Ask Annie: What Are the Biggest Mistakes We Make When Trying To Communicate With Dogs?

Hello, humans—and very literate dogs.

I have been away from the keyboard for the last six weeks because I’ve been on full-time mom duty. It’s pretty much the first summer in thirty years that I haven’t had a job, and I’m enjoying it immensely.

Then again, parenting is a job. It’s just unpaid, offers no vacation, and comes with zero benefits other than being told “I love you” nine times a day.

There’s no job I’d rather have.

Mommying, however, hasn’t left me much time to do much of anything else. Occasionally, I manage to do some writing in my head. I’ll have some help next week, so I hope to soon be able to transfer the sentences I’ve been stringing together from my brain to yours through the magic of writing.

(When my oldest daughter was four and I was trying to get her excited about learning to read, I said, “I can have a thought and write it down, and then you can read it, and it’s like it went from my head into your head without us ever even needing to talk!” She said, “But Mama, I like talking to you!”)

In the half dozen minutes I’ve had free to do things other than make peanut butter sandwiches, wipe tushies, blow up floaties and assist in the making of friendship bracelets, I’ve answered a few queries from media outlets.

This is apparently how reporters do things now. Back in my days as a journalist, I called an expert, we had a conversation, I wrote down the best parts of what they said and turned it into a story. Now, it seems reporters email a list of questions, the source supplies perfectly crafted quotes that make up the bulk of the piece—all without us ever even needing to talk!

I feel like I’m the one writing the article but no longer the one getting paid to do so.

Topsy turvy times we’re in.

Anyway, I thought I’d share one I recently received from Parade.

They asked:

What are the top mistakes owners make when communicating with their dogs?

I replied with three article-ready points.

1. Talking too much

When you’re lecturing your dog at the dog run—“Leo, stop humping Bella! Buy her dinner first!”—your dog is hearing something closer to “mwah wah wah wah.”

They may also simply be registering that you’re paying attention to them, which most dogs love. So your scolding could actually be reinforcing the very behavior you are hoping to discourage.

And when you say, “Sit. I said sit. Sit, sit, sit!” your dog may learn that the entire string of words is the cue.

You’re better off asking once, then waiting for the correct response.

2. Showing your hand too early with food

Too often, I see people holding a treat directly in front of a dog’s nose while asking for a sit. That can accidentally teach the dog to sit only when food is visible.

I call this getting lost in Treat Land.

Try to keep the food out of sight until after the behavior happens. First the dog does the thing. Then the treat appears. Training with a treat pouch around your waist is also just a better look than waving around a Ziploc of smushed hotdog bits.

3. Expecting too much, too soon

We are already asking a lot of dogs simply by plopping them down in our extremely human worlds.

Before demanding that a dog do all the things you ask—and then feeling the urge to punish them when they don’t comply—make sure they feel safe around you and comfortable in the environment you’ve put them in.

That often means lowering your criteria and being generous with rewards, so your dog can form good associations with you and the world you’re asking them to live in before you start worrying about specific behaviors.

In other words: Before asking, “Why won’t my dog listen to me?” it may be worth asking, “Is my dog feeling safe and comfortable enough in this environment to be able to listen to me?”

Share

PS: If you’re new here, I should perhaps explain that, prior to this recent period of my life, I ran a dog-training business in New York City called School For The Dogs. Then, in early 2025, I closed it. I wrote a series of essays about the difficult process of running a small-business post-COVID, and ultimately having to shut it down. You can start at the beginning here.

Instagram: Annie Grossman

Train with Annie: AnnieGrossman.com/consultation