You Thought Motherhood Would Heal You

Maybe part of you thought motherhood would heal you.

Or at least make you strong enough to finally leave behind the food thoughts, the body shame, the old behaviors, the fear, the control, the parts of yourself you felt most ashamed of.

Maybe you thought:

Once I’m pregnant, I’ll be different.

Once the baby is here, I’ll be more motivated.

Once I’m responsible for someone else, I won’t struggle like this anymore.

I thought that too.

And then motherhood came with so much love…

but also sleep deprivation, body changes, hunger, identity loss, overstimulation, responsibility, and the ache of being needed while not knowing how to need anything myself.

For a long time, I felt so much shame that the eating disorder was still there.

Sometimes whispering.

Sometimes loud.

Sometimes hidden under things that looked acceptable from the outside:

I’m just busy.

I forgot to eat.

I’m just tired.

I’m just trying to feel like myself again.

In today’s episode, I’m sharing more personally about the hope that motherhood would cure me — and the grief and shame I felt when it didn’t.

Because maybe you have wondered too:

I’m a mom now. Why is this still here?

If that question has ever lived quietly inside you, I hope this episode feels like a compassionate hand on your shoulder.

Motherhood was never supposed to cure us.

Our children were never meant to be responsible for healing the wounds we carried before they were born.

And struggling in recovery does not mean we love them any less.

You can press play above to listen to the full podcast episode.

And if this is a place where you’ve felt alone, I’d love to invite you to Lift the Shame, my free monthly support group for mothers and moms-to-be in eating disorder recovery.

It’s a space to be reminded that you are not the only one carrying this overlap.

You are not the only one who loves your children deeply and still finds recovery hard.

You are not the only one learning how to mother yourself while mothering them.

With you,

Crystal