Since “officially” leaving my job in March of 2024 (not counting the six months of maternity leave right before that), I’ve had a lot of conversations with parents - moms and dads - who are curious how the adjustment has been. Moving from full-time corporate work to home life, with a side of consulting, isn’t exactly the easiest transition.
At first, the questions are usually pretty light, logistical things related to the few hours of consulting I do a week:
How did you set up your LLC?
What did you learn about taxes?
How do you find clients?
How do you bill?
How do you scope projects?
And those things matter - of course they do. They’re the tactical nuts and bolts of starting your own business.
But where the conversations get real—and where I think the actual hesitation lies for a lot of people—is when we finally start to talk about the emotional side of this shift.
And if I had to simplify it, the number one question I get (asked in a dozen different ways) that embodies this fear is:
“Do you actually find being home with the kids fulfilling?”
So today, I want to unpack that.
Fulfillment and the Mental Load
Dealing with the never-ending “mental load” is probably the most common complaint I hear from parents - especially women, and is often the biggest hesitation I think many people have for making their day be more full of it. Switching from a career where these things are done in between meetings or after work (or outsourced) - to a life in which this IS your job alongside caring for kids during the day.
The mental load is the endless list: camps, lunches, RSVPs, laundry, shoe sizes, birthday parties, toy clean-outs. And while some of it can be somewhat satisfying (the euphoria of finally clearing out the playroom), does it feel fulfilling in the way a high-paying job does - using your education, your skills, your drive, your personality, and getting paid for it? Well, probably not.
When I worked in corporate wellbeing, my last role was as close to a dream job as it gets. I had spent 7 years earning undergrad and master level degrees in organizational psychology, I loved public speaking and working with people, I was deeply passionate about wellbeing, and yes, I was compensated well for it. That combination was my professional identity, my dream career.
So the whiplash of going from that delaying my walk (my ONE me thing of the day) to spend 45 minutes allowing my 2 year old to test the sound of a stick on 827,202 different rocks is… wild.
Being at home more, my patience has been tested beyond what I thought humanly possible. I often put a load of laundry in at 9 a.m. and sometimes don’t remember it until 6 p.m. - even when it’s the only “household task” I had to get done that day. I often spend a lot of the day dealing with meltdowns, apologizing for picking out the wrong shoes, and trying to explain why monkeys like bananas so much. And like many of my mom friends who also left corporate jobs they were great at, there are days I feel like I’m honestly failing at this job of staying home - because if you’re good at something, doing it should feel good, right?
But here’s what I’ve come to believe: it’s not just about being good at it. The real reason many of us step back isn’t because we know we’ll crush the stay-at-home life—it’s because we needed this. Our partners needed this. Our kids needed this. Or rather, they needed us. YOU. And in doing it, we’re planting seeds of fulfillment everywhere:
in calmer bedtimes because there isn’t email waiting afterward,
in being the one who picks up from school,
in knowing the teachers and friends better,
in letting laundry wait because you were too busy having fun on an adventure.
But Behold the Key - The Break That Holds it Together
With all this said, there is one thing I really emphasis to being the key to surviving the shift: finding periods of time in which you get a break. Having support.
For me, that looks like two days a week (Monday and Wednesday) of childcare - 14-16 hours to consult, to feel what it’s like to “work from home” again, to run errands, to go to the gym, work on house projects, meet up with a friend, or just to breathe. It has eased the shift from a big paycheck to a small consulting paycheck, and it’s kept one foot planted in my professional identity.
For others I know, it looks different - depending your financial circumstances and community. I see Moms/Dad’s that have 10 hours of help a week, a regular babysitter they can call, who make creative use of their gym’s childcare, create a plan with a partner to free up some hours, or help from grandparents and neighbors. Meeting other stay at home / partial stay at home parents who you can also do “kid swaps” (one watches your kids while you run errands, and you return the favor) are great too. Whatever form it takes, it really helps.
And - I will forever die on this hill - if you can find a way to keep a small piece of your professional self alive (if you liked that profession) - PLEASE do it. Even if it’s not perfectly comparable to your old job. Maybe it’s organizing events at school, helping a friend with their new business, writing publicly, or consulting in small bursts. Anything that keeps those muscles warm. It will make your transition should you choose to go back SO much easier.
Letting Go of the 5-Year Vision
The last thing I’ll say is that - you have to let go of the bigger vision if you choose to do this. For the first time in my adult life, I don’t have a 1-, 3-, or 5-year plan. And truly it’s because I don’t think I can. Kids just don’t work on those timelines.
Looking back at years 0–4 of my sons’ lives, there is no way I could have mapped what those seasons would actually look like. The sleepless nights. The developmental leaps. The curveballs that tested not only their patience but mine. The decisions around care, school, activities, friendships - all of it shifted faster than any career planning cycle ever could. And more importantly, it wasn’t a project disruption I was dealing with - it was my KID. It’s different. Even with all the parenting books and all the advice, I couldn’t have predicted the exact needs of each stage, or how much they would stretch me emotionally.
So how could I possibly predict years 5–9? Or 10–15? And now with two boys. I can’t. And the truth is, trying to force a rigid long-term plan only leaves me feeling like I’m falling short.
So - instead, I’m learning to live in shorter timelines. To take things day by day, season by season. To check in with myself and ask: What matters most right now? What do my kids need from me? What do I need from myself? Where do I want to keep a foot in my professional identity, and where can I let go for now?
And maybe that’s where I’ll leave this with you - because I’d actually love to hear your answers - in comments or privately.
What scares you most about this transition you may be toying with?
Beyond financials, what fears do you have?
What do you want to know from someone a little further down the path?
What do you hope stays the same in your identity, and what do you secretly hope changes?
If you’re already in the middle of this transition—how are you really feeling about it?
What can I, or this community, help answer?
Because the truth is, this isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. It’s very messy. It’s super personal. It’s vulnerable. And sometimes the best thing we can do for each other is just ask the questions out loud.
Bring the The Messy Middle to Life
Something many of my part-time or stay-at-home friends and I feel is missing - even here in San Francisco - is more community for people in the in-between. Not just career groups. Not just playgroups. But spaces for people blending career and caregiving, who don’t fit neatly in either box.
So here are a few opportunities from my network that speak to that “middle”:
Demystifying Full-Time to Part-Time (Oct 2) – A conversation with Brooke Evans, who left a VP Finance role for part-time work in health tech.
Launch & Scale Your Fractional Business – A #SFTechWeek panel on building and scaling a consulting or freelance business.
Expectant & New Moms Cohort – A small-group coaching program for ambitious women in the first 18 months postpartum.
Check them out! Or if you know of any others, please share so I can pass along!
So if you’ve ever wondered whether stepping back will feel fulfilling - just know that it might not look like it used to. But there are seeds being planted everywhere. And those seeds really, really matter in growing and nurturing your family in the way you want.
Til next week,
Kaleana
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