He Left This Letter on Her Desk AT WORK 😬

Here’s the full letter:

Here’s how I’m going to write this article and why:

I’m going to respond pretty much line-by-line to this guy, hypothetically, of course, since I don’t know him. Here’s the benefit of doing this:

We’ve all been socialized to take men’s dissatisfaction and pain Very Seriously. Too seriously. I’m talking specifically about problematic men having problematic problems, obviously, not decent men experiencing true hardship.

Once you start reading these problematic men’s words the way we’re about to read them together in this article, it gets a lot easier to avoid being sucked into their nonsense and manipulation.

Over time, when you start reading this kind of communication through a critical lens, a feminist-rhetoric critical lens in this case, you’ll end up developing a snarkily-accurate dialogue style inside your head. You’ll stop second-guessing yourself, stop enabling men’s manipulation and gaslighting, see clearly through the games, and probably crack yourself up.

Humor is empowering; let’s laugh together. Here we go . . .

Interesting choice. Perhaps the fact that she won’t communicate with you should have suggested that she doesn’t want to communicate with you.

This is the equivalent of “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME, I QUIT!” It’s kind of hilarious. She’s literally TOLD him to stop trying, and now he’s using that as a threat? Exactly what he already knows she wants him to do?

I am continually shocked at this faulty assumption on the part of men; it’s pervasive and ubiquitous. Here’s how it manifests (I guess; it’s still baffling to me, but it must manifest like this inside their heads):

He does something bad. She cuts him off. He assumes that her primary concern is HOW HE FEELS ABOUT HER. This sounds bananas, but I’ve read this particular rhetorical move from more men than I can count (including some I’ve received personally).

Think about what this reveals: This reveals a very deep-level belief that women’s PRIMARY concern, regardless of what’s happened, is how men feel about us. I have read “the day after” apology letters from abusive men who “apologize” by reassuring their victims that they still love them even though they hurt them. They believe, I guess, that this counts as reparation: “I know I hurt you, but I still love you and I’m still into you, so that makes things okay for you.” It’s insane.

It’s the “I guess” that’s the operative phrase here. It changes the whole translation.

It’s not this: “I cannot apologize enough because my words and actions were so egregious that an apology is insufficient.

It’s this: “I cannot apologize enough, apparently, because you are being super difficult and refusing to behave as though none of this ever happened.”

He’s just doubling down on the “Clearly everything is okay because I love you and my internal feelings and desires trump all other elements of concrete reality” effect that I described above.

Is this a threat? It sure sounds like a threat. Are you threatening her with exactly what she wants, which is to be left alone by you? Or something worse. Also, it already IS too late. It’s too late for you, Dude.

Unfortunate for whom?

Excellent. Be on your way, then, to wherever.

Redundant. This is an unwelcome letter, not an airport; you don’t have to announce your departure. Just quit writing.

Also, that comma was unnecessary.

END OF ANALYSIS. Have any of you received letters of this genre? Please share.