Last week when I was writing about feminist and anti-capitalist food spaces + David Lynch, I hadn’t yet rewatched Part 15 of The Return, “There’s some fear in letting go.” This is the episode wherein Norma Jennings tells her kinda sleazy business and romantic partner Walter that no, she doesn’t want to continue franchising the Double R Diner after all. She’d like to scale back. Walter goes into a bit on how she needs to maximize profits, that she’s not charging enough for her famous pies; that she’s an artist but from a business perspective, things need to change.
Two episodes prior, Walter suggests letting the cooks at the other Double R locations use discretion in choosing ingredients. Norma has made up her mind though, and wants just one diner instead of franchising two other locations; she wants the other cooks to source her preferred “natural, organic, local ingredients.”
One fan theory for the Norma/Walter exchange is that Lynch might have been making a statement about being an artist asked to compromise vision for the sake of the corporate dollar. (An ordeal Lynch knew something about.) Personally, I’ve learned to suspend entirely the need for explanations when watching The Return, or anything from Lynch’s brain. I don’t need to know the why of things, it’s better to let the vibe take over.
I think this particular part of the scene got totally eclipsed in my mind by what happens immediately after Walter leaves the diner table and tells Norma she’s making a mistake, “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” swelling in the background. But I love it so much that in the Twin Peaks universe there exists a shining, beloved example of a woman-run restaurant less concerned with unmitigated growth and more on staying true to the values and ethics of the woman running it.
Bakery Life This Week
February has come rushing in with cake orders, the most wedding inquires I’ve gotten so far since starting At Heart, a few requests for quotes from local press on egg prices and worries about avian flu (a newsletter on these matters is coming). In the midst of business as usual, is my excitement about being hired to run the pastry at a new breakfast taco spot, Communidad, here in Atlanta. As in, I will be the pastry chef. As in, I was hired as a pastry chef for the first time at age 40.
Dismissing for the moment my thoughts and issues with being considered a late bloomer in life (just know those thoughts begin and end with “late according to what and whom?”), I am extremely and equally thrilled and nervous. I will have access to a 30 quart mixer!! I’ll be responsible for keeping the restaurant stocked with the conchas, cake slices, cookies that I’ve been making the last four years, with total control over what goes into the pastry case. I don’t even have to give up At Heart branding. As I wrote about in Bad at Business, At Heart has outgrown the boundaries of the cottage bakery industry. I mean, I have outgrown it and while working from home is a privilege I’m thankful to have, I feel ready to burst out onto to the streets to be with the community.
The garden cakes are going nowhere and we’re discussing the option of having people pick up their cakes from me at the restaurant. In the meantime, I’m making nearly 200 conchas for the building’s opening next week. I’m again reveling in the busyness. Don’t hold it against me but working is what keeps me happiest, and I’m in an extremely lucky spot to be hired as a pastry chef at time when the role continues to be eliminated from restaurants.
The newsletter will go forth as it is. Having a written component to the bakery work is a priority, even if I’ll be working in someone else’s kitchen. I imagine that the writing will only benefit from a slightly terrifying and very exciting new experience. I’ve always considered the baking and the writing to be in relationship with one another, the two pillars of my job and this remains true.
Cookbook Zine Updates
I’m doing a second printing of Panadería, in case you missed it. I was not totally sold on printing more copies, to be honest, since I’m ready to move on to the next issue (the theme will encompass being a bad capitalist as a bakery owner, accompanied by recipes). But I would love to keep my stockists well-stocked and I’m in the process of securing more locations on the west coast where I’m from!
In the coming months I’ll be looking for paid recipe testers (a paid subscriber benefit) and will put out a call here. For recipe testing I pay $100 + ingredient reimbursment + a complimentary copy of the zine. I have such enormous goals and clear vision for what At Heart zines could be that the thought of writing a traditional cookbook with a hundred bakery recipes holds little to no excitement. Now that I know what is possible without all the usual markers for an internet recipe person—social media platform, brand deals, cookbook agent—I just have different goals and ideas.
Panadería is available to purchase at these locations, with more stockists to come:
New York
Casa Magazines and Iconic Magazines
San Diego
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