Throwing a Party? Don’t Put Trump in Charge

I’m just gonna say it: Trump is the worst party planner of all time.

Consider the disastrous Trump-branded “Great American State Fair” which has been panned as “crushingly dull.” Apparently, it “gives trade show.” Turns out, most people don’t enjoy a diorama depicting the history of the noble soybean or whatever. The Trump-branded “Fair” earned this salty synopsis from D.C. Councilwoman Christina Henderson: “No funnel cake, no bucket lemonade, no fried Snickers and one ride, the Ferris wheel.”

Madame Councilwoman, Ima take you to the beach with me ‘cause you throw more shade than my Shibumi.

She’s right, of course. And don’t even try to find a decent churro. ICE has deported all the abuelas who knew how to make that delectable fair staple.

Trump dismissed the long-time 250 planners, a group formed during the Obama years and therefore rife with antifa trans Communists and took over the planning himself, barking orders and creating a non-event rivaled only by his super depressing parade of creaky tanks rolling through whisper-quiet D.C. streets last year. My point is, if you want to have a great party, the last person you put in charge is Trump. Consider his just-released plans for the big Fourth of July fireworks in Washington this Saturday.