This story took place a while ago. The conversation is mostly as I remember, but I’ve simplified it somewhat so that you’re not here all day.
A man walks into the auto shop with his teenage son. I’m the only person at the counter at the time, and I’m a woman.
Customer: “Uh… can I speak to a man?”
Me: *Gesturing to my coworker in the back.* “Sure.”
I call over the newest hire we have. He’s been with us a few weeks, and he’s a great dude, but as green as they come.
Coworker: “Hey, what can I help you with?”
Customer: “I’ve got a question about my truck. It’s making a noise.”
Coworker: *Glances at me immediately.* “Uh… she’s actually the one you want.”
The customer sighs like he’s being inconvenienced by reality and turns back to me. He sizes me up and then looks at his teenage son. When he speaks, it’s like he’s trying to prove a point to his son.
Customer: “Fine. I’ve got a 2014 Silverado. It’s making a noise.”
Me: “What kind of noise?”
Customer: “A ticking. Happens mostly on startup.”
Me: “Cold start tick? Probably lifters. Has it been sitting a while, or are you overdue an oil change?”
Customer: *Pauses.* “I change my oil.”
Me: “Okay. What weight are you running?”
Customer: “5W-30.”
Me: “Factory spec’s 0W-20 for that engine. Heavier oil can mess with lifter performance, especially on startup.”
Customer: *Frowns.* “That’s not what I’ve been told.”
Me: “Alright. When’s the last time you changed the spark plugs?”
Customer: “Recently.”
Me: “All of them?”
Customer: *Hesitates.* “Yeah.”
Me: “And the wires?”
Customer: “It doesn’t have wires.”
Me: “Good. Just checking.”
His son snorts a little. The customer ignores him and doubles down. From here on in, he seems to be testing me instead of diagnosing an actual problem he might be having.
Customer: “Okay. My transmission’s been slipping. What would cause that?”
Me: “Depends. When was the last time you serviced it?”
Customer: “It’s sealed.”
Me: “It’s marketed as sealed. There’s still fluid in it, and it still degrades.”
Customer: “So what, you’re saying I should just… open it up?”
Me: “I’m saying if it’s slipping, you’re either low on fluid, the fluid’s degraded, or you’ve got internal wear. Ignoring it won’t fix it.”
Customer: “Alright then. What about my brakes squeaking?”
Me: “Pads are probably worn or glazed. Could also be cheap pads. Did you replace the rotors when you did the pads?”
Customer: “You don’t always have to.”
Me: “No, but if you didn’t resurface or replace them, that could be your noise.”
Customer: “Huh.”
He glances at his son again, who is now very clearly enjoying this.
Customer: “Okay. Engine light’s on. Code reader says P0171.”
Me: “System too lean, bank one. Check for vacuum leaks, dirty MAF sensor, or fuel delivery issues.”
Customer: “MAF?”
Me: “Mass airflow sensor.”
Customer: *Quickly.* “And where is that?”
Me: *Quicker.* “Between the air filter and the throttle body.”
Customer: “And how would I clean it?”
Me: “MAF cleaner. Not brake cleaner, not carb cleaner. MAF cleaner.”
Customer: *Grudgingly.* “Okay…”
He shifts gears again, clearly trying to find something.
Customer: “What about torque specs on lug nuts?”
Me: “Depends on the trim, but around 140 foot-pounds for that Silverado.”
Customer: “And the firing order?”
Me: “1-8-7-2-6-5-4-3.”
Customer: *Immediately.* “Clockwise or counterclockwise?”
Me: *Without missing a beat.* “Firing order doesn’t care about directions. It’s the sequence the cylinders fire in.”
His son actually laughs out loud this time. The customer leans in slightly, like he’s about to deliver something clever.
Customer: “If I rotate my tires left to right, won’t that reverse the tread pattern and mess up the drivetrain?”
Me: “Only if your tires are directional.”
Customer: “And if they are?”
Me: “Then you wouldn’t rotate them left to right in the first place.”
Customer: “Okay, but what if I just—”
Me: “—ignore the arrows on the sidewall and do it anyway?”
Customer: *Caught mid-sentence.* “…yeah.”
Me: “Then the only thing you’re testing is how committed you are to doing it wrong.”
There’s a pause. The son is trying very hard not to laugh again.
Customer: *Finally, quieter.* “Alright… so… lifters, you said?”
Me: “That’d be my first place to look.”
Customer: “And the oil weight?”
Me: “Start there, yeah.”
He nods slowly, like he’s recalibrating something.
Customer: “Okay. Thanks.”
Me: “No problem.”
He turns to leave, then hesitates.
Customer: “…you’ve worked on trucks long?”
Me: “Since I was a kid.”
Customer: “…huh.”
He leaves. My coworker leans over the counter.
Coworker: “So… should I still be the one helping people?”
Me: “Only if they specifically ask for a man, which happens a lot and is fine by me as I like my breaks.”
