I brushed against something lumpy in the front, left pocket of my cute new pajama pants. As my fingers contacted the object-a rubbery ball of something, I knew exactly what it was.
NOOOOO!
My custom teeth bleaching tray-but melted into a ball.
Maybe you use whitening strips or special toothpaste but I use the trays you fill with the stuff in a syringe you get at the dentist.
I had placed them in my pocket one morning after cleaning them, forgotten about it and must have thrown these pants in the wash. The dryer had melted them into an irreparable ball (I even tried to boil them). I was a sad sight at the stove.
This was a hard moment for me for a few reasons.
UGH the mental load of motherhood/running a household has me “messing up” in ways I never have in my life before-it’s just too hard to be perfect anymore.
My dad’s a dentist and he made these for me like 20 years ago (parents live far away now). They kinda have sentimental value and I feel like I let him down. PS he won’t even care and would be mad that I even wasted a moment feeling bad.
It brought up these deep feelings of shame and fear-growing up and being so serious about keeping my nice things nice and fear of bringing financial ruin upon my family if I did not do so.
I mention the cute pajama pants because those are a symbol of me getting over those childhood scarcity feelings. Having nice things even when they don’t “need” to be nice-like your pajamas.
The pressure I used to put on myself with material objects
A much much worse thing I messed up with as a teen
Ways I’ve found to overcompensate for this as an adult
How I’ve found a way out of this loop whenever the feelings come up
I talk about things here that I don’t share anywhere else on the internet… Let’s begin!
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.