Guess where SpontaneousH is this week? Well, he was dead, and we will get to that, but he is writing to us from the psychiatric hospital. Not the one in the thumbnail. That’s Hudson State. It’s a Kirkbride, and anyone that has read me for a long time knows that I like those structures, so it stands to reason that I would use one any chance I get.
Anyway, on to Spontaneous being committed after dying. At least he is fully in acceptance that he is an addict, but man, did it take him awhile.
IAmA patient in a psychiatric hospital. I was also technically dead last week, AMA.
Well that’s a hell of a title. All right, let’s get into it.
I am in one of the nation’s finest hospitals and get internet access in 30 minute intervals before having to restart my browsing session which is kind of annoying, along with the pesky web filter (I will be very grateful if anyone can help me get around it, all proxies I have tried are blocked).
If you are reading this and know me you probably already know who I am, AMA.
Edit: I can’t believe it has been over a year since I discovered heroin and did the AMAs on here after first trying it and several months later. Time flies when you’re an addict.
So here we are, a year out from the first post, and his admission that he is an addict is likely a year behind where it should be, but at least he is getting there. We will not be criticizing people for being slow on the uptake necessarily, but we will criticize when they are chasing what they want over looking at their lives critically and seeing them falling off a cliff in slow motion.
How did Mr. H die? Well someone, of course, asked him exactly that, and he told them:
[deleted]
I was also technically dead last week
Explain this.
OP•16y ago
I overdosed on a combination of (mostly) fentanyl, plus I had a lot of diphenhydramine, pregabalin, temazepam, and maybe some lingering oxymorphone in my system. I stopped breathing with several fentanyl patches in my mouth (they were previously used and I thought they had much less left in them) partially blocking my airway and would have been dead dead if I was found 10 minutes later according to EMS. It took multiple shots of Narcan to revive me.
I know this probably goes without saying, but I don’t think this guy likes himself very much, or at least he doesn’t like his body with all the crap he’s putting into it.
[deleted]
WOW. That’s fucked up.
Yes, yes it is, Deleted.
Don’t do Fentanyl, kids. Just don’t.
A quick aside, because it is super interesting. There was a guy in Florida that was found dead. He had overdosed, but here’s the thing. He didn’t have a history of drug addiction. There was no doubt that he ODed on Fentanyl, however. He had a back injury (I think? It’s been a minute since I heard about this case, so I could be wrong) that had been severe enough that he was scripted Fentanyl patches, like the ones that Spontaneous here thought was a grand idea to start chewing on. Hint, this was not a smart plan.
Anyway, he had one of these patches. He wasn’t abusing it, he wasn’t taking anything else, it was just the patch. He definitely ODed from it, but he hadn’t done anything to it to cause this to happen. Some people manipulate them to try to get more pain relief, or high, but he didn’t. The patch itself was defective. In fact, there were a bunch of these defective patches. They are meant to slowly give a dose of Fentanyl over a long period of time. Three days, I think. These patches just dumped the entire dose into the bloodstream all in one go. The guy had no chance. I am guessing he was not the only death, he is just the one I heard about.
Anyway, back to Mr. H thinking that chewing on a bunch of these was a good idea, let alone all the other drugs in his system. The one I don’t get is diphenhydramine. That’s just Benadryl, dude? Like, why? Overdosing on it will make you sleepy,, sure, but it also dehydrates you something fierce, and not much else. Why are you taking that in bulk? Seems weird.
OP•16y ago
Yeah, I was already headed to rehab too... I was supposed to go to Florida today but now I’m stuck here in limbo for who knows how long. They made me go through 4 days of hellish withdrawals before I had enough buprenorphine in my system to help. Suboxone is powerful stuff and I had no idea how much tolerance I had built up from fentanyl use in the weeks prior until the WDs hit even WITH a decent suboxone dose.
[deleted]
Do yo wish yo didn’t make it? That is, you wish you have died?
OP•16y ago
No. I sincerely thought I wasn’t even going to get high from what was left in the patches, and I didn’t before passing out (it was around 6am). The problem was there was a lot more left in at least one of them and they kept feeding me fentanyl rapidly while I was asleep.
I’ve had tons of experience IVing massive doses of heroin, oxymorphone, and hydromorphone, but never thought buccal fentanyl would do me in.
Yeah, but see, Fentanyl is not those drugs. Fentanyl has its own special little class that it exists in. Let me tell you a little story.
In 2021, a French family, the Lavenir family, is staying in Wellington, FL for a vacation in an Airbnb. They have five kids, and one of them is a little baby named Enora. They rented a four bedroom lake house. Sounds like a nice trip, right?
On August second, this is the second day of their vacation, Enora has a nap with her older sister, and when the mother, Lydie, checked on her, she was found to be unresponsive. They called 911 and rushed her to the hospital. She was already dead, however.
The Palm Beach County Medical Examiner ruled the cause of death to be acute fentanyl toxicity (a lethal level in her blood), with the manner of death accidental. Her parents tested negative for drugs, and her formula also tested negative. No drugs or paraphernalia were found at the scene.
So how did this little girl overdose on a drug that her family had no connection to? Sometime in the second half of July, before their stay in the Airbnb, it had been rented by a group of twelve people for the purpose of a party. They had a LOT of drugs at this party, cocaine, marijuana, and other drugs (including possibly fentanyl) throughout the house, including bedrooms and kitchen areas. As Fentanyl is so potent, and it takes very little to kill you, the assumption by the family, and what they based their lawsuit on, was that there was Fentanyl residue left over in the areas that Enora was exposed to, and it was sufficient enough to kill her.
