things we swore we'd never do as moms. a full list. we're so sorry.

🎧 we talked about all of this on the podcast too: Listen Now

happy thursday!! okay today we've got the things we said we'd never do as moms (lol), a product we are genuinely obsessed with, something to drop in your group chat, and a poll that is going to make you feel very seen. let's get into it.

before we had kids, both of us had a LOT of audacity.

we had plans. we had standards. we had loud opinions about other people’s parenting that we said directly to other humans’ faces. we were going to run a tight ship. our kids were going to eat at the table. no screen time. no junk food. no bribing. no co sleeping. we had READ things.

hahahahahahahaha.

every single thing we said we weren’t going to do? we’ve done it. every single one. so today we’re dragging our pre-baby selves into the light and we are not even a little bit sorry.

1. screen time

no TV until they’re at least 3. very firm. very serious. not negotiable.

and then one bad day hit and someone mentioned dancing vegetables on youtube and listen. we were both into it. sitting there watching the broccoli do its thing in complete silence. it was genuinely the most peaceful either of us had felt in weeks.

here’s what we actually learned: what they watch matters way more than how much they watch. ditch the cocomelon. ditch the fast paced overstimulating stuff. blue’s clues. arthur. bear in the big blue house. slow it down. and look, we know cocomelon is basically baby crack. it’s designed to be impossible to look away from. the old shows were slower because kids’ brains needed slower. still do.

p.s. by the third kid one of us had love island on after bedtime and the baby was right there beside her watching every second and absolutely loving it. as if we would have ever allowed the older kids near a screen at her age. third kid just hits different. we don't make the rules.

also if YOU are on your phone, your kid is going to want a screen. that’s just physics.

survival mode is not failing. write that down.

2. the food thing

no mcdonald’s. no separate meals. they eat what we eat or they don’t eat.

lol.

the last time we had mcdonald’s was sunday. we’re not saying who asked for it.

the separate meals thing is what really got us. our moms didn’t do this. if we didn’t eat, that was it. so why can’t we do that? because we are SUCKS. complete people pleasing sucks who cannot physically sit there and watch our kids not eat. we tried. we failed. we made the separate meal. moving on.

give yourself grace on this one. pick your battles. this is one you’re going to lose and that’s okay.

3. discipline

we were going to be calm. patient. zen. gentle parenting all the way.

we lose our shit approximately four to seven times a day.

the police thing. okay. so. there was a bedtime. no other adult in the house. everything had been tried. and then: ‘if you do not go to your room right now i am calling the police.’ they bolted. silence. we felt like complete assholes. but also they went to bed. we’ve done it five more times since then.

does it make us bad moms? genuinely don’t think so. does it work? yes. are we stopping? absolutely not.

also: time out works perfectly on one kid and means literally nothing to the other one. one of ours sat in the chair smiling like we’d suggested a fun new game. the other one told us he was going to give himself a time out. so.

4. bribing

we used to judge this. fully, openly, out loud judged parents who bribed their kids.

we now bribe our children constantly and without shame. at a wedding recently: ‘if you come and take a picture you will get a coke.’ he calls it coke emotion now. we don’t know why. it works. we’re doing it.

you are surviving in the moment. welcome to reality.

5. co sleeping

absolutely not. the sleep trainers say no. their own room. their own crib. goodnight.

when our partners are out of town, we are sleeping with our kids. because it works. nobody has to run downstairs at 3am. everyone sleeps. the occasional kick in the head is genuinely worth it.

your baby was inside your body for nine months. of course they want to be near you. if it works for your family, do it and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.

the one that surprised us the other way

everyone said when you have kids your life is over. we braced for it.

and then we were genuinely surprised to find out that... it’s not? we still travel. we still go out. we still do things. you just bring your kids. it’s more chaotic and involves a lot more snacks but it’s still your life. not everything on this list is a loss. some of it is just different.

here’s what we want you to take from all of this:

don't say this stuff out loud before you have kids. say it in your head. you will have egg on your face. and if you're reading this going OH MY GOD SAME, you are not a bad mom. you are surviving. that is the whole entire job

okay. confession list complete. now for the good stuff.

🛍️ btw, we tried it

speaking of ages and stages, we want to talk about something that we have loved through all our stages, the Lovevery play kit.

if you have a baby or a toddler and you haven’t heard of this, it’s a subscription that sends you age specific toys and activities designed by child development experts. and before you roll your eyes, we rolled ours too. and then we tried it.

the thing that actually got us is that it takes the mental load of ‘am i stimulating my baby enough’ completely off the table. everything in the kit is designed for exactly where your kid is developmentally that month. no googling. no trying to figure out what’s age appropriate. it just shows up and you open it and your kid loses their mind over it.

the honest review: worth it. especially in those early months when you have zero capacity to think about anything beyond survival. shop lovevery here thank us later!!!

💬 drop this in your group chat

okay we need everyone to do this and report back.

go to ChatGPT right now and type exactly this:

“what fictional character am i most like? just give me the name, no explanation.”

then screenshot it and send it to your group chat. that’s it. we promise the conversation that follows will be unhinged in the best way.

ours:

amanda → phoebe buffay. completely unhinged in the best way. somehow always right. we’re not elaborating.

jessie → lorelai gilmore. runs on coffee, talks too fast, makes it work anyway. checks out.

drop yours in the comments. we genuinely need to know.

📊 the poll

Things We Think But Don’t Often Say Out Loud

okay the one that got us the most was honestly the separate meals thing because we truly cannot believe we became those parents and yet here we are making two dinners every single night lol. drop your poll answer in the comments and tell us the specific thing you swore you’d never do because we know you have one and we know it’s good. and if you know a mom who is currently on her righteous high horse about how she’s going to parent, send her this. she needs it more than she knows. okay we love you. see you tuesday.

xo, amanda and jessie

Leave a comment