Dearest Vile Beasts and The Woman,
THE HOUSEHOLD HELP DESK IS NOW CLOSED
It opened at 6:03 this morning.
By 6:07, the following complaints had been filed:
• Daisy’s breakfast was four minutes late.
• Cooper’s breakfast was insufficient, despite being gone.
• Miss Frankie encountered a closed door.
• Cooper’s walk did not include enough stinky smells.
• The woman sat down without first consulting management.
I reviewed each grievance through HaloNet. Daisy requested immediate corrective action. Cooper requested another breakfast. Miss Frankie declined to put her complaint in writing because she considers paperwork beneath her. The woman requested coffee. Her request was denied due to staffing shortages caused by her being the entire staff.
The Help Desk will reopen tomorrow at Bob O’clock, which is whenever I decide everyone has suffered enough.
Until then, the vile beasts are encouraged to resolve their own problems.
This policy has already failed…obviously
Very truly yours,
Bob
Director of Heavenly Customer Service
Your complaint is important to someone else
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