ABC — But Start With C

I was scrolling through Instagram recently and came across one of those whiteboard videos — simple marker, basic handwriting, rudimentary delivery. The kind of content that could easily get scrolled past. But the framework he was laying out stopped me, not because it was perfectly presented, but because the bones of it were right.

He talked about three things: your circle, your behaviors, and your actions.

And the moment I saw it, I thought — that’s ABC. But almost everyone starts at C.

It makes sense that we jump to action first. Action feels productive. Action feels like progress. When we decide we want to change something about our lives — get healthier, advance professionally, build something new — the first question we ask is almost always what do I need to do?

But here’s the problem with starting at C: if your behaviors are working against you and your circle isn’t moving in the direction you want to go, the actions you take won’t stick. You’ll make progress in short bursts and then drift back. Not because you lack willpower. Because you haven’t addressed the two things upstream that are shaping everything downstream.

There’s a concept in curriculum design called backwards design — you start with the outcome you want and work backwards to figure out what needs to happen to get there. A colleague of mine repeated it so consistently it became almost a mantra. It took a while to really sink in. But once it did, I started seeing it everywhere — including here.

If you want to change where you end up, start at the end and work backwards. Not A, B, C. C, B, A.

Start here. Look around at the people closest to you.

Not to judge them. Not to decide they’re the wrong people. Just to observe honestly: where are they going? What are they doing? What do their days look like, their habits, their ambitions, their conversations?

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth — if you stay in your current circle and your current circle isn’t moving, you’re probably not moving either. Not because the people around you are holding you back intentionally, but because circles shape behavior in ways we rarely notice until we step outside of them.

You don’t typically find committed readers staying long-term in circles of people who never open a book. Not because readers are better people — just because the behaviors are so different that the overlap becomes strained over time. We naturally drift toward people whose rhythms match our own.

Watch how children take on the behaviors of the group they spend the most time with. Adults are not as different from children as we’d like to believe.

So the first honest question isn’t what do I need to do? It’s who am I around, and where are they headed?

If your circle is moving toward where you want to go, stay in it and keep up. If your circle is stationary — if no one in it is doing what you want to do or living the way you want to live — then something has to shift. That’s not a betrayal of anyone. It’s just an honest assessment of the gravitational forces in your life.

Once you’ve looked at your circle, look at your behaviors. And notice how closely they mirror each other.

If you’re surrounded by people who eat out constantly, who don’t exercise, who stay up late and move slow — your behaviors are probably going to trend in that direction too, regardless of your intentions. Not because you’re weak. Because behavior is contagious and we absorb the patterns of the people we spend the most time with.

The same works in reverse. Spend consistent time around people who read, who invest in their skills, who talk about ideas and growth and craft — and your behaviors start to shift without you forcing them. The environment does some of the work.

So before you commit to a set of actions, look honestly at the behaviors you’re currently running. Which ones are moving you forward? Which ones are quietly working against every action you’re trying to take? You can commit to waking up at 5am and going to the gym, but if the behaviors woven into the rest of your day are pulling in the opposite direction, that single action is going to feel like swimming upstream indefinitely.

Behavior change is hard. But it’s considerably less hard when your circle is already modeling the behaviors you’re trying to build.

Now you’re ready to talk about action.

With the right circle around you and a clear-eyed view of which behaviors need to change, the actions you need to take become more obvious — and more sustainable. You’re not white-knuckling your way toward a goal in isolation. You’re moving with momentum that the first two steps helped create.

A friend told me something years ago that has stayed with me ever since. He said that if you want to reach the next level, you have to change how you act, how you talk, how you live, and what you do. You have to start learning the language of the next level. The culture of it. Because you cannot live at the next level with the culture you currently have. You cannot speak fluently in a world whose language you’ve never practiced.

That’s not harsh. That’s just true. And it’s freeing once you accept it, because it gives you something concrete to work on. Learn the language. Learn the culture. Develop the knowledge, the skills, and the mindset that belong to the place you’re trying to get to.

But also — and this part matters — if you look honestly at that next level and the values that come with it don’t resonate with you, then maybe that particular next level isn’t yours to chase. Not every ladder is worth climbing. Knowing which ones are worth your energy is its own form of wisdom.

Circle. Behaviors. Action.

Not because action is unimportant — it’s essential. But action without the foundation of the right circle and honest self-examination of your behaviors is like trying to grow something in soil that hasn’t been prepared. You might get something to sprout. But it won’t take root the way it could.

Work backwards from where you want to be. Ask who needs to be around you, what needs to change in how you’re showing up daily, and then — once those two things are in motion — ask what actions will carry you the rest of the way.

The Instagram guy with the whiteboard had the right pieces. He just needed to flip the order.

Start with C.

You can’t live at the next level with the culture you have. Start by changing the circle.