There Isn’t a Romance Recession. There’s a Confidence Recession.

Yesterday I was invited to appear on ABC7 New York to discuss something that’s been making headlines: the so-called “romance recession.”

The premise was simple. Inflation is high. Rent is expensive. A first date can easily cost over $100. Is the economy causing Gen Z to give up on dating?

My answer surprised them.

I don’t think we’re in a romance recession.

I think we’re in a confidence recession.

After nearly a decade as a matchmaker, I’ve never seen people stop wanting love. In fact, if anything, people want meaningful relationships now more than ever. What I have seen is a generation that’s waiting.

Waiting until they make a little more money.

Waiting until they buy the apartment.

Waiting until they’re in better shape.

Waiting until their career feels more established.

Waiting until life finally feels “together.”

The problem is, that’s not how relationships work.

One of the biggest shifts I’ve noticed over the past several years is that people aren’t just waiting to become the perfect partner… they’re also looking for one.

Everyone wants someone who already has everything figured out.

The great job.

The emotional maturity.

The beautiful apartment.

The financial security.

The confidence.

The social life.

But healthy relationships rarely start with two people who have already arrived at the finish line.

They start with two people who decide to build something together.

One of my favorite things to tell clients is this:

Stop looking for a finished product. Start looking for a future partner.

The strongest marriages I’ve seen weren’t built because two perfect people found each other. They were built because two imperfect people shared similar values and grew together over time.

Gen Z has grown up in a world where almost everything is available instantly.

Food arrives in minutes.

Movies stream immediately.

Packages show up the next day.

A new date is one swipe away.

None of that is a criticism. It’s simply the environment many young adults have grown up in. But it does shape expectations.

Relationships don’t operate on the same timeline.

Trust takes time.

Chemistry often develops.

Intimacy is built through consistency.

Real love has never been something you can order with the click of a button.

Older generations remember waiting. Waiting for someone to call. Waiting to see someone again. Waiting for relationships to naturally unfold.

Today, we’ve become less comfortable with that uncertainty.

If a first date isn’t perfect, we assume the next swipe might be.

If someone doesn’t text exactly when we expect, we wonder if we’ve lost our chance.

Patience has become a dating superpower.

Yes, the economy has changed.

Rent is higher. Groceries cost more. Going out to dinner isn’t cheap.

But somewhere along the way we’ve confused expensive with meaningful.

Some of the best first dates I’ve ever heard about involved bike rides, gallery hopping, or bringing both their dogs to a park.

The purpose of a first date isn’t to impress someone.

It’s to discover whether you enjoy being around them.

The right person isn’t evaluating whether you spent $200 on dinner. They’re paying attention to how they feel sitting across from you. Spending a lot of money on someone you don’t know is too much pressure for both people. It will feel so much more painful if you don’t get that second date if you dropped hundreds of dollars to impress them.

You can have fun with anyone over drinks and dinner. You could be five dates in and still not scratch the surface on any deeper topics. Simpler dates open the door to go deeper. My favorite date was playing cards at a dive bar. Simple, fun, and playful.

As a matchmaker, I actually worry less about whether someone can afford a nice dinner than whether they’re willing to make room for a relationship in their life.

Love has always required an investment.

Not just financially.

Emotionally. Mentally. With your time. With your attention. With your consistency.

Those are the investments that create lasting relationships.

If you’re delaying dating because you think you need to have everything figured out first, I’d encourage you to reconsider.

Some of the happiest couples I know built their careers together.

Bought their first homes together.

Learned how to communicate together.

Navigated uncertainty together.

That’s the beauty of partnership.

You don’t need to arrive fully formed.

You simply need to find someone willing to build alongside you.

Because despite what the headlines might say, I don’t believe we’re experiencing a romance recession.

I believe we’re experiencing a confidence recession.

And confidence doesn’t come from waiting until your life is perfect.

It comes from believing you’re worthy of love exactly where you are today.