Currently there is no resolution to the lawsuit. They sued Airbnb for obvious reasons. They also sued the property owner as previously there had been numerous issues with parties at the rental and he had done nothing, in their opinion, to intervene with these problem guests, nor warn people that there had been a history at that house that could place guests in danger. It only takes basically what amounts to a few grains of salt of Fentanyl to be lethal to a toddler. If it touches their skin, if they inhale it, or if they ingest it. The residue is not always negated by cleaning. The fact that there were parties at this location, and the family was not warned, their daughter died in a terrible way.
Just something to think about when choosing vacation spots.
Fentanyl is not a drug to be messed around with, but here is SpontaneousH chewing on left over patches. Yeah dude, you would die from that. What gets me even more about this? Addicts see Fentanyl kill other addicts all the time, or at least they see them overdose because of it. The mentality of, “it won’t happen to me” is absolutely vexing.
OP•16y ago
I still don’t know how I’m ever going to live an opiate free life. The most I have gone without opiates since getting hooked was 3-4 months. Ditching all drugs is an even harder thought and I have only had 2-3 months of real sober time since discovering substances 5 years ago. It always creeps back on me. :(
You know… not to press too firmly on a nerve, but people did warn you about this quite awhile ago, and you didn’t want to hear it. You had it all in hand, remember?
OP•16y ago
5 months ago I swore I would never touch a drug or alcohol again and it just made relapse worse and made me feel like complete shit after it happened. It’s better to be realistic. I know I will have struggles down the road, the best I can do is minimize them and make it safer and less frequent/shorter duration.
You feel like shit about it, and yet give yourself permission to go right back to it. You can try to say how it isn’t something that you can help, it’s out of your control, but it isn’t. You choose to look for it, you choose to take it, you choose to chase it. All of it is a choice. I would say the same thing to a psychopath that refuses to control their impulses.
There is a difference between an irresistible impulse and an impulse not resisted. This is the latter, not the former, and as I would say to the psychopath finding themselves on the unfortunate end of the consequences of their poor choices, nobody feels sorry for you. You chose. Deal with it.
Someone then asks him how he feels about being in a psychiatric hospital, and if he has explained his presence there to others in his life. To which he answers:
OP•16y ago
I haven’t really had to explain it to people. My classmates just know I’m in the hospital and that I have a psychiatric condition (bi-polar disorder is the current diagnosis that I let people know about although I might have Asperger’s and I definitely have a substance abuse problem).
He also speaks a bit about life there:
OP•16y ago
There is this girl walking down the hallway bitching about “how she is in so much pain here and there is something in this hospital that makes her have so much pain and she wants to be transferred to a less painful hospital”. At least there is some amusement, surprisingly people in my unit aren’t very crazy aside from the screaming women they evicted the other day.
Dude. That girl seems to be in pain and it actually amuses you?
OP•16y ago
She’s a whiny bitch who won’t make her own bed and has imaginary pain that the hospital walls cause her, I have to find some amusement in here.
On an unrelated note I might have narcissistic personality disorder.
Awfully judgy for a dude that was dead last week. Just sayin.
Now, if you want to know why he keeps getting himself into these situations:
Do you think you will stay clean this time?
He replies:
OP•16y ago
No, I expect to relapse several times honestly. It’s a hell of an addiction. That doesn’t mean I won’t try my best but I’m prepared for the reality of setbacks. No more fentanyl though, a week before this incident I had a near OD with fent as well but I snapped out of it. When I relapse it will be IV hydromorphone and oxymorphone, my drugs of choice. Heroin is too expensive and inconsistent and honestly I got the best high from hydromorphone when I had low tolerance.
When. Not if, when he relapses.
You are the author of your own story, and you wrote the conclusion before giving the process a choice.
It is clear that he doesn’t want to be clean. He also doesn’t think that he needs to be in this hospital. Now, with that, I might agree with him. I notice all these diagnoses being thrown around, but not one of them is useful in my opinion. This guy still has a megaton of drugs in his system. Drugs literally change your brain in countless ways, but instead of saying, yup this dude is an addict, and it will take years for the damage to be repaired after he finally quits using, which he clearly isn’t going to do any time soon, before we can even think about assigning him a label.
They have no idea how Mr. H thinks without his brain being drug addled. It is impossible to give him any diagnoses, and yet, here they are with a litany of them to explain away what is easier and more accurately described as “addict”.
Sure, people use drugs to deal with their emotional issues, but really, once you are in the, I died last week, territory, I don’t think you can arrive at any conclusions about what may or may not be wrong with him. However, this tends to be the habit in a lot of situations. There is this need to “identify” the problem causing the addiction. It’s like having a “why” is more important than dealing with the person sitting in front of you.
It’s almost as if without doing this the clinicians don’t have anything of merit to offer. Let’s be frank, if a person is an addict, the first order of business is to “dry them out” so to speak. Yes, I know that is a term used for alcoholics, but the idea still applies. After that phase is over, the priority should be, keep them away from drugs to prevent relapse. Now, I know the whole idea should be to figure out why they use in order to address it and once they do so, they hopefully won’t go back to it, but that rarely seems to be the case.
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