Misfits, Mavericks, and the Search for Belonging

After watching Harrison Ford’s heartfelt speech, when accepting the SAG-AFTRA Life Achievement Award, I revisited the part where he described feeling isolated and alone in college, before finding his people:

“...and then, I found a company of people putting on plays, storytellers – people I once thought were misfits and geeks turned out to be…my people.” – Harrison Ford

I certainly resonated with the feeling of isolation – a sentiment still present after leaving Hollywood months ago. But it was the second part about finding “my people’’ that got me thinking…I just experienced the opposite!

Belonging has always been something I’ve sought after. It’s common to want it, to feel it.

During my tenure, I observed what some were willing to give up to find it, whether that was their time, their values, or their sense of self. Being seen or accepted isn’t easy to come by in this industry, and when you’re inside this machine, those human desires have a way of overriding everything else. I was no exception.

Searching For ‘My People’

I can trace this pursuit for belonging back to grade school…I moved between groups without being defined by any of them. Always marching to the beat of my own drum, I was friendly with everyone. Even when a version of belonging did show up, something from within pulled me away, I often opted for the independent, lonelier route.

When senior year arrived, it was the end of an era. My sense of humor had gotten me through it all – moments of feeling seen, acknowledged, that often dissipated into nothing lasting. I was hoping that college would bring about some answers. Also, it was an opportunity to hit the reset button and approach social matters differently.

Spoiler alert! I was the same person. Struggling to find a sense of community, I joined a fraternity before the end of freshman year. I met some great friends…to this day! A sense of camaraderie was felt in exchange for handing over some independence in order to be a part of something bigger than myself.

Within the next six months, the sub-groups within the fraternity were clear. I was well-liked, but never quite fitting into any one of them. Sounds familiar…

Oddly enough, the fraternity was disbanded shortly thereafter. I was back to being a GDI (God Damn Independent) – a slang term used to describe someone who is not part of Greek life.

My sense of belonging fell short, but I did leave with the validation that I had the ability to belong.

New Beginnings?

I arrived in Hollywood surrounded by people with similar hustle, hunger, and passion for the arts. My kind of people!

The dynamics weren’t unfamiliar to what I had experienced in college. Talent agencies reminded me of fraternities while studios were like sororities. Both determined relevancy. People rushed them to earn recognition or at the very least get an acknowledgement to be let into the party.

But I had made it in! I belonged! I had the brand name, the logo, and the email to prove it. And I was committed to working my way up.

Being part of it meant giving everything to it. The scripts to read, the shows to attend, the relationships to nurture, the artists to sign…not to mention the nights and weekends forfeited to accomplish it all. It left little time for your health, well-being, and relationships outside the business. Whatever energy remained was spent plotting your next move until it truly felt like it was the only thing that defined you.

Over time, the person you were before any of it took a back seat.

At some point, I had to keep reminding myself, like a dog shocked by an electric collar, that the services I provided to my clients and colleagues determined my worth. It was an underlying consensus. Once certain benchmarks were achieved, one could climb even higher, make more money, and fit in with the top dogs.

Belonging was just another rung on the ladder. It was now conditional. It became apparent that the machine did not understand belonging, it could only comprehend utility.

By rising the ranks, it’s easy to distort yourself, sometimes unknowingly, to get there. That distortion was justified by access and money — the idea that once you reach the next target, you’d finally have the power to do it your own way.

What they don’t tell you is…it’s a moving target.

Wait, I’ve Been Here Before…

This was belonging in its most competitive form! Unlike high school, there wasn’t a defined ending.

The ones most consumed with fitting in, were the most willing to disappear to get it. Prioritizing the job over well-being, again and again. At some point, the person doing the job became secondary...as long as it got done.

I came to the realization that I had been telling myself the same story this whole time!

I was searching and sacrificing and working really hard to be a part of something. I wound up giving the system power over my sense of worth in order to fit in. But in the back of my mind, I still had the same hunch to pull back…which got me to here.

I now recognize that belonging is a state of mind.

The question wasn’t: where do I belong?

The real question is: how do I show up…as myself AND contribute in my own way?

Showing Up

I am showing up as a misfit. I’m not referring to a misfit the way Ford described: a “geek” or an oddball. Nor am I referring to someone who couldn’t adapt. I’m a misfit who will no longer distort myself to belong.

A misfit who will no longer submit to a system designed to exacerbate the wounds we carried before arriving. No longer will I endorse a machine that diminishes individuality while charging chronic stress, anxiety, and the feeling of never enough as the price of admission.

And for my current contribution? A mirror. One held up for those sacrificing themselves inside a system that was never built to give back what it takes. To show that there’s another way to do this…a way that doesn’t cost you yourself.

For those with a private voice that doesn’t match what they perform publicly, I see you.

For the ones whose genuine intentions rarely see the light of day yielding to the status quo and bottom line, I see you.

I’m not encouraging you to leave, but to be aware.

Be aware of the complacency. Be aware of the moments when your true self goes quiet to keep the peace. The choice to not disrupt the program that is currently running. This awareness of repression spans well beyond the realm of just Hollywood.

The longer you stay dormant, the more that becomes your baseline. One day you may realize you’ve fallen in line so completely that you can’t remember who you were.

I lived it longer than I should, but I chose to leave before it put me in the ground.

It’s time to question the script you were handed and take inventory of what’s important to you. If that still involves Hollywood – to build something rooted in your own voice, your own community, and your own measure of worth.

Only In The Leap From The Lion’s Head Will He Prove His Worth

Turns out I have been a misfit from the start, but misfits transform into mavericks once conviction arrives.

And like the maverick, Indiana Jones, who took a leap of faith before the path revealed itself, he believed.

I’ve now taken mine. I believe.

I am grateful for what all these institutions gave to me. The skills I learned and carry to this day. The people who inspired and believed in me, The opportunities that few get to experience. They shaped my values, my point of view, and the person showing up in this newly defined era.

I’m one step closer to the Grail, but I won’t be able to do it alone.