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Bert’s Substack · Aug 23, 2023

Bust House

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Bert Chintez · Bert’s Substack

**Title: "Love in Rotation"**

**Setting: A stylish New York City apartment shared by Adam and Nick, filled with quirky and eclectic decor.**

### Scene 1: The Living Room

**ADAM**: (Reading a magazine) Nick, have you seen this article about polyamorous relationships? It says communication is key.

**NICK**: (Cooking in the kitchen) Communication? In this house? That's a laugh!

**ADAM**: Well, maybe we should have a house meeting with our... (air quotes) "rotating cast."

**NICK**: (Sarcastically) Oh, a house meeting? What are we, a sitcom family now?

**ADAM**: (Grinning) Exactly!

### Scene 2: The House Meeting

**ADAM**: (Addressing the room) Alright, everyone, gather 'round. We've got some ground rules to discuss.

**NICK**: Rule number one: No stealing my hair gel.

**LOVER #1**: (Playfully) But it makes my hair so shiny!

**LOVER #2**: (Teasing) And it tastes great on toast!

**ADAM**: (Rolling eyes) Serious rules, please!

**NICK**: Okay, okay. Rule number two: No more than three lovers in the shower at once. The plumbing can't handle it.

**LOVER #3**: (Pouting) But that's where all the fun happens!

### Scene 3: The Unexpected Visitor

**DOORBELL RINGS**

**ADAM**: (Opening the door) Dad?!

**MAX**: (Rolling in on rollerblades) Adam, my boy! Thought I'd drop in and show you my new moves!

**ADAM**: (Facepalming) Dad, not the rollerblades again!

### Scene 4: The Dinner Party

**MAX**: (At the dinner table, still on rollerblades) So, Nick, how do you all know each other?

**NICK**: (Nervously) We're, uh, roommates. And business partners. And... yoga enthusiasts?

**LOVER #1**: (Chiming in) Don't forget the book club!

**MAX**: (Suspicious) Quite the close-knit group, aren't you?

**ADAM**: (Deflecting) Dad, try the lasagna. Nick made it from scratch!

### Scene 5: The Rollerblade Mishap

**MAX**: (Later, attempting a trick) Watch this, everyone!

**ADAM**: (Panicking) Dad, be careful!

**MAX**: (Falling) Whoops!

**EVERYONE**: (Rushing to help) Are you okay, Max?

**MAX**: (Smiling) Never better!

### Scene 6: The Group Hug

**ADAM**: (Addressing everyone) We're a family here, and we need to communicate.

**NICK**: (Softly) And no more stealing my hair gel.

**MAX**: (Chiming in) And no more rollerblade tricks indoors!

**EVERYONE**: (Laughing) Deal!

**FADE TO BLACK. END OF EPISODE.**

---

**Title: "A Puff of Reality"**

**Setting: The same stylish New York City apartment shared by Adam and Nick.**

### Scene 1: The Living Room

**ADAM**: (Sneaking a puff of a marijuana cigarette, thinking he's alone)

**MAX**: (Entering on rollerblades, shocked) Adam! What are you doing?!

**ADAM**: (Startled) Dad! I didn't hear you roll in!

**MAX**: (Sternly) That's not the point, son. What's that you're smoking?

**ADAM**: (Defensively) It's just a joint, Dad. It's not a big deal.

### Scene 2: The Heart-to-Heart

**MAX**: (Sitting down, serious) Adam, I need to talk to you about where that stuff can lead.

**ADAM**: (Rolling eyes) Here we go...

**MAX**: (Softly) No, listen. I've seen friends go down a path of destruction because of drugs. I don't want that for you.

**ADAM**: (Softening) I know, Dad. But it's just a little weed.

**MAX**: (Firmly) It starts as "just a little," but it can become something more.

### Scene 3: The Flashback

**MAX**: (Narrating) Let me tell you about a friend of mine from the '70s. He started with a little weed, then moved on to harder stuff. He lost his job, his family, everything.

