The Dream Made Flesh

This past weekend, I got to live an experience designer’s wet dream.

50 cast and crew. High budget. A phenomenal co-designer. Two high-end locations. 8 hours of time. All to transform the lives of 12 people, and help them find their dreams.

Designing this event was one of the greatest challenges of my career. At many points I felt like throwing in the towel. At one point I actually quit, and the producer (aka my husband Geof, who worked SO HARD to create this event, who absolutely killed it, and who I am SO PROUD OF) had to sit me down and tell me, “I know you don’t feel like you’re the right person for this. But nobody is the right person for this. This has never been done before.”

I got back to work. For months, I and my co-director worked to create an experience like no other - a psychodramatic, theatrical, individually customized series of Ordeals that comprised one third of a 3-day experience in ritual immersive erotic theatre.

At the end of that day, one of the patrons, who had paid half price, said “I want to give you the rest of the money.”

At the end of the weekend, the participants were glowing, and the cast felt like a community - perhaps even more transformed than the patrons.

At the end of the event, I felt like I had a vision of what this collective - this temple, for which I had traveled across the world and given months of my time, first grudgingly and then with joy; which has pushed me in my sexuality, and brought me to new artistic highs; which attracted the most skilled group of actors, producers, and crew I have ever worked with - could really be.

I have spent my life creating low-budget, high-impact events meant to create a ripple effect in communities that need connection. This was my first high-budget, relatively low-impact event that was meant to stay only within its walls.

And it was SO MUCH FUN.

I’ve been absent from Substack for a while because of the demands of production, and my inability to reveal the event details lest the surprise be spoiled for patrons who read this. (also uncertainty about what the NDA covered.) Due to said NDA, there are details I will not reveal about the event; and I’m also going to make the full story available only to paid subscribers.

Join me, friends, for the Ordeals of the Mysteries of Morphia.

*Note: in the below, I’ll relate both the events of the weekend, and the process of producing them. Whenever I am doing a “from an experience designer/internal view”, I’ll use italics.

with a performance.

Gods across pantheons performed the story of their dying light. This was the myth: that we have fed the gods only our fears, our darkness, our scraps of attention; none of our prayers or sacrifices or dreams. And now, starved, they are dying.

We watched Ra and Brigid huddle around the embers of a flame, and Inari lick fire across her body and swallow it whole. We watched Baku be fed the words of our fears, and writhe, glutted with them. We watched the Fates quit their job, tired of spinning lint into life-strings. And we watched Morpheus and Persephone come together to birth a new goddess - Morphia - to hold and evoke the dreams of humanity.

The whole performance was watched from beds, in which dinner was also served. Then the audience went to sleep. A dream-tender was there until the early hours, lest they wake and wish to recount what they had seen behind their eyes.

In the morning, when they awoke, they faced their Ordeals.

The Ordeals happened in two locations, along 3 different tracks.

9 of the patrons were “Tasters”, or Initiates - people who had paid less in order to experience a group version of the process, largely in service of us spreading the word about this new performance collective.

3 were “Pilgrims”, patrons who had paid from $50k to $150k (yes, you read that right) to experience this and, at the higher level, other events throughout the year.

As you can imagine, the experience we were expected to provide was very high-level - every detail considered and accounted for.

Tahl and I designed all the Ordeals together. Since we couldn’t be in two places at once, he ran the Pilgrims’ journeys in the morning, while I ran the Initiates’, hence why I have more photos of these.

The very first thing that happened was an abduction.

One of the Pilgrims was with the Initiates for the morning (mostly because he signed up late, and we didn’t have time to gather background information on him). We didn’t want him to stand out, but we also wanted to give him an up-leveled experience. So three cast members abducted him from his bed in the morning, and carried him off to be sensually showered, blindfolded (to keep things PG-13 and not R), by two other performers.

In the meantime, I snuck a performer into the room and tucked him under a sheet on the center bed, which was our stage. Throughout the first scene, the cast would interact with the body - dropping a flower, leaving a plate, giving a caress - with no explanation given.

