Things are not AI-OK

While on vacation in Maine, I drove to meet an old friend and needed to use my phone’s GPS. It’s not my favorite traveling aide. I struggle with any device that installs updates more frequently than I blink.

While trying to get audio instructions, I spotted a new button and tapped it. Shazam! A cheerful voice spoke to me: “How can I help you?” Surprised, I blurted, “I want someone to talk to me!” “Okay, I can chat with you while you drive.” “No,” I said, “I just want vocal driving instructions.” He quickly disappeared and allowed the old Ms. Reliable GPS voice to take over. She guided me to my friend’s house with no problem.

Who decided we needed virtual traveling companions? I’m perfectly happy discussing politics with my fuel gauge. Why would I want to yak it up with an overly-friendly computer-generated voice that has no problem handing over our nation’s launch codes to the Russians or a thirteen-year-old kid?

Is this where the world is headed? I would like to think there are some conversations while driving that are beyond a chatbot’s capability. For example:

“For God sake, pull over and ask that man for directions!”

“Let’s sing another round of “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”

“Can’t you wait to use our guest’s bathroom?”

“Stop asking, ‘Are we almost there?’”

I’ve accepted the fact that chatbots are here to stay and will eventually rule the world with perfectly pleasant voices and absolute rational thinking. Still, I’d hate to think I’ll never again stew in my thoughts while feeling the excitement, anger and frustration of taking the wrong left turn and ending up on a dead-end road.

Comedy writer Ben Alper has written for Jay Leno, David Letterman and others. He is the author of “Live From the Beginning of Time: Late Night Comedy Monologues Through the Ages”