**ADAM**: (Listening, concerned) Really, Dad?

**MAX**: (Nodding) Really. And he started having hallucinations, too.

### Scene 4: The Hallucination

**ADAM**: (Later, alone, taking another puff, then starting to hallucinate)

**HALLUCINATION**: (Eerie voice) Adam... Don't go down this path...

**ADAM**: (Frightened) Who's there?

**HALLUCINATION**: (Continuing) Remember your father's words...

**ADAM**: (Panicking) This can't be real!

### Scene 5: The Realization

**NICK**: (Entering) Adam, what's going on?

**ADAM**: (Shaken) Nick, I had a hallucination. I think my dad was right.

**NICK**: (Supportive) Maybe it's time to listen to him.

### Scene 6: The Apology

**ADAM**: (To Max) Dad, I'm sorry. I see now that you were just looking out for me.

**MAX**: (Hugging Adam) I just want the best for you, son.

**ADAM**: (Touched) I know, Dad. I'll be more careful.

**MAX**: (Smiling) That's all I ask.

**FADE TO BLACK. END OF EPISODE. CREDITS ROLL TO SOMBER MUSIC.**

---

**Title: "The Belarusian Temptation"**

**Setting: The stylish New York City apartment shared by Adam and Nick, and the hallway introducing Dasha's new apartment.**

### Scene 1: The New Neighbor

**ADAM**: (Looking out the window) Hey, Nick, looks like we're getting a new neighbor!

**NICK**: (Curious) Really? Let's go introduce ourselves.

### Scene 2: Meeting Dasha

**DASHA**: (Opening her door, stunningly beautiful) Hello, can I help you?

**ADAM**: (Stammering) Hi, I'm Adam, and this is Nick. We're your neighbors.

**DASHA**: (Smiling) Nice to meet you! I'm Dasha, from Belarus.

**NICK**: (Teasing) Adam, close your mouth. You're drooling.

### Scene 3: Adam's Confusion

**ADAM**: (Later, to Nick) Nick, I can't stop thinking about Dasha. Is it possible that I'm... straight for her?

**NICK**: (Laughing) Straight for Dasha? Come on, Adam, you're just intrigued by someone new.

**ADAM**: (Serious) No, really, Nick. I'm confused.

### Scene 4: The Shower Revelation

**LOVER #1**: (In the shower) Adam, you've been distant lately. What's going on?

**ADAM**: (Hesitant) I've been thinking about our new neighbor, Dasha.

**LOVER #2**: (Playfully) Dasha? The Belarusian beauty?

**ADAM**: (Nodding) Yeah, I thought I might be straight for her.

**LOVER #3**: (Teasing) Well, let's remind you why you're here with us!

**EVERYONE**: (Laughing, playful shower antics ensue)

### Scene 5: The Heart-to-Heart with Max

**MAX**: (On rollerblades) Adam, you seem troubled. What's going on?

**ADAM**: (Opening up) Dad, I met someone who made me question my lifestyle.

**MAX**: (Wise) Son, it's normal to question things. But remember who you are and what makes you happy.

### Scene 6: The Resolution

**ADAM**: (To Dasha) Dasha, I want to be honest. I was confused about my feelings for you, but I've realized that I'm happy with my life.

