Trump’s Iran Tantrum: Because Nothing Screams “Leadership” Like a Government Throwing Tantrums With Other People’s Lives

Oh look, everybody! The guy with the spray-tan and the nuclear codes is at it again, poking the Iranian hornet’s nest like it’s a piñata full of oil contracts.

Sanctions, saber-rattling, maybe a fresh batch of “precision” strikes that somehow always manage to precision-strike a hospital or two, same script, different president, identical body count.

Trump’s Iran policy isn’t “tough”; it’s just the usual government cosplay: “I’m strong because I can make strangers halfway around the world suffer for my approval rating.”

We, the card-carrying, dues-paying members of the International Guild of Professional Anarchists are here to say: congratulations, you absolute clowns in suits. You’ve once again proven that the only thing governments are good at is inventing enemies so they can charge taxpayers for the fireworks.

Let’s break it down for the normies still clinging to the fairy tale that “our team” is the good guys:

1. Trump didn’t invent this circus. He just bought the clown car with better gold plating. Every administration since forever has treated Iran like a piñata because “foreign policy” is code for “we need an excuse to keep the military-industrial complex in caviar.” Biden did it, Obama did it, Bush did it twice with extra freedom fries. The only difference is Trump tweets the receipts while wearing a red hat. Same war machine, different gift shop.

2. Iran’s government is also garbage. We’re anarchists, not Iran fan-club members. Their theocratic overlords are just as eager to stomp on their own people and posture on the world stage. Two authoritarian gangs shaking fists at each other while the actual humans in both countries pay the tab. Shocking development: governments gonna govern.

3. Here’s the part that makes the statist brain short-circuit: None of this would happen without governments. No presidents, no mullahs, no “national interests,” no sacred borders drawn by dead guys with quills. Just people. People who, shockingly, tend not to randomly bomb each other unless some guy in a tie tells them the other side is “evil” and hands them a gun and a pension.

Without government, who would be left to decide that Persian civilians need to eat dirt so American defense contractors can buy a third yacht? Who would be left to lie to you about “imminent threats” every election cycle? Who would be left to tax you so they can fund both sides of every forever war?

Exactly. Nobody.

We’d be too busy doing human things; like trading, arguing on the internet, falling in love, inventing better memes to organize international incidents for fun and profit. The horror.

So the next time some pundit tells you we “need” government to “protect” us from scary foreigners, remember this: the only thing governments have ever protected us from is the terrifying possibility that we might just get along without them.

Stay ungovernable,

The International Guild of Professional Anarchists

(We don’t have a president. We don’t even have a group chat admin. That’s the point.)

P.S. If you’re still waiting for the “right” government to fix everything, we’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. Cash only. No receipts. Anarchy doesn’t do refunds.