If you already know you’re meant to be the main character in your life, this is the letter that shows you how to love yourself as she would. How you talk to yourself, how you date yourself, how you communicate your standards, and how you keep choosing you, even in a relationship.
If you’re done just talking about self-love and you’re ready to actually live it, this is the letter you bookmark and come back to all year.
Welcome back, inner circle 🤍
In today’s monthly letter, I’m going deeper into self-love, not just the idea of it, but what it actually looks like in real life: how you show up for yourself, how you date yourself, how you communicate your standards and boundaries, and how to keep choosing you even when you’re in a relationship.
On the journey to becoming a better version of yourself, self-love is one of the most important pieces, and it’s something you have to work on every day. And not to be dramatic, but also for the rest of your life.
There is no way you can get the dream life and feel fulfilled in it if you do not know yourself on an intimate level.
I want to disclaimer first and foremost that this letter is not a substitute for therapy. Take what resonates and leave what does not.
If you’re anything like me, you probably grew up in a household where loving yourself equated to being “vain.” Women lacked self love because for generations love and care were solely placed on the men or children in the family.
The lack of self love could have also stemmed from a lack of resources. For example, growing up in an immigrant household, I remember things such as getting a manicure or celebrating one’s self being reserved for birthdays.
To top it off, there was no time to sit with yourself, let alone talk about your “feelings.” And talking to a therapist (if you could even afford one) was seen as telling a stranger your business, or for “crazy” people. Ultimately a big no-no.
It often makes me wonder: if we spoke up more, how much would we realize we had in common, and what could have changed, even if the changes were small?
I am the first woman to go to therapy in my immediate family.
One of a few women to go to university and graduate.
One of the few to live abroad, in different major cities across the U.S.
The only one that I know of who takes freedom, autonomy, and creative entrepreneurship seriously.
Always pivoting, always willing to try something new because I know I deserve more and love myself enough to try.
It’s far from easy, but being first never is.
I know my grandmother, her mother, and my mother walked so I could run.
And even in my lifetime, I don’t know what changes I could make because the story is still being written.
And so is yours.
Which brings me to the first point: I like to think of self-love as a behavior. It’s active.
It’s recognizing your worth (value), accepting your flaws (the things that are not perfect), and nurturing your growth (the changes you have made and will make along the way) rather than seeking external validation (others to love and recognize these things).
It’s also:
Self respect – acknowledging and respecting your own boundaries, values, and needs
Self trust – doing the things that you said you would do
Self protection – staying away from people, places, and things that do not feed your soul
Self love is not: constantly being confident, perfection, “always choosing peace,” or never being triggered. I found this out the hard way.
When I moved out of my family’s house and out of state, it was quiet for the first time in a while. With quiet comes thoughts, feelings, and the burning questions:
Who am I?
What do I want?
What needs to change?
It took me a while to get all of the answers, but one thing was for sure: self-love looked like, and still looks like, having my own back even when nobody claps every single time.
Because despite being ostracized for choosing myself and doing something different, I felt proud and free. I did what I said I was going to do.
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.