you what is going to happen, nor tell you what to do. I can only give you questions to think about, and then you figure it out.”

“Thanks, I guess. Will you be here if I need to talk through something?” Jon asked.

“Yes, I can promise you that,” Jake said.

Jon gave Jake a firm handshake.

“Who knows,” Jake said, “if you play your cards right, maybe some day you’ll be a Grandpa in the Garden.”

Jon smirked. “At least that gives me something to shoot for.”

They both laughed.