My Last Marathon Ever
I’ve been unsuccessfully meditating since 10th grade. Anyone can do something they have natural talent for. It takes a rare person to stick with something that they have almost no talent for for half a century. I have that rare talent.
Recently I’ve been using the Waking Up app by Sam Harris. Waking up is different from every other meditation app and approach I’ve worked with because it focuses on the nonduality of meditation. In most meditation you see yourself as the person meditating observing your mind. Two separate things. You… your mind. Nonduality means there is no separation. “You” are as much a construction of your mind as anything else that your mind creates. It’s a heavy concept but that’s not the focus of this blogpost. I’ll write more about nondualism another time, I hope.
Today, Sam Harris, the creator of Waking Up, talked about The Last Time. Harris explains that there is always a last time for everything. When you die, it’s the last time for you for everything. But there have been many last times prior to that. Some you were aware of and others you weren’t.
The last time you camp in the woods on the ground.
The last time you pick up your child.
The last time you fly in an airplane.
Many of these last times are good times but even some of the “bad” experiences carry their own sense of poignancy and nostalgia.
Being mindful, fully present in your life, allows you to be aware of your experience rather than being distracted and this awareness increases the appreciation of the unique experiences you have, the goodness of the good times and perhaps it even eases the suffering of some of the bad times.
I began to think of many of my own “last times”
Last graduation from school for me.
Last patient seen.
Last dog.
Last (and only) marriage.
Last ride on a motorcycle.
Last time I hitchhiked.
Last time I bounced a check.
Last time I got punched in the face.
Last time I saw my grandmother, father, cousin.
Running a marathon.
Enjoying staying up all night and watching the sunrise.
Sleeping through the night.
Riding a roller coaster.
Reaching my ideal weight again.
Finding a silver dime or quarter in change again.
Visit with my friends from college.
See my childhood home once more.
Visit my sister.
See the birth of my second grandchild.
Make a new friend.
Drive a motorcycle
Ride a bicycle through Italy and France
Run the Boston Marathon
I used to post on Facebook every time I entered a race that it was my last race and I was “hanging them up” after this one. Everyone was in on the joke and it was pretty funny in my early 50’s. But sometime in my early 60’s people started taking it seriously. It seemed reasonable. Eventually I had to stop posting it.
I didn’t realize at the time but there was a last time that I made a joke about it being the last time.
I was being meta on Meta.
What do I take from this? I can’t bear the existential burden of thinking of every single thing as possibly being the last version of it. The last blog. The last sandwich. The last breath, and again, and again. But I can selectively apply this.
Since I listened to Sam Harris talk about the last time I’ve had Memento Mori on my mind a lot. And it has helped me to appreciate a variety of things great and small more and even to tolerate some of life’s small burdens with a greater sense of gratitude.
Maybe you will too.
Are there things on your list of lasts you want to share? Put them in the comments.
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