Less Spotlight, More Sunsets

Recently, my musing mind began reflecting upon the value of my life. Heavy. This space of finding truth in statements like,

I have value because I exist.

I never thought to be one who may need such a mantra. When did life become a hum of words reminding me that I belong here?

And that I mean something.

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It was so easy to see the impact when the lights were flashing. My days were once filled with endless exchange, holding space for others, creating the circle, calling the souls in and guiding us all through.

Back then, I never even tried to see. It was all just knowing and doing and shining. Life had a way of being obviously full of purpose.

In those days, it wore sequins, make up, a spotlight upon glistening skin. I was a dancer, choreographer, an artist. Director, dreamer, heart centered leader.

A life made of dreams coming true through music, tones, bodies making shapes and moving around the space. The production, the performance, always a grand finale.

Always a last time.

The movement inside of which one’s soul lived and breathed for months, preparation in the way of a warrior, vanishes with that final bow. A piece of live art like a star shine explosion and then a black hole.

Being witnessed was an ultimate glory. Bearing our stories on stage, our dance companies became a way the collective community could feel alive. We were bold enough to dance courage, love and the storm that brews both into being. An invitation for each heartbeat in the audience to become a part of the flow.

Feeling is inevitable. And to feel is to process. In collective circle, through movement and breath, we made room for what the body had been carrying. We shed. We released. We became anew.

Humans making art and feeling. I built a life around this. And I never once questioned if it was impacting the world. The grand love was so obvious. So loud. The smiles and sweat so real. I can close my eyes and be in these memories.

And I can open my eyes and bring into view the quiet, rhythmic life I have now.

The ways in which I get to teach are more personalized. Smaller groups, or even one on one. Retreats, still a favorite way of holding space, offer more months of solitude to orchestrate than the days of grand loud dance classes. My circles are quieter with healing hands hovering and breath as a soundtrack.

The obvious effect of rippling the world with energy is softer now. It looks like a swaying tree ~ rooted in stillness, while freely reaching for the sky. Whether noticed or not, boldly dancing with the very wind itself.

I dwell within the elements that are not so separate from myself. I blend with the landscape, seeking not to disturb. And with a desire to feel my belonging.

Nourishing a small plot of the earth, hoping to leave behind only more vibrant life. I simply try to find every moment sacred and holy.

As I am writing this my body is responding-- yes, of course I am living my purpose.

I live between 2 countries. And I can see how the intentional slowdown has adjusted my bones so much so that I had to get new clothes. My belly craves a simple meal and alcohol is a distant memory of days being loud as well.

It takes a while to set a new rhythm. To actually slow down. And it takes solid energy to face the new life you are building and say, hey, this is enough.

When I witness words like “back then” and “those days” I check in with the energy. For I know how it can be in the longing and the gripping that we suffer. I do not feel a cling. Instead, I feel a sense of accomplishment that is both gentle and profound, as well as deeply rooted in truth.

That experience was real. And as I move forward in today’s skin and bones, it’s ok that not everything gets to come along this time. The loud, the blazing applause, the late night after party.

The recognition of purpose as a malleable companion. One that shapes the path while also evolving alongside us, asking only that we continue. A grand relief. An inner applause.

So, I pack my bags with only the necessities. And take off on my journey to live creatively.

In sync with real rhythm.

In person, real community.

Art and love, real life.

~~~
Thank you for being here. I truly appreciate you reading and practicing alongside me.

Love,

Adge adgeofwellness.com

This month’s flow in our Embodiment Practice files goes nicely with my writing theme here! We sway and dance in an exploration of freedom, yoga brings us into our center and qi gong moves energy through… the process of practice = the process of life. This is the whole point.

*Here is this month’s post =