About 20 minutes later, 9 performers entered the room - one for each Initiate - and woke their assigned patron up with a kiss on the forehead, a hand on the heart, and a wave of the event’s custom-chosen incense. They served the patrons breakfast in bed (our chef and hospitality crews were AMAZING), took them to the bathroom, and encouraged them to journal on their dreams and on the night before. No speaking was allowed.

Notes: The biggest challenges of this event, for me, were aesthetics and emotions evoked through scene rather than speech. Most of my design focuses on transformation through connection, particularly through discourse. So when I was designing these Ordeals, the feedback I kept getting was “It’s too heady”.

I eventually learned to put my designs through a filter. I would start with the intention of the scene - what it was meant to do - and write out how I would usually design it. Then I’d see if I could take most of the words out and add lights, sound, scents, and transitions.

This morning scene is a good example. “Breakfast in bed” isn’t a particularly ritualistic thing. But if you add in a corpse, incense, soft lighting, no speech, everyone provided the same white clothes, and individualized servers…then you start getting Vibe.

I was lucky that Tahl’s specialties were abduction, aesthetics, and music. I held down story, intention, and organization. Once we learned each other’s working styles and picked up some of each other’s skills, we made a great team.

After breakfast, the cast put on the Patrons’ shoes, a pair of headphones, and a death mask. They led them from the hall.

The Initiates were led to a tree, upon which a god - Odin - was suspended. They sat down on blankets and Odin’s voice rang through their headphones (pre-recorded). With the help of their cast members, they did a small blood ritual to mark their transition into the dream, and then immersed their faces in a bowl with milk (life) and their blood (death).

The rest of the scene walked them through their dreams as a child, a lover, for success, and for contribution. The cast interacted with them at various times: cuddling, stroking, feeding, wailing, depending on the part of the scene.

At the end they were un-blindfolded and led back into the hall, which had been re-set in their absence.

The next scene was my favorite of the whole event, save the very last. Aesthetically and impact-wise, it came off almost exactly as I envisioned.

Inside the main hall was a series of mirrors - one for each initiate. They were told to “find themselves”: a card of them, transformed into a godlike figure, placed at the top of each mirror. On the mirror was written: “What do you desire? Light the candle when you feel complete.” Beside the mirror was a glass-writing pen, a stick of incense, branded matches, and a candle.

When they lit the candle, the goddesses Kali or Parvati came and led them to a field. An Oni sat there, waiting, with two shinai (bamboo swords) in front of him. The goddess asked, “Do you find your truth through contemplation or confrontation? Are you willing to fight for your dreams?”

Designer note: we wanted them to fight. If the choice were truly “how do you find truth?”, we wouldn’t have included the second phrase, which prompted them towards the sword.

Those who said yes picked up the sword and were given goggles and gloves. Then the Oni attacked.

While attacking, he asked: “What do you fight for?” He prompted the patron, again and again, to find an unfiltered truth under duress (often the time when we most say things we don’t expect). When they found it - or, in every case, when I rang the “stop” bell, because everyone went HARD - the Oni sank again to his knees.

Then a guide took them through the hall of mirrors to a small room, where Morphia led a hypnotic guided meditation into their somatic self.

When everyone had fought and meditated, Morphia led them out through the hall. Outside their assigned guide awaited, to take them down the hill into death.

We wrapped them in shrouds with a coin in their hand for the ferryman. We waited, while they listed to a meditation on death, inviting them to sink into the earth and find what they wanted to leave behind. We raised and unwrapped them slowly, welcoming them back into the world of the living. And then we took them back to the hall for lunch.

Note: this was the scene that, in retrospect, I would change the most. The Pilgrims’ version of it was better, but I’m realizing that death processes require more bang and build-up. Other directors did a more powerful process the next day. That one I’ll keep under wraps (pun intended).

The Pilgrims had individualized experiences. They started in their own small cabins, and moved from cabin to cabin - never intersecting - experiencing different scenes.

The scenes were built out with content drawn from their lives. I will not tell all the vignettes, but here are some:

In one scene, while blindfolded, they heard a meditation helping them walk through their dreams and desires as a child. They were laid on a bed and surrounded by bodies in a human cocoon.

