Mirror, Mirror: White Lotus Ep. 7

This week’s worst offenses, based on how personally I took them:

Mistake #1 — Rick Pushing Frank off the Wagon

You’re a pusher Rick. You push people. Frank’s smoking meth within 24 hours of helping you, all so you can do this to an old man?

As if dragging Frank down wasn’t enough, he leaves Chelsea clueless at the hotel, where Sritlata’s bodyguards (perhaps as incompetent as Gaitok after all) will almost certainly come after him—and then has the audacity to act like he really did the damn thing. Delusional to say the least.

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Mistake #3 — Greg Approaching Belinda After She JUST Made a Plate

Cookout rules = violated. Have some decorum and wait until your guests have eaten to start making bribes. Better yet? Don’t insult them with offers below $500K.

Mistake #4 — Aleksia Hitting Laurie with This During Pillow Talk

The falling-out-with-friends-to-sketchy-Russian-hookup pipeline had me feeling like a worried parent with a kid on spring break. Jaclyn may be a huge bitch, but maybe she had a point about Laurie making the wrong choices. Because when it comes to men, she seems to have a clear type: freeloaders. First palimony, now this? We were all rooting for you….

Mistake # 5 — Victoria Not Being a Social Worker/ Interventionist/ Supernanny

I know it’s kind of anti-feminist to tell young women they shouldn’t be with old men—but come on she has a point! This woman cares, okay. She needs to channel her passion into some kind of social work or anti-sex trafficking role. With the right training, she would be Angelina Jolie-level humanitarian.

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Honorable mentions:

• Piper not fearing poverty until staying somewhere without air conditioning. (On the topic of Lochlan trying to piggyback on her gap year, however, #imwithher)

• Tim losing his stolen gun like a vape. For someone as afflicted by family annihilation fantasies as him, you’d think he’d keep better track of it.

• Saxon going to Greg’s party instead of fleeing in the night like Morgan Wallen post-SNL.

Style Moments to Note

• Belinda’s kaftan is serving elder stateswoman… but also possible mob wife in distress. Will she make it out or sleep with the fishes?

• Chloe in ‘93 Versace. You know what, be as creepy with Greg as you want—you earned it with this pull, mama!

• Chelsea’s an open book, from her heart to her sheer little outfits. This McQueen number in particular? Yeah I need it. But I need her to end up with Saxon more.

S/O to my sister who gave me some commentary nuggets during our watch. Unlike Mike White’s characters, we know how to stay unbothered on vacation.