After my husband and I got married in 2018, our text thread quickly turned into a puppy thread. We had puppy fever, for sure. We were set on getting a miniature dachshund — an adorable little fur sausage to add to our family. A “test” child, as everyone calls it.
And we didn’t waste any time. Hoagie, our tiny dachshund, joined the family a few months after our wedding day on Easter. We were in love — and we were finally “puppy parents.”
Everyone always talks about dogs as excellent practice for babies. And they were right, in many ways — but not for the reasons people prepared me for.
People told me a puppy would be two things: a lot of work, and a lot of responsibility. And in general, I think we look at caregiving the same way: a very oversimplified explanation to others that it is nothing more than just work and responsibility.
The problem is, when you “warn” an adult something will just be more work and responsibility, it underscores the hardship. Most of us have been given more work and responsibility our whole lives — and we tackle that by putting in more hours, trying harder, following the rules.
My largest problem in parenthood (puppy and children) has proven to be that I believed “that” mentality. That if I just worked harder, followed the manual, stayed disciplined, everything would fall into place.
So, in preparation for my journey into puppy motherhood, I negotiated 3 days of working from home (back in full-time office life), and got to “training.”
But only one day in, it was clear we were in over our heads.
Hoagie wasn’t responding to our schedules or our best-laid plans — because he was a baby. And babies, whether furry or human, don’t bend neatly to calendars, policies, or productivity hacks. That was the crack in the illusion for me: realizing that caregiving doesn’t fit inside the same “grind harder” formula we’ve been sold in every other part of life.
And that realization became the foundation for how I see parenting today: not as something you can muscle through by working more, but as something that demands a different system altogether. A system that includes flexibility, support, and room for imperfection.
Working remote was the best thing that could have ever happened to me while I was pregnant a year later. It gave me rest, the ability to take care of myself, the ability to be close to my husband without extra stress. I could walk the dog, schedule appointments without panic, save money on commutes and eating out. Remote work even eased the stress of planning childcare — I was looking at nannies with 8–3 schedules, not 6–6. I didn’t have to lug pump parts across town. And most importantly, my babies — furry and human — could be close when I needed them to be.
In the first couple years (and beyond), I’ve learned how critical all this is.
One thing I’ve loved about sharing my story is how many others share theirs too. Storytelling is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give another parent — it makes someone else feel seen.
But I also know that right now, many of us are carrying a lot. The headlines feel relentless. The return-to-office pressure feels endless. And the quiet, gnawing fear about our children’s safety can be paralyzing.
It’s easy to feel like nothing we do will matter against systems this big.
That’s why I want to remind you: Both& isn’t just a place for stories. It’s a place for advocacy. For turning helplessness into something we can do. Stories show us we’re not alone — advocacy changes the conditions we’re living under.
Here’s what I’ll keep advocating for — and where you can too:
Flexibility in the workplace
Leave policies that reflect all caregiving situations
Education and fairer healthcare options
Storytelling that shifts “must be nice” to “join us, it is nice”
Practical guidance, especially for families in tough financial spots
So let’s make this a community effort:
1. Stories I’d Love to Feature (October batch!)
Every time I share my own story, I’m reminded how powerful it is to hear others echo back “me too.” This October, I’m pulling together another round of Both& stories — and I’d love to feature yours.
I’m especially looking for:
Parents who fought for flexibility and won — maybe you negotiated a 4-day week, pushed back on return-to-office, or got your team to try job-sharing.
Families who created new caregiving setups — from leaning on grandparents, to trading childcare with neighbors, to building a nanny-share or other creative arrangements that worked.
People who felt “in over their heads” but found pivots that helped — whether it was shifting schedules, changing roles, or simply asking for help in a way you never had before.
Companies with surprising or creative benefits — the small but mighty policies or perks that actually made life more manageable for caregivers.
Share your story here: Both& Story Form or just hit reply to this email.
2. Leading Change at Your Organization
Change doesn’t only happen from the top down — so much of it starts with employees speaking up. If you’re wondering how to begin, here are a few concrete ways:
Read the fine print: Review your employee handbook for how caregiving is addressed. Are there clear policies for maternity, paternity, or other forms of leave? If not, that’s a gap worth surfacing.
Push on part-time roles: If your company hires contractors part-time but offers no part-time employee options, that’s a missed opportunity. Meet with a contractor to understand their setup — it could spark ideas for internal roles.
Build community data: If no formal ERG exists, start small — even a Slack channel for parents can be a powerful way to gather experiences. Ten stories about parental leave carry a kind of truth that raw numbers can’t. Data gets attention; testimonials pierce the heart.
Frame it as retention: Remind leadership that flexibility, leave, and caregiver benefits aren’t just “nice-to-haves” — they’re key reasons people choose to stay.
Even small steps can add up. Policy shifts often begin with one person asking the right question.
I know times are hard. It can feel impossible to even function when you zoom out and take in the world.
So practice alternating between zooming out and zooming in. Zoom out so you know the threats we’re all up against. Zoom in so you see your bubble: your partner, your kids, your puppy, your family.
And most importantly, remember this: parenting isn’t a problem to grind your way through. This is an invitation to reimagine the system.
Because the point of all this isn’t to just survive more work and responsibility.
It’s to enjoy life in the small moments — and to build a better one in the big picture.
Until next week,
Kaleana
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