My Love–Hate Relationship with Social Media

Truth be told, I want to share with you that I have a love–hate relationship with social media.

There are times I just don’t feel like sharing–especially on video. And I really don’t like putting things out there that aren’t authentic.

There are days when the idea of being metaphorically buck naked online—sharing a reflection, a hard-earned truth, or even a post that offers something of value—feels like too much. Especially on the days when I don’t feel inspired myself. How could I possibly inspire someone else when I’m feeling uninspired?

And yet….

Here’s how I think about social media overall: if you’re in the business of being an author, it’s extremely useful. Not because you need to perform or put on an act. But you absolutely need to build a relationship with your readers. They want to know who you are behind the pages you write.

My late husband really enjoyed the anonymity of being an author until he had his own PBS special and found his face peering over the magazine holders on Southwest Airlines. I know he would have had more of a hate-hate relationship with social media because despite being a highly publicized author, he was a very private person.

But that’s not the age or reality we live in now, is it?

Let’s be real, we know that books are built on connection. And connection requires visibility. It also requires vulnerability. And, truth-telling with sharing everything from what you eat and how long you sleep, to most importantly, what you would scream from a mountain top to the entire world.

What I love most about sharing socially is the instant feedback you can receive. Sometimes it’s warm and affirming. Sometimes it’s quiet. Sometimes it says, “Oh gee… guess that didn’t land.” And oddly enough, I love that too. It teaches me. It refines me. It reminds me that writing is a living conversation with one other person.

I also love the way social media has helped me build community and stay in touch.

I’ve connected with women who later came on retreat and became lifelong friends. I’ve stayed connected to those who’ve written beside me, cried beside me, and grown beside me. It’s allowed me to nurture a community that is mutually nourishing and deeply supportive.

And some of my dearest friendships began online.

I met Karen Salmansohn @thestandupphilosopher years ago through Facebook. We admired each other’s work and had many phone conversations from afar before ever meeting in person—at least five years later—in New York. Today, I call her one of the most creative geniuses I know. Smart as a whip. Generous. Real. That friendship began with a comment and a connection.

So yes—there are days when I resist. Days I decide not to show up.

Moments when I don’t feel lit up or polished or profound.

But I’ve learned to love the good parts of social media:
The conversation.
The community.
The creative exchange.
The unexpected friendships.
The chance to serve the readers who may one day hold my book in their hands.

If you’re an aspiring or emerging author, this is part of the path now.

Not performing.

Not pretending.

But showing up in a way that feels true to you as you are the steward of your message.

And when you don’t feel inspired? That’s okay too. You’re allowed to be human. Sometimes your most resonant posts are the ones where you admit that you’re figuring it out in real time. You show people how you’re feeling.

I’m curious…

How do you feel about social media as a writer?

Do you resist it? Love it? Tolerate it?
What feels hardest for you—consistency, vulnerability, strategy, or something else?

Leave a comment below. We read every one.

If you’d like to support our writing and receive some special tools from us, you can upgrade to a paid subscription below and join us inside the circle.

Because building a book isn’t just about writing.
It’s about being in a relationship with your readers, your message, and yourself.

And that, like all meaningful things, takes courage.

On the writing path with you,

—Kristine