I never dreamed I’d write a book

Reading my own words out loud — recording the audiobook.

I had never in my wildest dreams thought I would write a book. But when John came to me in early 2019, I was intrigued. While teaching at MIT, we had both seen that theory alone didn’t make people better negotiators. What did drive behavior change were exercises they practiced in the wild. So why not put together a book of exercises that sprinkled in some theory?

Relational negotiation has given me a career I love, deeper friendships, and a wonderful life partner. I wanted to help others find that value and get more — and a book was compelling, with the opportunity for broad impact. So I dove into writing.

I’ve always been fascinated by the relationship between storytelling and learning. We remember a good story, and we’re far more likely to use lessons we draw from it than a dry framework.

Theory alone didn’t make people better negotiators. Practice did.

So as we pulled the exercises together, loosely organized around the seven elements of negotiation, I took a stab at opening each chapter with a personal story. Doug Stone, a close colleague and friend, gave us glowing feedback on my name story, and that encouraged us to keep going.

Launch night with John — several years of work, finally a book.

We got lucky twice

John and I spent several years on Never Settle before we ever thought to shop it around. We decided we’d self-publish if no one picked it up, bracing ourselves for rejection and coming up with a back-up plan. We got lucky twice — first when we landed our agent, and then with our publisher, Simon & Schuster.

The book is now out in the world and landed at #19 on the USA Today bestseller list. Colleagues working in negotiation, leadership, and communication have acclaimed the practical application of what we offer. We also got endorsements from some of the people we respect the most — Daniel Pink, Eric Barker, Bob Cialdini, and Chris Voss — plus the most amazing foreword from Sheila Heen.

Try This Week: Go get rejected

A tolerance for rejection is crucial to becoming a better negotiator. So try to get rejected in a small way today. Ask for something off menu, for something extra, or for a favor. This is how you inoculate yourself to the sting — and you may be surprised how hard it is to actually get rejected.

Here is my promise if you decide to get the book: the concepts come through story, so they’re easy to read and understand, and most of the exercises can be done in 1–5 minutes. They’re also fun — and once you see one work, it makes you want to come back for more.

Next time, I’ll tell you about the work I do now — and a client who almost stormed into her boss’s office to blow up her career.

— Attia