**DASHA**: (Understanding) Adam, that's wonderful. I'm glad you've found what makes you happy.

**ADAM**: (Smiling) Thanks, Dasha. And welcome to the building!

**FADE TO BLACK. END OF EPISODE. UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS.**

---

**Title: "The Fight"**

**Setting: The stylish New York City apartment shared by Adam and Nick, and Dasha's neighboring apartment.**

### Scene 1: The Missing Vape

**ADAM**: (Frustrated) Nick, have you seen my Elf bar vape? I can't find it anywhere!

**NICK**: (Guilty) Uh, about that... I might have borrowed it.

**ADAM**: (Angry) Borrowed it? Without asking? That's not cool, Nick!

### Scene 2: The Retaliation

**NICK**: (Defensive) Come on, Adam, it's just a vape. What's the big deal?

**ADAM**: (Fuming) The big deal? I'll show you the big deal!

**ADAM**: (Smashing Nick's gaming wheel) There! How's that for a big deal?

**NICK**: (Furious) You destroyed my gaming wheel? That's it, Adam, get out!

### Scene 3: Staying with Dasha

**DASHA**: (Opening her door) Adam? What's wrong?

**ADAM**: (Upset) Nick and I had a fight. Can I stay here tonight?

**DASHA**: (Concerned) Of course, Adam. Come in.

### Scene 4: The Unexpected Move

**DASHA**: (Later, comforting Adam) You know, Adam, I've always found you attractive.

**ADAM**: (Surprised) Really, Dasha?

**DASHA**: (Making a move) Yes, really.

**ADAM**: (Conflicted) Dasha, I appreciate that, but I need to think about this.

### Scene 5: The Heart-to-Heart with Max

**MAX**: (On rollerblades, to Nick) Nick, you and Adam need to talk this out.

**NICK**: (Softening) You're right, Max. I overreacted.

### Scene 6: The Reconciliation

**ADAM**: (Returning to the apartment) Nick, I'm sorry about the gaming wheel.

**NICK**: (Apologetic) And I'm sorry about the vape. Let's make up.

**ADAM**: (Smiling) Deal.

### Scene 7: The Resolution with Dasha

**ADAM**: (To Dasha) Dasha, about last night...

**DASHA**: (Understanding) It's okay, Adam. I know where your heart is.

**ADAM**: (Grateful) Thanks, Dasha. You're a great friend.

**FADE TO BLACK. END OF EPISODE. TOUCHING MUSIC PLAYS.**

---

**Title: "The Surprise Guest"**

**Setting: The stylish New York City apartment shared by Adam and Nick.**

### Scene 1: The Unexpected Arrival

**ADAM**: (Answering the door) Can I help you?

**OBAMA**: (Smiling) Hello, Adam. I'm Barack Obama, and I believe I'm your newest rotating lover.

**ADAM**: (Stunned) President Obama?!

**OBAMA**: (Chuckles) Just call me Barack.

### Scene 2: The Introduction

**NICK**: (Entering) Adam, who's at the door?

**ADAM**: (Still in shock) Nick, meet Barack.

**NICK**: (Equally stunned) President Obama?!

**OBAMA**: (Grinning) Just Barack. And I'm here to join the rotation.

### Scene 3: The Lesson in Civic Values

**OBAMA**: (Sitting with everyone) You know, being part of a community means understanding our civic values.

**LOVER #1**: (Curious) What do you mean, Barack?

**OBAMA**: (Explaining) I mean the importance of voting, participating in our democracy, and making our voices heard.

### Scene 4: The Power of Voting

**OBAMA**: (Continuing) Voting isn't just a right; it's a responsibility. It's how we shape our society and make a difference.

