Icelandic Whale Sheep Shit Smoked Testicle Beer

Kristian Loftsson, Iceland’s deeply deranged serial killer of cetaceans is a deeply disturbed individual.

If you thought that wanking a dead whale’s penis while whalers sing the Icelandic national anthem or ripping a fetus from the belly of a dead mother was over the top weird, consider the latest bizarre fetish Loftsson and his band of ghoulish followers have concocted.

Loftsson is struggling to find a market for whale meat, even the Japanese refuse to buy from him. He has experimented with whale oil capsules for desperate humans seeking dubious supplements, but now he has outdone himself with what is likely his most deranged idea yet.

The Icelandic microbrewery Brugghús Steðja brews a beer called Hvalur 2, which was first created in 2015 for the Viking festival Þorrablót. Hvalur 2 is a 5.2% ABV smoked beer.

Dagbjartur Arilússon, the owner of the Steðji microbrewery, explains the brewing process as follows: “We source the frozen testicles from the whaling company Hvalur and have them chopped up by a butcher. The testicles are processed according to ancient Icelandic tradition; they are salted and then smoked over sheep dung. One whole testicle is used for each batch.”

Let me get this straight: chopped-up fin whale testicles are smoked over a fire fueled by sheep dung and then allowed to ferment in a fabricated traditional brew. This concoction is then sold to other disturbed individuals craving the taste of fermented dung-infused whale sperm. The aim seems to be to draw attention to the traditions of a nation that once ate rotten shark meat out of sheer desperation.

I’m sure some tourists are indulging. After all, there is a real market for peculiar holidays, from trolling for young sex adventures in Thailand to, well, this—drinking a beverage infused with the essence of mutilated whale genitalia.

AI graphic: How else to depict something so strange and weird.