Interrupting your regularly scheduled short fiction and discussion of history and writing, let’s discuss some Star Wars.
It’s May the 4th and therefore time to share my prequel opinions.
First, I grew up with the prequels just as much as I did with the original trilogy. I loved all six of those films as a kid and only began to reappraise the prequels later. Overall, I think the fundamentals are there and without too much workshopping they could’ve been really good films. And so, as a writer myself, I’ve spent far too long thinking about the changes I would make. Presented here are my ideas for how each film might’ve been fixed.
The Promising Start
The Phantom Menace is, for me, an overall pretty good film with very high highs — the opening and Duel of the Fates fight being standout — and very low lows: everything involving the Gungans and Tatooine, and the serious problems with Anakin.
On the Gungans: the kids still need something, but you don’t want your kid-focused comic relief to be cringey and off-putting to the adults. There’s nothing in particular wrong with the Gungan storyline, but they needed to be replaced by an alien species that is much cuter (make them fluffy! Wookiees and Ewoks are adorable; early CGI fish people are not) and that doesn’t speak English. If you want my ideas — and why else are you here? — I’d make them smaller than a human but larger than an Ewok, they’d live in underground warrens, and be a calm, gentle group forced into violence by droid incursions. Maybe they’d even have some kind of innate force sensitivity. Something to make them distinct from the aforementioned Wookiees and Ewoks while still being cute and acting funny.
Tatooine is harder to fix, but needs to be better integrated into the plot and — here’s where I propose the big change — Anakin should’ve been closer to Luke’s age. I think Maul should already have been pursuing our heroes when they left Naboo and Tatooine should’ve been explicitly chosen as a hideout due to how out of the way it is. They get to Tatooine, but Maul’s still pursuing them. We get a brief lighsabre duel and then along comes Anakin to save them, doing something to show his force aptitude and, in a space chase sequence, he uses his piloting abilities to lose Maul. Also, Shmi dies here rather than in the next film. As she’s dying, Anakin asks Quigon to save her but he says that some powers are beyond even the Jedi because foreshadowing.
This Anakin is halfway between Luke and Han Solo, but with an edge: he’s seen the world and knows that the Jedi and Republic have never done anything to help him or his. Yet, partially due to a spark between him and a now age-appropriate Padme, he joins the adventure. Initially, there’s a rivalry between him and Obiwan, who’s less than a decade his senior, but they agree to put that behind them when Quigon dies and Obiwan takes Anakin on as an apprentice.
Aging up Anakin is the biggest change but it makes everything better. The film was marketed in part based on ‘how could this cute kid become Darth Vader’ which is compelling, but not as compelling as telling a good story, and youngish adult Anakin is just a better story. As a result of completely changing Tatooine, pod-racing gets cut and, as an established pilot, Anakin actually gets asked to lead the desperate Naboo attack on the Trade Federation fleet. Starting the Anakin-Padme romance here (initially just a spark, before they don’t see each other for a few years) also means the second film doesn’t have to cram in so much of their romance. Oh, and don’t mention virgin births and midichlorians.
The Terrible Middle
Now, Attack of the Clones is a much worse film than The Phantom Menace. But even here there are good bones to work with. Everything up to everyone leaving Coruscant is pretty good or, at least, needs only minimal work. And then it goes to hell. So, here’s my fix: we stay on Coruscant.
Instead of Anakin and Padme going on a romantic retreat with nothing to do but spout awful dialogue, Padme refuses to leave (because she’s a badass political operator used to being in danger) and our three main characters embark on a politically charged investigation into who’s trying to kill Padme. Dooku is an actual character, politically clashing with Chancellor Palpatine due to his status as a leader of the separatist movement (hiding their actual relationship), and one of our possible suspects. However, Dooku makes a lot of sense to Anakin, arguing that the Republic is not fit for purpose, full of corruption and backstabbing, that the Jedi are no better (hence he left), and that every planet has to look out for itself. Padme and Anakin are now doing something while they incidentally fall in love and Obiwan pretends not to notice.
Then, Dooku reveals on the Senate floor that the Republic is building an army of clones to crush any opposition! Palpatine acts confused, saying it’s possible his predecessor planned something secretly, and begs Obiwan to investigate and, if needed, shut down this illegal military buildup. Meanwhile, Anakin and Padme, finally alone, can get it on. While Obiwan in gone, they uncover that Dooku was behind the assassination and go to confront him but are attacked. Seeing Padme threatened, Anakin sees red and does a truly horrendous amount of damage before being subdued. Dooku smuggles them out of Coruscant to the separatist base of Geonosis, where he’s preparing to declare independence from the Republic.
Obiwan gets back to Coruscant, where he tells Palpatine that there is indeed a clone army. Palpatine says he’ll shut it down but, just then, they get word of Padme and Anakin’s capture, and evidence of a separatist droid army that they’re able to gather during an aborted escape attempt. So, apparently reluctantly, Palpatine goes to the Senate to announce this and that the clone army, previously unknown to him, has been mobilised to end a rebellion. Obiwan infiltrates Geonosis covertly with a force of Jedi while Yoda leads the clones into battle. The end of the film is basically the same, except now we care about Dooku and he and Anakin can have a conversation as they fight about the structural defects of the Republic.
The Almost Good Ending
Fixing Anakin in the first two films already goes a long way towards fixing the third film, the flaws of which a heavily tied up with Anakin’s motivations. (Or lack thereof.)
Again, we can keep the beginning basically intact. It’s a good sequence! And I think the basic political setup is good, but needs to be clarified and brought more sharply into focus. Palpatine is increasingly distrusted as he takes more power, ostensibly as emergency measures, which Anakin supports — favouring a strongman to cut through the Republic’s flaws — but which worries Padme, Obiwan, and the Jedi council. Anakin finds his loyalties tested as Padme begins to lead the opposition to Palpatine’s power grabs. Maybe there’s even legislation going through the Senate to extend Palpatine’s term as chancellor beyond the usual limits and granting him greater discretionary powers, which could then be a concrete focus for the political back-and-forth.
I don’t think Anakin should’ve stayed on Coruscant with nothing to do but mope. He should’ve returned to the war with Obiwan, leaving Padme to do the Coruscant political plot. However, Padme could’ve then gotten critically injured in an attack on the Senate, causing Anakin to return, finding that Palpatine has unilaterally declared martial law and the suspension of elections in response to the attack. The Jedi council tell Anakin to arrest Palpatine for going beyond his powers, but Anakin agrees that something had to be done, and then Palpatine reveals that he can save Padme. He begins to heal her, Luke and Leia are born, but — at that moment — the Jedi attack, planning to arrest Palpatine. This forces him to stop healing Padme to defend himself, meaning that she dies.
At that point, Anakin would have a much better reason to hate the Jedi and support Palpatine, who announces that the Jedi attempted a coup and therefore must be suppressed. Order 66 goes out and Anakin leads an attack on the Jedi temple where he doesn’t kill any children. The ending plays out the same, with the Empire being declared and Anakin being sent to decapitate the separatist leadership. Anakin genuinely thinks that Obiwan will join forces with him once the Jedi’s role in Padme’s death is revealed to him, but Obiwan maintains that Padme would never have supported an empire and that the Jedi were right to attempt to depose Palpatine, leading to their fight. Meanwhile, Yoda’s fight with Palpatine is a distraction so Luke and Leia can be smuggled out from beneath his clutches, meaning that Anakin can blame the Jedi not only for Padme’s death but also for abducting his children. Upon becoming Darth Vader, he vows to hunt down all remaining Jedi to recover his stolen children. (Why did Vader never look on Tatooine for his son is certainly a plot hole, but it’s already a plot hole in the original trilogy, so the prequels get a pass for that particular issue.)
Until The Next Rant
In my opinion, these would’ve been much better films that still keep the underlying ideas of the films we got. Mostly, they’re about making tighter plots, giving Anakin better motivations, and allowing Padme to actually do something after the first film.
There are people, of course, for whom that doesn’t go far enough. Who wants political intrigue and trade policy in their Star Wars, they ask? Me, I do, I want that very much, and you would too if it was better handled. Or, even more substantially, some argue there shouldn’t have been prequels altogether. That’s a whole other debate but, personally, I’m not opposed to a good prequel, particularly if it can stand on its own as just a good story. Personally, I quite like the dramatic irony they’re able to play with.
So, how’d I do? Do you think I’ve fixed them or were they beyond repair? More prequel discussion is very much appreciated.
Like a few other rants, this was supposed to be a note but grew out of control. I’ve got another about coinage I accidentally wrote just yesterday, which I’ll save up to release another time. As this is entirely outside of my usual release schedule, I’ll be posting my usual non-fiction — in this case a guide to geopolitically analysing fantasy worlds — next Thursday.
You can also read more of my writing here:
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