The Hidden Curriculum is You

In this week’s essay, Kids Don’t Follow Plans. They Follow Patterns, I had an inconvenient realization: my kids’ development is probably 90% dependent on me evolving.

When we say “I want my kid to grow,” we’re often describing the future version we hope they become, while ignoring the real training ground: our consistency, our nervous system, our language, and the environment our home reinforces every day.

So this week isn’t about building a better plan for your kids.
It’s about choosing one parent upgrade and one home default that makes growth inevitable.

The fastest way to change a kid’s pattern is to change what they experience from us.

In this clip, Ambitious Dad James Boddy talks about the skill he’s tuning into most as a dad: being truly present. Not “fun activity” present, nor “half-listening while work runs in the background” present. But rather the kind of presence that feels like an exhale, and quietly tells your kids: I’m here. You don’t have to perform for me.

Presence is a default. And defaults are destiny.

This week is all about becoming aware of our defaults.

Work / Leadership: Where are you asking your team to grow, but your leadership defaults train the opposite?
Pick one outcome you’re focused on for your team and decide on a tiny behavior change you can make. It could be as simple as tolerating a long pause in conversation with a colleague, and seeing what bubbles up for them when you don’t speak first.

Fatherhood: Pick one outcome you want for your child this year. Then answer:

1. What’s the parent upgrade that makes it possible?

2. What’s one home default that trains it automatically? (hint: what can you hang, draw, or showcase in the house that will serve as a simple reminder for everyone?)

If you’re reading this thinking, “Yes… and changing my patterns is the actual work,” you’re not alone.

My work sits at the intersection of leadership and fatherhood. Ambitious Dads is where those two worlds collide and start to make sense again.

If you want help designing calmer, sturdier defaults at home that will also make you more successful at work, grab a time on my calendar here so we can explore together.