It’s 7:37 p.m. and I am completely, utterly running on fumes.
Sleep has been a stranger for two whole days. 48 long hours of chasing rest, sleeping for maybe three hours, waking up, and trying to function like a normal human being.
Everyone looks at me and sees this strong, grounded, ambitious soul who has life completely figured out. They think I am built out of iron, that nothing touches me, that I don’t get tired. They see how driven I am, how passionately I build my life, and they immediately start with that classic line:
“Ah, you need to tone it down, o. If you become too much, how will you find someone to stay?”
So out of sheer panic, years ago, I grabbed onto a situation just so I wouldn’t be left behind, without even stopping to ask if it was actually meant for me.
Thank God for growth, because I took my heart back and handed the steering wheel right back to Jesus. But being single is a real journey.
Most days, I am solid. I am at peace, living my life, and doing just fine. But today?
Today my eyes are heavy, my body is weary, and my heart is loudly throwing a proper tantrum. I don’t want to be the strong one tonight. I don’t want to carry the weight of the world, solve big problems, or play the mature adult who has it all together.
I just want to be taken care of. I want to collapse into a safe set of arms, hide my face from the noisy world, and let someone else be the anchor for a change.
God knows I want my husband. And honestly, whether you are a man or a woman reading this, you know this exact feeling. I don’t just mean a title, a ring, or a fancy wedding picture. I crave my person.
I want to be loved out loud, cherished until my heart feels full, and held in a way that leaves zero room for doubt. I want the kind of everyday partnership where we laugh so hard our stomachs hurt over absolute nonsense in the kitchen.
I want a shoulder to lean on when the day knocks the wind out of me, and a partner who looks at me like I am the sweetest thing he has ever seen.
I am a lover at heart. When I love, I give it my all—deep, real, and without holding back. I crave that simple, beautiful exchange. To pour all this warmth into someone who truly gets it, and to feel that exact same tenderness poured right back into me.
If you've been reading Ardent or read Unspoken, you'd know this by now.
Lol! The irony isn't lost on me. Na me use my hand dey write love story and na same me Sewa and Romeo no gree see rest.
Pardon my French. I mean Pidgin English. What I wrote above means:
I am the pen writing about Sewa and Romeo who have refused to give me rest.
Ọrọ and Mautin did theirs too. Gosh! I became an unpaid expert “Awwwwn awwwwwn” crew member.
When I finally catch my husband, he is in big trouble!
Calm down. Not like that. It's good trouble.
I am going to hold him so tight he won’t even remember what life felt like before me. We will jest, we will pray, we will banter, and I will spoil him rotten until he can’t stop smiling. But until that day comes, I am sitting right here with my Love, Seide playlist playing softly in the background on the days I call “Some days require a husband and today is one of them.”
Songs like “Safe” and “Now and Always” keep reminding me of the peace I am waiting for. I am reflecting on the beautiful, raw poetry of the Song of Solomon, reminding myself that it is better to wait than to settle for breadcrumbs just to fill a quiet room.
I am waiting because this heart of mine is precious, and it isn’t meant for just anybody.
I am waiting because this journey I am on requires a man fit for the Office, not just any man. I am staying patient, trusting God, and knowing that the same God who put this deep longing in my heart will bring us together in His own perfect, beautiful time.
I sit here daydreaming about what our ordinary days will look like. I can already picture the late-night gist in our living room, tea in hand, dissecting our days and laughing until tears come out of our eyes. I imagine us sitting on the floor, planning, brainstorming, and dreaming up big ideas that will bless the world. Because it won't just be about romance. It will be about Kingdom.
I want us to run together. I want us to hold hands, pray over nations, open our hearts to people who need love, and build something so powerful that it leaves a mark long after we are gone. We will be a team—two driven, passionate people fueling each other's purpose instead of competing for space.
Imagine having a best friend who gets your vision, protects your peace, and still finds time to tease you when you're taking yourself too seriously. That is the life I am imagining. Walking through doors together, impacting lives, setting standards, and then coming home to a soft, safe space where we can just be two kids in love. We will do life fully, deeply, and joyfully.
So I am staying patient, trusting God, and knowing that the same God who put this deep longing in my heart will bring us together in His own perfect, beautiful time.
If you’ve read this far, thank you for letting me share this piece of my heart with you tonight. I know I can't be the only one sitting in this quiet space of waiting, holding onto faith while still longing for that tender kind of love.
How are you navigating your own season of waiting? What does your version of "doing life together" look like?
Leave a comment and tell me your thoughts. Let's gist, encourage each other, and remind one another that our longing is valid.
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