audhd etc
what is this post even. its scattered to the four freakin winds in my head. i had this idea slow-cooking that this entry was going to be titled audhd, and somehow address and update the #adhd tag in a way that gestures toward my broad and hand-wavy use of it to refer a wide personal cluster of bodymind quirks and peculiarities of which my survey respects no border found in a diagnostic manual; which has warranted an official adhd diagnosis nonetheless; which has planted seeds of inquiry around "adhd" the term and identity-marker which themselves have borne fruits of camaraderie, help and self-knowledge throughout my life; and which has planted like seeds which bore like fruit around "autism" as well.
so you might can see how audhd (ofen styled AuDHD, a combination of the two terms) would be a tempting candidate for a replacement tag ! i had seen it around a little and wondered if people were starting to break some of this down - like, a combined term to me immediately feels like a dissolution of borders or saying "its not so black-and-white." and quickly researching, i found some stuff like that. proponents like to quote this statistic about how very many autistic people also meet the diagnostic critera for adhd, which feels like a way of saying, "are these connected?" . i found bits i appreciated sort of teasing out the finer points of the overlaps and differences. im here for the collective neurodiverse meaning-making - to me thats the best thing that can come of any of this, self-knowledge through connection, camaraderie, solidarity ...
and none of it ever moves fast enough for me, aughaha ! flip the whole paradigm table already ! im a changeling, im an oracle, im a crazy animal woman. wtf are we even talking about. why even get in these weeds when the whole thicket is fit to torch !
..ahem. anyway. i decided not to change the tag because im lazy and the wolf in me got nonplussed. but i think its good when steps and changes happen in healing directions, im just impatient. i'll link this post in the description too
anyways thats wind 1. winds 2-4 are just little fill-ins re: here-lately. theres a couple new gearlist items and a post in the website project log that didnt get update-tagged ... i like to write a little without always tagging it in to there sometimes. it feels more relaxed for me, and it has the bonus effect of placing little things-to-find for return amblers-around.
i also posted another song, with vocals and everything. i have a lot of feelings about it! (this still isnt my diary, but that doesnt mean i shy away from being personal or emotional where it's relevant , just that it doesnt recount my day-to-day feelings and experiences by default.) i was already really tender about these from just using my voice and making music again, and then it got all tangled in this other feelings ball too ... shared musical experiences can be so so connective, like sex or conversation ... so of course they're liable to be just as fraught . still, i wouldnt change it for the world .. well, suffice it to say i was somewhat relieved to oversee the successful dislodging of the innocent sketch songie that got caught up in all this, and have resumed my stance of cautious optimism and a breezy absence of expectations regarding the cassette tapes project. we truly are out here making lesbian rock music with our friends. and alone ! and theyre both special and important . bye !