On Pressure and Preparing For Exams

Dear Friend,

I hate writing exams. Yes, I know this is popular but it bears mentioning here because of this week I just had where I deceived myself that I was preparing for this exam. Here is to hoping I do not waste this man’s money in a couple of days.

I love learning, knowing random pieces of information that make no sense together but excite me. I love reading, trying to make sense of a bigger picture that is both parts overwhelming and terrifyingly beautiful. Raise the stakes though, an exam or a quiz, and I am suddenly not interested. I do not like competition in any form; I easily get bored at games nights if one person has decided to be a warrior. I like my life soft and rather meaningless.

I thought I handled pressure well. Are you like me? I used to be proud of this too, usually often cutting it close just to see if I pulled through. The time I memorized a large chunk of my Integrated Science note in JS1 and the ridiculously laid-back way that I approached my final exams stand out to me. As someone violently averse to stress in his life, I am pleasantly horrified at my attempts at inviting stress into my life.

I have been reading the One Piece manga. In case you were wondering what I was doing with all that time I could have been using to prepare for this thing. The Straw Hat Pirates just left Skypiea after Luffy managed to defeat Enel-sama and ring the Golden Bell. Some people claimed to have skipped Skypiea and I just…

Here is one of my favorite panels from the Skypiea arc. Reading manga is an entirely different experience compared to watching the anime, and reading after having watched the anime just seems so complete. I guess if it was not obvious before, I might have done little to no preparation at all this week. Oops.

My first MB in 300 Level, I froze and ran off to a radio station the day before the exam. In my final year, I spent the two days before the exam stuffing my face with pizza and roaming the mall aimlessly. It is a couple of days to another exam and I am wondering if the last week spent reading One Piece is my ‘release’ or if I am going to be roaming another mall in this city. I guess you should be on the lookout in the malls closest to you, or something like that.

I do not deal with pressure well. This year has taught me that. Deadlines, authority, structure are all welcome. The line stops at pressure. If the pressure is external, typically for me, I freeze, isolate, and my body shuts down - everything feels rote and boring; I feel like I have been operating in this mode for a while now. If it is internal, I can typically eat through it and focus on the task at hand. Knowing this now, I want to say that this will be the last time but let’s be honest, friend, will it? Really?

Today’s letter is going to be short, preparing for the exam and whatnot. Do not worry, I could not say that with a straight face. I am going to try though. After all, I did not believe that I was going to be able to write to you this week but you are reading this now. Your life improves as a result of small inconsequential steps or is that not how the saying goes? So, yay me!

Sneaking this last bit in because it is valid. It is obviously not because it is also one of my favorite panels from one of my favorite MCs in anime.

I strongly believe that if I had Luffy’s conviction (he was so weak here, but so sure), life would be so much easier. Oh, it would be hard because he takes regular beatings but a lot easier I think. I wish I was able to know how he would handle the completion of his dream. I am curious. What do you do after you give your life to something and finally achieve it?

How are you feeling, friend? I hope this letter finds you lighter, behind the facade that you put up every day to brave the world; I hope this letter finds you a little better. If you find that living is hard, it is because it is. So, it is okay. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Breathe. I am rooting for you.

The song I am signing out with gives further evidence to my theory that the universe is against me (main character syndrome yen yen). If it isn’t though, why is it mocking me?

Have a lovely week, friend!

Signing out to Never Miss a Beat by Kaiser Chiefs

What did you learn today?

I learnt nothing

What did you do today?

I did nothing

Sine Cera

Osondu

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