I’m a server at a restaurant. It’s my last week, so my patience is running low on certain ‘jokes’ I have heard 10,000 times:

Me: “Anything else I can bring for you folks?”

Customer: *Who thinks they are hilarious and original.* “What about the winning lottery numbers?”

Me: “9, 14, 44, 50, 56, and 3.”

Customer: “Haha, wait… for real? Those are gonna be this weekend’s numbers?”

Me: “No, those were last weekend’s numbers.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “I mean, obviously that’s what you were asking for, right? To ask a minimum-wage waitress for next week’s numbers implies she has the ability to see the future, and that would be craaaaazy, right?”

P.S. I knew what the lottery numbers were because my brain is weird and I always remember them each week. As soon as a new set of numbers is announced, I forget the previous numbers, but I ALWAYS remember them from the previous week.

I was working at a gardening store with an older guy who was retiring in a week or so. As a result, he was taking on a more relaxed style of customer service.

Customer: “So how much does the ten-pound bag of soil weigh?”

Coworker: “Well, I don’t know where YOU’RE from, ma’am, but here on Earth it weighs ten pounds.” 

Luckily, she laughed it off as she realized. I can’t wait until my last week so I can get away with stuff like that!

I used to work in a large toy superstore chain that closed down (you know the one).

I always prided myself on giving excellent customer service, and was always chosen by some customers to be the one to help them because I knew about this.

As we were in the final days of closing down, knowing there was no transfer to a non-closing store (the whole chain was going), some workers took it as a chance to get retail revenge on those who had verbally abused them over the years. Some of them had really earned their revenge.

As for me, I still wanted to give the best possible customer service I could give… until one guy finally made me snap.

I see one of my regular customers trying to do a return with a coworker. He was always pleasant with me because I had given such good service in the past. He’s being curt and angry with my coworker, but as soon as he sees me, he says:

Customer: “[My Name]! He’s one of the good ones! He’ll do it for me!”

Me: *To the Cashier.* “What’s happening?”

Coworker: “Our customer here wants to return a year-old item and get a refund.”

Me: *To the customer.* “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t do that.”

Customer: *Immediately reverting back to anger mode.* “I thought you always prided yourself on your customer service?! I was told this thing had a one-year warranty!”

Me: “That’s the manufacturer’s warranty, sir. I can help you find the manufacturer’s phone number to order a replacement through them directly, as we are closing and there is no system in place for a refund or return anymore.”

Customer: *Livid now.* “You’re never going to forget about me because you didn’t give me the exceptional customer service you live for.”

Me: “I’m sure I won’t forget you, sir. I’ve purchased one of the discounted dart boards from the store, and I’m pretty sure I can draw a decent portrait of your head to stick to it.”

The customer stood there, too stunned to react to my calmly worded response. To be honest, I was a bit stunned too, I didn’t know I had those words in me.

The customer left with his dirty and beaten-up year-old item, and I started leaning into letting some customers know how I really felt in that final week.

It was my last night as a shift supervisor (and last night period). A customer walks in at 9:58 PM.

Me: “Excuse me, just to let you know that we’re closing in two minutes.”

Customer: “No, you’re not because I need to shop.”

Me: “Oh, I apologize, I wasn’t speaking clearly enough. In two minutes, I will put all the cash drawers into the safe and lock up the checkouts. If you haven’t made a purchase by then, well, you’re s*** out of luck.”

Customer: “You can’t kick out a customer if they’re already in the store, and you can’t talk to customers like that!”

Me: “I can if I’m the supervisor. There’s a 24/7 Walmart down the street. They get paid to stay up all night dealing with your s***. We don’t. Buy something in the next ninety seconds or get out.”

Customer: “I’m going to call your corporate offices and tell them what you did!”

Me: “Tell them to forward all correspondence to my new home in California, where I will be retiring to next week!”

Customer: “Well… I… I… I hope your retirement sucks!”

Me: “If I don’t have to force entitled people outside of closed stores in the evening, it’ll be an improvement no matter what. Have a nice life, ma’am, I know I will!”

She did write into corporate, according to one of my pals who still worked there. She was sent the store’s opening hours, and that was that.

Related:
Not So Closed Minded, Part 53
Not So Closed Minded, Part 52
Not So Closed Minded, Part 51
Not So Closed Minded, Part 50
Not So Closed Minded, Part 49

It’s my coworker’s last day working for the store, and he’s had a long week. We’re closing up, and he’s happy to be done with the place. He’s locking the doors when a customer comes rushing over.

Customer: “Let me through!”

Coworker: “We close at 9 PM, ma’am.”

Customer: “If the door isn’t locked yet, that means I can come in to shop!”

Coworker: “The only reason it’s not locked is that I’m talking to you, ma’am. Good night.”

Customer: *Still looking for a reason to complain.* “Well, then your opening hours should be more clearly posted!”

Coworker: “You’ll see the daily hours posted in BIG F***-OFF LETTERS, right next to the door.” *Slides door closed with a slam.* 

Related:
One Door Closes… And That’s It