Delayed Is Not Denied

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This weekend, a new chapter finally began.
A home by the water.
In Spain.

Two desires that have lived in my soul and on my vision board for years.
I am honestly in shock that both are now not only existing, but at the same time.

However, when talking about this personal win, I must share a key detail about the journey:

The desire to live near water didn’t begin as a dream. It began as survival.

About a decade ago in New York, in the middle of grieving my mother’s passing,
my therapist suggested something simple but life-altering:

“You may want to consider living somewhere with more sun and closer to the water,” she said.

Everyone knows I love New York (yes, present tense), but the cold winters there coupled with the darkness of grief was showing signs that my seasonal affective disorder could easily spiral into a full on depression if I didn’t change things up.

So I considered it. For 2 years. And in 2017, that suggestion became a relocation to Los Angeles.

As an actor, from the outside, it looked like a career decision.

But the truth was deeper. Far more personal.

It was honestly all about finding an environment that could hold me while I learned how to hold myself.

And even then, I knew the moment that I arrived, that LA wasn’t forever. It was not on my vision board.

But it was 8 life changing years. Mostly because of the location that called me there. Which is why I would spend hours traveling to the ocean during that time.
Two-hour round trips, often to the same beach in Malibu.

The sound of the ocean and my feet buried in the sand became my sanctuary. A safe place that I could connect to something my soul deeply needed.

And now, the beach is a five-minute walk away. In a city I chose.

One that, finally, feels like it is choosing me back.

I am writing this from the patio of my new flat, and this moment feels like one of the deepest exhales of my life.

I am both excited and relieved.

A mix of emotions that only comes when something you’ve known for a very long time finally becomes your reality.

I’m so proud of myself, this moment and the deep knowing that desires should not be confused as preferences. They are, at the purest form, instructions.

What once felt like a longing was actually guidance.

And what felt delayed was never denial.

I can see clearly now, that the time it took was the time needed to build a life that could fully support this moment.

I know clearer than ever that there is a difference between wanting something and needing it.

And when you honor what you need, even slowly and imperfectly, life reorganizes around that truth.

Speaking of truth, I must add this supporting truth: patience is not passive.

It is the decision to keep choosing what you know is right for you even when it hasn’t fully arrived yet.

What in your life has required patience not because it was out of reach but because it needed to unfold differently?

What in your life feels like a desire but is actually a need?

And what would change if you treated it that way?