Judging the Thing I’ve Wanted Most

The phrase ‘being seen’ makes me roll my eyes. It feels like the phrase of 2026.

Sure, being seen is a human desire. It means something different to everyone. There seems to be this overarching, collective desire to reclaim one’s power right now. For those who have been overlooked, sidelined, or given it away entirely – it’s relatable. So why does it bother me?

My conclusion is judgement and the layers beneath it.

Judgement has always been one of my first reflexes. Judgement of others. My own self-judgements. External judgments were justified because I felt that I knew better. It was reflective of my taste, and taste isn’t something you can necessarily teach.

In my opinion, becoming a tastemaker in Hollywood is the highest credential. A tastemaker is someone with a strong point of view. Someone who surrounds themselves with the right people and commits to the right projects. Once a track record is built, there’s an undeniable swagger that comes with it.

Taste is powerful, especially in today’s world filled with endless possibilities. It refines like a filter. It distinguishes point of view. I pride myself on it. But for me, taste also became a way to rebrand judgements.

It enabled me to label and make assumptions about others. The rebranded judgments were often rooted in comparison. Pinning things against each other until one reigned supreme. An arbitrary ranking system in my mind with a clear winner and loser all while I remained safe on the judge’s bench.

Hollywood is a fertile ground for comparison to grow wild…almost as wild as imagination. The combination of the two can create an invasive species overtaking one’s humility.

Unwritten Rules of the Job

The archetype of a talent representative is someone who exists behind the scenes. The job is to make others be seen. Pulling the strings to make the client as visible as possible. There’s a lot of strategy that goes into it, and it can be a thankless job.

Most representatives choose the job because they don’t want to be in the spotlight; however, that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want to be seen. In fact, most do want to be seen. They want to be seen as important. They want to be seen for their success through involvement (taste). So how do they compensate?

Some find material means like the expensive watch, the sports car, or the tailored wardrobe. Others are more subtle (materially), and let their ego balloon (not so subtle) where behavioral issues become so apparent that self awareness goes out the window. And there are some who act like they are the talent – It makes them a prime target for judgments rarely said to their face…just behind closed doors like the culture encourages

All versions act as a mask to hide behind the underlying craving to be seen.

It’s difficult to stay true to who you are when a professional identity is built around disappearing so someone else can shine. Most reps find a version of belonging in the work itself (the access, the proximity, the projects, etc.), but none of it belongs to them…except for the Rolex.

My Pride and Joy

I grew up in an affluent area on Long Island. High standards were instilled at a young age. I was bougie…well before Hollywood. Material items held importance in my family and at times could be intertwined with our values. Let’s fast forward…

It was January 2020, and I was building up momentum at work. I was anticipating a promotion to a junior agent and wanted to bet on myself. I’ve been a car guy my whole life and decided to go above my means to lease an Audi S3: red interior, high-performance sound. It was subtle, but flashy. It was a statement.

The car was a confirmation of my ‘values’ as well as how I wanted to be seen. It reflected my taste. It aligned with the image I was building. It was intertwined with my self-worth. Ironically, the car was stored in my garage for the next year during lockdown.

I sold the S3 not long after leaving the business. With lifestyle changes, I didn’t need it anymore. It served its purpose. I loved that car. Still do, and I’d do it all over again.

My ACTUAL Pride and Joy (The One Who Sees Me)

My wife, Alexa, saw me before I understood any of this.

Not the agent. Not the car. Not what I’ve done or who I know…she saw me as Branden.

As someone conditioned to earn visibility, being seen unconditionally, felt foreign. It felt safe to be seen. It wasn’t contingent on anything. It exposed the wiring the machine had embedded within me. Even now, with full awareness, I can still short-circuit from being witnessed by her.

Not long after I met her, I decided what truly mattered. Love. I bet on love. I bet on someone who saw right through the mask I was wearing.

I led with my heart then, and will continue to do so now. Thank you for seeing me, Alexa.

Repositioning the Mirror

I have been noticing that my actions, my relationships, and everything in between has been a mirror. The judgements I cast are really just a projection of my own discomfort around being seen. I had been holding the mirror the wrong way letting the role I played shield me from the person underneath.

Stripping away the ‘success’ forced me to acknowledge who I actually was underneath it. And what I found was someone worth investing in. Someone who had been trying to express himself through a role that was never really his. So I’ve made a conscious choice, this time, to be seen. Not through a company, roster, or sports car…through this. My writing. Making videos. Showing up as myself.

Lately, my intake of the business has now been primarily online. When I see someone posting a win, usually celebrating or flexing, it goes beyond just being seen. It’s validation disguised as a celebration with fire emojis and rocket ships reinforcing it. My first reflex is no longer judgment but envy…which is just another projection. Not because they didn’t earn it. Good on them. It’s that they make it look so easy. Unapologetic. What I’m actually envying is a version of myself I’ve been hesitant to fully step into…until now.

Judgment was never really about them. It was always about me…like a mirror. And now that I’ve confessed that I too want to be seen, the question is how will I choose to use the spotlight?

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PS: when scrolling through my old photos, I found the first photos of my Audi…lodged between an X-Ray prescription and X-Rays of my clavicle. Here’s proof!