A Trip to Kansas Is a Trip in Hail

It wouldn’t be a meaningful trip to my hometown, McPherson, Kansas, without sheltering in the basement from a severe weather event.

On May 18, my friend and I were facing the threat of hail, high winds, rain and possibly tornadoes. So we secured the patio furniture and made sure the potted plants—I’d say roughly a million—were well protected. Then we headed underground to stream “Remarkably Bright Creatures” as a Particularly Dangerous Situation, a National Weather Service designation, unfolded overhead. Note to my friend: As the host, you’re responsible for providing snacks. You did not, but I was too polite to complain.

Anyway, while Sally Field charmed the talking octopus on the 7-foot, hi-def TV screen, I wondered if my rental car, which was parked on the street, was covered for hail damage. My friend, who had just replaced the home’s roof and HVAC unit, agonized whether hail damage would force a super-$$$ do-over.

It’s funny that we both feared the horrors of hail more than the terror of tornados.

But here’s a fun fact. While Kansas is famous for “The Wizard of Oz,” the state is no longer located in the heart of what’s called tornado alley.

Because of shifting weather patterns, that designation belongs to a handful of states to the east. That’s a brutal move, because much of this area also suffers the effects of hurricanes that are increasingly coming up the Gulf of Mexico. So on behalf of Kansas, I’m sorry.

But just because tornado alley has shifted east doesn’t let Kansas off the hook. According to the National Weather Service, Kansas now sits smack dab in the middle of Hail Alley.

And the May 18 storm made me realize that we’re pretty helpless when it comes to hail-proofing our worldly goods, especially those exposed to the elements.

Major websites offering “pro tips” on staying safe and safeguarding our stuff aren’t terribly helpful, either. Take these nuggets of advice:

• Pay attention to weather forecasts and live updates

• Hail can cause significant damage to your car if parked outside. If you have a garage or carport, consider parking your car under cover.

• Keep yourself and your family safe by staying inside and away from windows.

Like, I need to be told this?

As it turns out, both the movie and the storm finished around the same time. Were they both happy endings? It was too dark to really inspect the property (or my car) for storm damage. But the tornado sirens never sounded, the power was still on, and emergency rescue teams weren’t canoeing down the street to retrieve people from their roofs. All good signs.

The next morning, everything looked intact upon inspection. Still, hard work remained: hauling the potted plants back to their patio home.

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BONUS CONTENT:
Occasionally, the editors at the New York Times like to demonstrate their admiration for me by embedding references to hardware in their various games. I am flattered, truly. A couple of weeks ago, however, someone got a little carried away with this one, actually putting my husband’s name in Wordle!

In the audacious words of Sally Field in her 1985 Oscars acceptance speech, “I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!”