Dealing with Raw Grief as a Caregiver:

(Trigger Warning -This post talks about death and grief)

Baruch Dayan Haemet (Blessed is the true judge).

Kurt Hansen

1954-2026

I love you, honey.

I used a photo taken by Jonnie Cohen a friend of ours and I described the way I see Kurt now to ChatGPT to generate this image. It has helped me hold on to my happy thoughts of him and send him all my love and support as he transitions to the heavenly realms.

I’m writing this article for those of you who have not heard that my beloved husband Kurt passed away on July 25, 2026, and for those who are asking questions about what happened. Kurt had a massive hernia for a long time, and his stomach slipped into it. This was the cause of the emergency surgery he had to have last month. Some of you may be wondering why we didn’t have the surgery sooner. The answer is that it was too much of a cardiac risk after his strokes, so no one would agree to perform the surgery.

The irony of the whole situation was that Kurt had been losing weight so he could have the hernia surgery back in 2022, but in May of that year, he had 5 strokes, which prevented it. Then he lost weight again after we moved to Ecuador, which seems like a natural progression for everyone who moves here. This weight loss caused his hernia to worsen.

My husband was a Viking with his grandparents hailing from Denmark. He was supposed to be 6’5” (1.96 m) and was squeezed into a 6’ 2” (1.89m) frame due to scoliosis. Lots of people would make remarks about his weight, not realizing that a lot of it was his hernia (imagine wearing your intestines, large and small, outside your body). And more than anything in the material world, Kurt wanted to have his hernia repaired.

The emergency of not being able to eat or drink for over 10 days was what tipped the scales and precipitated the need for him to have the emergency surgery. The surgeons here in Cuenca, Ecuador are world-class, and the cardiac team agreed that it was the only thing we could do to try to save Kurt’s life. We all knew it was a risk, but Kurt, being who he was, was so strong that he survived the surgery even though he died twice on the table. He kept his sense of humor to the very end. He joked with me and then told me he loved me before the surgery. Kurt would never speak again after the surgery, even though he tried. But his eyes filled with love told me everything I needed to know.

Over three days post-surgery, I would visit him in the ICU. I would ask him if he had faith that he would be healed and if he wanted to live, and he always squeezed my hand very hard up until the very last night. However, as my dear cousin put it, Kurt’s earthly plans changed, and it was not meant to be that he would stay with us.

My beautiful, loving husband left his body in the middle of the night when the veil between this world and the next is thin. I have been so busy taking care of business that I haven’t been able to grieve yet, so this is raw and unedited. I’m dictating this as tears roll down my face.

I know that he is free of pain and suffering, and that he is one with the light and the love that he so exhibited on this earth, but I still miss him. I know it’s ok to be sad, and the waves of sadness are coming and going. Luckily, I am anchored in the fathomless ocean of the love of the Almighty. By grace, I am being held by you all, our Mother Earth, and the angels of light.

Now I begin my transition from being a daily caregiver to recovering from 4 ½ years of round-the-clock vigilance, lifting, and helping in any way that I could. I will continue to be a caregiver coach, helping others as they navigate their caregiving journeys.

I thank you for all your kindness, thoughts, prayers, love, and donations in Kurt’s memory to help me pay for his final expenses here in Ecuador. The outpouring of love from my family and friends all over the world has touched me deeply.

May we all find that love and light in our days and nights—it’s there just waiting to be taken. The Almighty is with us, and one day there will be no more weeping, only the bliss of being One with Love. All blessings and light to those of you still traveling this path of caregiving. I am here for you.

Have you navigated deep grief after a loved one died? What has been your experience? I’d be interested to hear from you. And remember…take care of yourself, you deserve it!

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