In another, a businessman in a suit jacket and heart-covered boxers (this is a dream, after all!) explored their life-long dreams of success by relating with them as if he was an old colleague. We compiled full dossiers on the Pilgrims’ business history for him to memorize and use.

In another, they walked into a room of computers showing slideshows of businesses they supported as philanthropists, with speakers playing messages of impact and appreciation from each company’s founder.

In another, they were brought in front of an outdoor altar, where a crowd of mourners sat and sobbed on pews. The god Anubis gave a sermon, and then the Pilgrims were lifted by the crowd and placed into coffins. In their ears they heard a death meditation and eulogies from their friends.

Then it was lunchtime. We transported them to our main location for the afternoon, to join the Initiates for an after-lunch scene.

…began by re-uniting Pilgrims and Initiates in a scene called “Fates and Fears”. The Moroi - Maiden, Mother, and Crone (specially enhanced by the fact that the Mother, Lachesis, who was also our on-site producer, was 8 months pregnant! And not slowed in the slightest) - snipped and wove creepily in red light, while a cast member was bound and suspended in threads. Then they, and the 3 Anubi, elicited fears from the group and had them write these on a long red ribbon. The ribbon was passed around and everyone read a fear that was not their own.

After all the fears were read and a final speech made, Atropos cut the ribbon. The lights went out. The Pilgrims were taken from the hall for a scene, while the Initiates were led next through breathwork accompanied by our live musician Davìd - one of the most talented multi-instrumentalists I have met in my life, made rich and famous by his music. At the end of this he told Geof that he was a rare sort of producer, and David would follow him into any future performance he held. (Have I said yet that I am proud of Geof? I am SO PROUD OF GEOF.)

Breathwork led into each Initiate finding an candle-lit altar with a framed photo of them on it, the sort that might be placed on a casket. Indeed, next to the photo was a tiny wooden casket; and they were given paper on which to write any remaining fears they wished to let go of. They put their fears into the casket. Then they were led out the door, to the High Priest and Priestess waiting there.

The High Priestess marked each Initiate’s forehead with ash, and the Priest put a drop of honey on each tongue. Then the Initiates were taught a song, and they sang it while walking down to the stone bridge above a riverbed. As they got closer they heard drumming and singing - the same song, being sung by all the cast, in front of a fire.

They filtered themselves through the crowd. The High Priest invited them: stand on the stone step and claim their truth. After walking through their dreams and desires all day, after letting die what needed to, what was left? What would they live into, now, with all of that behind?

I expected this to take prompting. It did not. Each Initiate leapt up to the step, to cheers and howls and applause. Each claimed a truth that felt deep and powerful. Each threw their fears into the fire, and it crackled with the color-changing powder I included in the tiny caskets. The Pilgrims arrived and did the same ritual. And then the drums beat, and we sang, and we danced, just as rituals have begun and ended for thousands upon thousands of years.

…is not for me to tell. It remains shrouded in mystery, the mystery of NDAs and of things that can be reduced in the act of telling.

As the Mysteries’ resident storyteller told us in a final speech, to put sacred truth into words is like pinning a butterfly to the page. It deserves to fly free, until it can be told without such confinement.

The Ordeals are things I have already pinned in many docs and spreadsheets; they were precious to experience, but safe to say. What came after - the next day and a half of rituals - is only for those who were there, or will be. It was beautiful, and powerful, and it left us all with the sweet exhaustion of what I can only describe as magic. It was - to quote the theme of the event - “The dream made flesh.”

As for me, I feel that I was given a powerful gift. After many years of doing the same thing, I got to stretch in a totally new way. I got to create props lists and train actors; work with incredible artists and learn new ways to design. I feel young in my theatre skills, but deeply proud of my ability to create experiences that transform.

I had planned to retire from leadership for a while. But the chaos, the magic, and the learning are pulling me back in. Next April is Dante’s Inferno - already mostly funded, thanks to Geof, who I am SO PROUD OF. And we will give dreams flesh anew.

Your loving Thought Dom,

Sara Ness

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