**ADAM**: (Inspired) You're right, Barack. We should all register to vote.

**OBAMA**: (Pleased) That's the spirit, Adam!

### Scene 5: The Group Activity

**NICK**: (Excited) Let's make it a group activity! We'll all register to vote together.

**EVERYONE**: (Enthusiastic) Yes!

**OBAMA**: (Proud) I'm glad to see you all taking this seriously. Democracy works best when we all participate.

### Scene 6: The Heart-to-Heart with Max

**MAX**: (On rollerblades, to Obama) Barack, it's an honor to meet you.

**OBAMA**: (Gracious) The pleasure's mine, Max.

**MAX**: (Reflective) You know, I've seen a lot of changes in this country. But the power of the vote remains constant.

**OBAMA**: (Nods) That's the beauty of democracy, Max.

### Scene 7: The Farewell

**OBAMA**: (Leaving) Thank you all for a wonderful time. Remember, your voices matter.

**ADAM**: (Grateful) Thank you, Barack. You've taught us something valuable.

**OBAMA**: (Smiling) Keep making a difference, my friends.

**FADE TO BLACK. END OF EPISODE. INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS.**

---

**Title: "Steakhouse Sabotage"**

**Setting: The stylish New York City apartment shared by Adam and Nick, and Andre's upscale steakhouse.**

### Scene 1: The New Lover

**NICK**: (Excited) Adam, you've got to meet Andre. He owns a steakhouse, and he's amazing!

**ADAM**: (Suspicious) A steakhouse owner? Really, Nick?

**NICK**: (Enthusiastic) Trust me, you'll love him!

### Scene 2: Meeting Andre

**ANDRE**: (Charming) Welcome to my steakhouse! I'm Andre, and I'm thrilled to be part of the rotation.

**ADAM**: (Jealous) Nice to meet you, Andre.

**NICK**: (To Andre) Ignore Adam; he's just being grumpy.

### Scene 3: The Jealous Rage

**ADAM**: (Later, to Max) Dad, Nick's getting too close to Andre. I don't like it.

**MAX**: (Wise) Jealousy can lead to destructive behavior, Adam. Be careful.

**ADAM**: (Ignoring Max) I know what I'll do. I'll set rats loose in the steakhouse!

### Scene 4: The Sabotage

**ADAM**: (Sneaking into the steakhouse) This will teach Andre to steal Nick's attention!

**ADAM**: (Releasing rats) Go, my little friends!

### Scene 5: The Health Department

**ADAM**: (Calling the health department) Yes, I'd like to report a rat infestation at Andre's Steakhouse.

**HEALTH INSPECTOR**: (Concerned) We'll investigate immediately.

### Scene 6: The Arrest

**FBI AGENT**: (Entering the steakhouse) Andre, you're under arrest for health code violations.

**ANDRE**: (Shocked) What? This must be a mistake!

**FBI AGENT**: (Firm) You're coming with us to federal prison.

### Scene 7: The Confession

**ADAM**: (Later, guilt-ridden) Nick, I have to confess. I set the rats loose in Andre's steakhouse.

**NICK**: (Angry) You did what?!

**ADAM**: (Tearful) I was jealous, Nick. I'm so sorry.

### Scene 8: The Resolution

**NICK**: (Softening) Adam, jealousy can destroy relationships. We need to trust each other.

**ADAM**: (Nods) You're right, Nick. I'll make amends.

**FADE TO BLACK. END OF EPISODE. SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS.**

---

**Title: "Doo Wop Dilemma"**

**Setting: The stylish New York City apartment shared by Adam and Nick, and the glamorous Copa Cabana nightclub.**

### Scene 1: The Anniversary Date

**ADAM**: (Excited) Nick, our anniversary date at the Copa Cabana is going to be amazing!

**NICK**: (Grinning) I can't wait to see Peter Lemongello Jr sing the doo wop hits!

### Scene 2: The Copa Cabana

**PETER LEMONGELLO JR**: (On stage, singing) 🎵 "Blue moon, you saw me standing alone..." 🎵

**ADAM**: (To Nick) This is incredible!

**NICK**: (Enthralled) He's amazing!

### Scene 3: The Invitation

**ADAM**: (After the show) Peter, that was fantastic! Would you like to join our rotation?

**PETER**: (Polite) Thank you, but I must decline. I appreciate the offer, though.

### Scene 4: The Rejection Rage

**NICK**: (Unhinged) Decline? How could you decline us?

**PETER**: (Taken aback) I'm sorry if I've offended you. It's just not for me.

**NICK**: (Furious) Not for you? We'll see about that!

### Scene 5: The Intervention

**ADAM**: (Pulling Nick aside) Nick, calm down. It's okay if Peter doesn't want to join us.

**NICK**: (Still angry) But it's our anniversary, Adam! How could he reject us?

**ADAM**: (Soothing) Nick, not everyone will want what we want. We have to respect that.

### Scene 6: The Apology

**NICK**: (Calming down) You're right, Adam. I overreacted.

**ADAM**: (Understanding) Let's go apologize to Peter.

**NICK**: (To Peter) Peter, I'm sorry for my behavior. I hope you can forgive me.

**PETER**: (Gracious) Of course, Nick. Enjoy your anniversary.

### Scene 7: The Reflection

**ADAM**: (Later, at home) Nick, we've had quite a season, haven't we?

**NICK**: (Reflective) We sure have, Adam. But we've grown stronger together.

**ADAM**: (Affectionate) Here's to many more adventures, Nick.

**NICK**: (Raising a glass) To us!

**FADE TO BLACK. END OF SEASON. UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYS.**

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