Mirror, Mirror: White Lotus Ep. 8

I’ve been in Bethenny Frankel #thisisacrisis mode trying to come up with a definitive take on the finale before I finally remembered: it’s not that serious.

Not everything needs to be a life-changing contribution to the chronically online discourse… some of us actually like to have fun! Which brings me to the biggest flops of “Amor Fati.”

Before we dive in, though, let’s remember an iconic line from The Sopranos’ similarly titled “Amour Fou”—one that mirrors the challenge Mike White laid out for viewers expecting answers and clarity in Season 3 of The White Lotus.

Much like Piper, White has no thesis. And even though Belinda’s Tanya-esque arc with Pornchai was a bit of a reach in my taste—I’m not saying this in a general bad writing sense. He’s just in his Buddhist era!

The monk’s sermon (speech? I’m Catholic, idk) about accepting life without resolution pretty much told us the season would end without traditional closure. Luckily, we have media literacy round these parts and saw that coming—so instead of bitching about the plot, we can laugh at the ridiculousness of our beloved biggest losers. This time, with ✨special superlative✨ categories.

I’m going to take my foot off Piper’s neck for once and award this title to Rick—who has no haters only if I am dead. His incompetence was evident from snake-gate, but we all let it slide because he’s a broken bird whose relationship with Chelsea seemed so pure in comparison to Behemoth and Beelzebub AKA Chloe and GreGary. But coming back for a victory lap at the breakfast buffet after accosting the hotel owner? Just as I thought. TRASH. Trash that was enabled by a codependent girlfriend!

In the end, Rick didn’t need a fixer—he needed someone to Anatomy of a Fall his ass: verbally destroy, then push out a window.

Actor Jail Honorable Mention 🏆 Walton Goggins’ 12-slide Instagram tribute to Aimee Lou & Co. is continuing to send me!!! As a Jeremy Strong stan, I can respect an actor going method… but baby, take a deep breath.

Even though Tim ended up having a change of heart during his Jonestown piña colada party—I feel like I’m the most delusional of them all for not believing he had that (family annihilator) dog in him. Shit was dark, but Lochlan admitting to jerking off his brother because he looked left out was darker. Youngest children, EXPLAIN YOURSELVES!

Actor Jail Honorable Mention 🏆 Jason Isaacs, I get your character is a newly addicted pill head, but I think Tiyum would’ve caught on pretty quickly that treats are better washed down with a beverage!

In the best way possible, Carrie MF Coon’s Laurie is thee definitive Girl Who Is Going to Be Okay! Honestly the girlies needed this. And if you didn’t shed tears during their exchange, I only have one thing to say to you.

And with that, I’ll miss writing about this season more than Victoria will miss being rich. I am, however, starting a new series about my other television obsessions and screen addiction escapades. I hope to see you there!

This is me when you read this far and don’t subscribe if you even care: